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No longer allowed to nurse son at daycare during pick-up (in front of other children) - Page 2

post #21 of 175
Great letter!

I really hope something can be done, that's just rediculous :
post #22 of 175
Amy - your letter is great! Well written & to the point.

I was wondering more about the person-to-person adpect of it though. It's an in-home daycare, how many other parents are we talking about? Do you know them? Have they ever said anything to you directly? Could you address your situation to them somehow, sort of explaining, Hey, this is why it's so important for him to nurse when he first sees his mom if he wants to, this is why its hard to sit in the car, or whatever... And asking why its hard for their kids? (Like, are they concerned about modesty, about their kids trying to pull up their own shirts, about ... uh, I can't even come up with reasons someone might have, it's so unfathomable to me, but you get the picture).

Maybe its naive to think it would help to see each others point of view and "resolve this peacefully" as they say. My dd went to daycare that was just 6 kids, and I knew the other families so well, maybe this is why I'm having a hard time imagining anyone going to the provider and complaining about you behind your back (also I live in a crunchy part of my city and have never been given a hard time w/NIP). Are they mean people? Just very prudish? Do they trip over you in the doorway or something? Are they defenseive because they all used formula? Can you imagine being able to talk with one or several of them, or write a memo...?

Anyway, I totally agree obviously with every person who has said you are 100% blameless here, just trying to see if there was a way to smooth things over for just two months (and as you said help establish some enlightenment for them for a future nursing mom).

Good luck!
post #23 of 175

Similar thing happened to me

This is my first time on this board b/c a friend sent me the link b/c I just had a similar issue.

You live in Michigan? here is the law:http://www.lalecheleague.org/Law/Bills22.html

SUMMARY OF ENACTED BREASTFEEDING LEGISLATION
MICHIGAN
Michigan exempts breastfeeding from its public nudity statute. It also has a law that requires courts to consider whether a child is nursing in determining parenting time in family law cases

MCLS § 41.181, § 67.1, § 117.4i, § 117.5h,
1994 Mi. ALS 313 - 315; 1994 Mi. P.A. 313 - 315; 1994 Mi. SB 107 – 109

Amends various sections of the Michigan criminal code to expressly state that public nudity does not include a woman's breastfeeding of a baby whether or not the nipple or areola is exposed during or incidental to the feeding.

MCLS § 722.27a, Child Custody Act of 1970

§ 722.27a. Parenting time.
(6) The court may consider the following factors when determining the frequency, duration, and type of parenting time to be granted: ...
(b) Whether the child is a nursing child less than 6 months of age, or less than 1 year of age if the child receives substantial nutrition through nursing.

Basically, you have the right to BF, I believe. Here is the general overview:
http://www.lalecheleague.org/Law/Bills2.html

My decision at my daycare has been to keep doing what I'm doing (bfing on demand) and provide informational documents from Kellymom.com on extended bfing to teachers and interested parents.

If it gets worse, I'm calling for a nurse-in on the daycare's church's sidewalk. Do you have the ability to mobilize local nursing moms for a nurse-in?

Anita
post #24 of 175
Does the daycare get any federal money? i.e. food programs etc.
If so, they may have to comply with the federal law protecing a woman's right to bf her child anywhere they have a right to be.

Kathy
post #25 of 175
OK. Deep breath. I was in the middle of teaching class when I found this thread and was so worked up, I had to post.

Nurse ins are perfectly legal if the women/children are in a place they can legally be (e.g., the church sidewalk).

I honestly cannot believe that you do not have more legal rights. That's horrible. Moreover, what will happen if you just say "Too bad, So sad? My child needs to eat." If you keep bfing, what are they going to do? Can they kick you out? Arrest you?? Do you have any lawyer friends who are willing to take this case on pro bono??? The LLL might know some folks.

if you're leaving in january, SURELY they can wait for 2 more months. And then, after you leave, schedule a humongous nurse-in when you know everyone is going to be there.

I am stunned. When my son's teacher told me to that people were uncomfortable, I had the law on my side.

Anita
post #26 of 175
Thread Starter 
It's an in-home daycare, how many other parents are we talking about?

As far as I know 5 sets out of around 11.

Do you know them?

Basically, no. I don't even know which parents we are talking about and my daycare provider doesn't feel comfortable telling me. I've talked to 2 sets of parents at the daycare a moderate amount. One father at daycare and when we run into him at a local restaurant. My daycare lady said he wasn't one of them, but who really knows. Another mom and her daughter happen to belong to the same temple and we have seen them a couple times. Gabe always steals her daughter's half-eaten cookies. That is about it.

