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When you feel lost?  

post #1 of 22
1/6/03 at 4:47pm
Thread Starter 
What do you do when you feel lost?

We just did a cross country plane ride from east to west coast yesterday. DD was next to me in her carseat during take-off/landings and sleeping, and we walked around the plane alot. However, it worked out that I was doing everything for her yesterday. I am a terrible flier and I hate the takeoffs and landings, but I couldn't concentrate on myself yesterday, only her.

When we finally got to the hotel and fed her and got her sleeping, I lost it. I felt like I had dream walked through the whole day and I wasn't me, I was just her mother and somehow that just brought me down.

Today, I am still feeling it. I was reading another post and I felt attacked by a bf comment (read my intro, I am a formula feeder due to depression) and I almost lost it. I normally don't let that get to me because, hey these people don't know what I went through and why I had to make the decisions I did right?

So what to do when you feel lost? What can you do?

help?
post #2 of 22
1/6/03 at 5:08pm

I feel ya...

I don't know that I have any advice for you, but I certainly know where you're coming from, (I'm a survivor of 15 years of long lasting, recurring, clinical depression) so I can offer sympathy and understanding.

It's weird to feel defined by motherhood, especially when I felt I was so much more before I had my baby. Some days I feel like a non-person at best.

So far the best remedy I've found is to call an old friend and just shoot the sh!t for a while. I have a good friend on standby who never asks me about the baby until I bring her up...that way I can feel like Allison for a while instead of just Charlie's mom. Beyond that, staying well rested, eating right and doing lots of yoga have really helped me adjust to new mamahood.

And remember that everything passes, eventually.
post #3 of 22
1/6/03 at 7:45pm
I'm sorry, I don't have any ideas either. But I go through the same thing. I haven't felt "authentic" since before DH and I married, a little less than two years ago. It's so frusterating because I just don't know what I want from life--because I don't know myself well enough anymore to know what I like.
I hope you get some good responses.
(((hugs)))

Melanie
post #4 of 22
1/6/03 at 10:29pm
Foo--Sorry you had such a bad time. I hate flying too! One thing that struck me about your post is how you "lost it" right after feeding your dd and getting her to sleep. Isn't it ironic that it is in those quiet moments when we can finally sit back and relax and take some time for ourselves we feel the most scared. I think the emptiness comes from giving so much to another human being that we lose track of how to gratify ourselves emotionally. The isolation also does not help. Like Beansa, I find solace in calling a friend just to remind myself that I am connected to the world at large. Not much advice here, just wanted to let you know that I know how you feel. BTW, I went back and looked over the intros. and I did not see where you felt attacked. Even though I am a breastfeeding mom, I would never condem you for FF because, as you said, I have no idea what you have been through.
post #5 of 22
1/6/03 at 10:59pm
It's hard to remember sometimes that we aren't JUST a mom, we are a MOTHER!!! It's not such an awful way to define ourselves. My boys are two and four and I can honestly say that I take great pride in it and like that it defines who I am. What better, more important job is there?

Depression is such a struggle, something we have to deal with on a daily basis. Some days are going to be good, and some are going to be bad. We just have to hope that the good outweigh the bad and that the bad don't define us.

I'll send you hugs and hope that you are feeling better.
post #6 of 22
1/6/03 at 11:46pm
I just want to say that it amazes me that all of you just put into words what I've been feeling for the last five years(minus about 6 months in between). I feel lost most of the time. It seems like I don't exist. I love that I am a mother, but our society makes us believe that that alone is not enough(and really, is it??)I don't know. I just wish I could be happy more than not, it's all I really want.
post #7 of 22
1/7/03 at 2:38am
I identify with this feeling so well. I am not so hard on myself now as I used to be...though I still have days where I feel like I did everything on autopilot and where was *I*, the *me* and *myself* in everything?? I went through a mourning of sorts of my former life after I had my first...like all that matterd was that my baby was happy, and my whole day was devoted to it, and there was no one around to talk to me like I was Jesse until Dh came home .

