Oh, lilyka, how I can relate to wanting the baby out of you where you can take care of it. Do you notice how those of us who have problems with anxiety and depression also have big issues with control? I think this is also why the idea of therapy can be hard for us to swallow--we need to be in control and the thought of taking someone else's "advice" or whatever you want to call it is difficult to fathom. It feels like it will make us more vulnerable, that our power will lay outside of our selves, and that will just make things worse!
I am in therapy of sorts, it's really business coaching but all my issues come up there and my coach is a trained therapist so it's okay. For at least a year I didn't take her coaching. Not consciously, mind you. But I ignored almost everything she said. Eventually, I did start doing what she suggested and everything started to get better. She asked me what changed. My only response was, "I ran out of my own ideas!" Oy, was that an eye opener.
Right now, what I'm doing to manage my anxiety isn't working. I'm afraid to take my supplements because I'm afraid I'll throw up. I finally downed some yesterday, didn't gag, felt a little better, but it wore off by the afternoon and I was in the deepest, darkest funk I've been in in ages. My mw already suggested a therapist and I was both horrified and dissapointed. I told her when we were interviewing that anxiety will be my biggest hurdle in the pregnancy and I was hoping she could support me through it. I think she's just not equipped to do that. But how do you find a therapist who specializes in this? Maybe I don't need one so specialized, just someone who deals with anxiety.
As for pharma drugs, I've already tried that (SSRI only, specifically Paxil) and they're not for me. They can work great for some people, but my experience is that they have a mysterious impact on your endocrine system (not just seratonin, but other brain chemicals as well as thyroid hormone) and that's just not something I want to mess with right now. Studies have shown negative affects of Prozac on the brains of babies whose mother's took it while pg. I also worry about the affects of withdrawel on babies after they're born. Coming off of an SSRI can be like coming off of heroin, only it can go on for months and months. I think I'm just going to have to find liquid alternatives to my amino acids until I can confidentaly swallow pills again.
I'm really glad this thread is here. And thank you thank you thank you to the mamas who have come over from other parts of the site to help us out. I really need that support today!
Oh, and I don't think I have a committee, but I do have one figure who is perpetually disappointed in everything I do. I usually manage her pretty well, but I could do without her criticizing! I should give her a name, so I can someone to address when I want to say "SHUT. UP."
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