Have they ever said anything to you directly?

No one has ever said anything directly. After I was told I couldn't feed my son yesterday, I told the father mentioned above why I was upset and that I was going to try to leave. His comments were "I guess we'll just have to see you at Christine's (the restaurant)."

Could you address your situation to them somehow, sort of explaining, Hey, this is why it's so important for him to nurse when he first sees his mom if he wants to, this is why its hard to sit in the car, or whatever... And asking why its hard for their kids? (Like, are they concerned about modesty, about their kids trying to pull up their own shirts, about ... uh, I can't even come up with reasons someone might have, it's so unfathomable to me, but you get the picture).

As far as I know, they just don't want their kids to see me feeding my son.

I gave a copy of the letters I wrote to daycare, along with a copy of Louisiana's laws and a copy of some federal guidelines for state breastfeeding legislation.

I think we are going start Montessori 4 days a week in December.
post #27 of 175
Quote:
Originally Posted by *Jessica*
That was what I thought as well. Of course, I see nothing wrong with a nursing 3 year old either, but I know most people would. I hope you can make something happen so this doesn't happen to more nursing mommas.
I have to admit that I was surprised as well. Mostly because that proves, IMO, it was all about the parents (it's not like they are getting uncomforable questions from their young toddlers, kwim).

The letter looks great! You might want to post in your tribal area for support.
post #28 of 175
TiredX2
Quote:
The letter looks great! You might want to post in your tribal area for support.
This is a very good idea! I know that there are a lot of very active Mich. moms out there.
post #29 of 175
Thread Starter 
Well, it looks like I won't be getting support from my SIL at the Associated Press. She is breastfeeding, but thinks people have a right to not want to see it.

It looks like John Conyers and Dale Kildee of Michigan were also supporters of breastfeeding legislation...So more letters...

There are also the healthy childcare AAP representatives.
http://www.healthychildcare.org/chapters.cfm

Michigan Reps...
HCCA Rep :
Sheri Falvay
Mental Health Services to Children and Families, Department of Community Health
Lewis Cass Building, 5th Floor, 320 S Walnut
Lansing, MI 48913
Phone: 517/241-5762
Fax: 517/241-5778 or
E-mail: falvay@michigan.gov


HCCA Rep :
Deborah Marciniak
MPHI Systems Reform Program
2364 Woodlake Drive, Suite 180
Okemos, MI 48864
Phone: 517/381-8247, E
Fax: 517/347-6189
E-mail: dmarcini@mphi.org
post #30 of 175

hi

i dont' know if this helps you or not...
this summer, an employee at the pool told me that i couldn't nurse my son, cuz other patrons were complaining to HER.
i made it clear to her that those patrons' hangups were NOT her problem, and that she should send them to me directly if they had issue with my reality.
lucky me, i had half a dozen mama friends nearby, so it was not too big a battle. we all had each others backs (boobs? ).
can you just tell your provider that you are sorry that these other parents are giving her a hard time, and encourage her to tell them that it is not in her power to stop you from nursing? in other words, they're barking up the wrong tree, and get off her back already?
it'd be interesting to see how none of them choose to harrass you directly. cowards.
post #31 of 175
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unoppressed MAMA Q
can you just tell your provider that you are sorry that these other parents are giving her a hard time, and encourage her to tell them that it is not in her power to stop you from nursing? in other words, they're barking up the wrong tree, and get off her back already?
it'd be interesting to see how none of them choose to harrass you directly. cowards.
This is the approach I would take as well. People who go to others whom they believe are in an authorotative position are being passive agressive. It's obvious they don't want to deal with you directly. I would tell the DC provider that I was going to take it up personally with all of the parents and discuss it with them. I would even offer to have a meeting of all the DC parents to 'get to know each other' and discuss the matter face to face. It's funny how people can change their tune when dealing with someone directly.

The DC provider is in an awkward position. She probably needs the money and if you like her doing nurse-in's and other things could hurt her more then it could help your case (and possibly turn her more over to their side then yours).

If you can't get to meet with all the other parents individually then I would write something up and ask the DC provider to pass it out to the parents at drop-off, then be around during pickup to try to corner them. I would ask them what their issues are and what are their suggestions to resolve it. I would point out your side to them: it's the same as my asking you not to feed your child here.

Are you willing to take your child to another room (seeing as you only have another month there)? Is there anyway children can go into that room and inadvertantly see you though? Taking a proactive approach with the parents and letting them know you will only be there another month might be all you need to do for this situation. I think it's wonderful you are moving to work on legislation as that will be the thing that will help future mom's in your situation.

I would also suggest to the DC provider that she come up with her own rules and regulations regarding the feeding of children in her home so before any legislation is passed she is covered. If she were to let all her families know that breastfeeding is allowed in her home she may be able to avoid this kind of complication in the future.
post #32 of 175
This is such a tricky situation. I posted to you over on the other thread (not realizing it was a Michigan thread )

Situations like this are beyond wrong, absolutely. I think you're handling it beautifully. Bringing it to the attention of people who can institute changes. Raising awareness of the importance of breastfeeding. But, getting your son into Montessori earlier, and abiding by her request in the meantime.

It's such a hard thing to swallow, but it's really important to remember that there is an innocent child involved here. Yes, this is wrong, wrong, wrong! But, if you force your beliefs on someone who doesn't agree (which in this case is the other parents) the repercussions might be rough. What if the other parents come to the DC provider and say if she doesn't kick you out, they're leaving? That would be a terrible position for the DC provider to be in. And, without a law protecting your rights, there's nothing you can do about it. In the meantime, the baby is the one that suffers.

We all get hot and bothered about situations like this, but we have to remain calm and act reasonably. Staging a nurse in will only inflame the situation, particularly while this baby is still being cared for at this daycare. Once the baby is in a new situation, the sky's the limit! But, if you rock the boat too much, this baby could pay the price and that would be even more horrible than having to nurse in private.

Have you clarified the nursing policy at the new school? I'd take this opportunity to make sure that you won't run into this problem again. You already expressed that you don't want to jump him from place to place. Making sure that the next place is tolerant will help ensure that.
post #33 of 175
Quote:
Originally Posted by MommytoTwo
As I was reading this I thought, this child must be at least 3 years old for people to say that, and I looked at your sig and he is ONE! That is unbelievable.
:
I thought/did the same thing!
post #34 of 175
Thread Starter 
For the time being, I will feed him in my car in with the door wide open.

She is planning on having an additional sheet to sign when new parents start saying that they agree not to breastfeed their children in front of the other children.

Gabe will start Montessori 4 days a week in Dec, so I have about 3 weeks to survive at the current daycare. If Montessori develops a problem, I will have to move BOTH children. However, this is a pretty crunchy Montessori school. Many parents/teachers are vegetarian and several families don't vax. Other workers at the school have complained that the "rules" change 3 times a day anyhow. I usually pick up around 5 (will be sooner with only one stop) and there are only maybe 3 or 4 other kids around at that time.

I'm still so...

: :
It'll be a long 3 weeks.
post #35 of 175
Quote:
Originally Posted by smirlynwittles

She is planning on having an additional sheet to sign when new parents start saying that they agree no to breastfeed their children in front of the other children.
Wow an official anti-NIP policy?
post #36 of 175
Ohhh, I think that's terrific! An anti-NIP policy. Try and get your hands on that form, if you can. As soon as your son is safely away, that will get you sooo far. A friendly legislator would probably adore seeing a copy of the form.

I'd still ask at your new school about NIP. I truly believe it's better to know up front what your demons are. How rotten would it be to move him and then have to move again. Montessori schools sometimes can be particular about this topic, and I'd want to know which way they lean before they have any influence on my baby.

I'm rooting for you. This will get better. I'm so sorry you're going through this!
post #37 of 175
I think it's totally outrageous. You should demand they outlaw parents giving children bottles at the day care -- tell the operators you find that offensive! We're all rooting for you -- hope there's a satisfactory outcome.

Skana
mom to Griffin (almost 8) and Tova (10 weeks)
post #38 of 175
Quote:
Originally Posted by smirlynwittles

She is planning on having an additional sheet to sign when new parents start saying that they agree not to breastfeed their children in front of the other children.

So, I wonder if someone complains about someone bottle-feeding their child in front of their children, would she make an anti-bottle-feeding agreement? That is just so very wrong. I'm sorry you are dealing with the closemindedness of others. Good luck at your new school.
post #39 of 175
Hi,
I'm not a mom yet but I do live in michigan. When I do have my kids I will NIP anywhere anytime.
I just wanted to wish you luck.
Nikki
post #40 of 175
Quote:
She is planning on having an additional sheet to sign when new parents start saying that they agree not to breastfeed their children in front of the other children.
WHAT?!!! This just goes from bad to worse! I can't believe this!

Now I really do think a nurse-in is required. AFTER you take your child out. I'll come there myself (to nurse my 1-year old right there with ya) all the way across 7 states, I'm so worked up about this.
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