Letters to friends who lived to far away to even call helped. I did little things that reminded me of me, even if it was playing solitaire (huh how symbolic is that) which was an old hobby of mine (to learn as many solitaire games as possible) I practiced my guitar (note to self, I havne't played my poor guitar in forever, I have to start practicing again because dammit I was good), things that used to make me calm or make me feel good about myself or that reflected talents of mine. For example I liked writing people letters because I like to write in general.


Jesse
Mommy to Kieran (3), Donovan (21 mos) and Liam (6 weeks)
post #8 of 22
1/7/03 at 1:06pm
Thread Starter 
Thanks. I talked to Dh yesterday and he sent me out for a long walk by myself. It was nice to just be me for a while

Pegmom- It was another board here that I felt attacked. I think here is pretty understanding!
post #9 of 22
1/8/03 at 1:20am
((HUGS))) Foobar.

I don't have any advice. I feel that way at times too.

Brenda
post #10 of 22
1/8/03 at 4:32pm
Thread Starter 
Hi- I just wanted to say Thanks again. We are at a meeting (DH,dd and I) and yesterday DH took dd most of the day. I was much happier to have a few hours to be me instead of "mom", but man did I miss her. We tried to go out to dinner, but dd lost it, so I went back to the hotel, fed her and put her to sleep and ordered room service. I wasn't upset at all about missing the dinner, I was more upset that dd got over stimmed. I think that's a good sign.
post #11 of 22
1/8/03 at 5:19pm
I love room service. Where else can you eat dinner on your bed and not feel strange about it.
post #12 of 22
1/9/03 at 12:42am
AND not have to do the dishes!
post #13 of 22
1/9/03 at 5:11pm
Thread Starter 
yes, I love room service too...except the bill!

Yesterday, dd refused to sleep and when we went out to dinner, she was quiet and just watched us the WHOLE dinner! go figure. I love her so much....

I was going nuts during the afternoon when she was crabby and not sleeping, but much better now knowing she is napping.
post #14 of 22
1/18/03 at 1:19am
T

Foobar, Can I ask what your sig line means? I'm not familiar with those abbreviations.

Thanks!!
post #15 of 22
1/19/03 at 12:01am
Thread Starter 

AM mom

Sure---

Those are fertility abrevs...

IUI = intra uterian insemination. It's a form of artificial insemination that places the sperm directly in the uterus instead of in the vagina.

Follistim = a gonadtropin that is basically FSH, the follicle stimulating hormone. It helps the body produce more follicles which in turn release more eggs during a cycle

We went through 2+ years of infertility. After natural stuff didn't work, we saw a doc and decided on a course of IUI and slowly introducing drugs (I wanted to avoid them, but....) This was the last step before going all of the way to invitro....

Current doc thinks the PPD is related to my infertility since we had no "clinical reason" for being infertile, but it probably was a minor chemical imbalence in me.
I am very sensitive to hormones and drugs, so I am not surprised...

Thanks for asking... I wasn't sure how people would take that here (anti-med and such...)
post #16 of 22
1/19/03 at 1:08am
Hey, I had two hospital births with epidurals and I loved them! :LOL (I also had huge babies!)

I wondered if it was related to infertility. I'm sorry to hear that it took so long to concieve. I have a cousin who is trying desperately to get pg and has been on fertility drugs. I feel rotten when I think of how easy it was for us.

Whatever the battles, the children are so worth it. Thanks for educating me!

BTW, I see we both have almost 6 mo old girls!
post #17 of 22
1/19/03 at 3:32am
Just for the record... I'm far from anti-med

I'm so glad everything worked out for you and you have your little miracle. We suffered with secondary infertility for 3 years. It is a hard struggle.

Hugs,

Brenda
post #18 of 22
1/19/03 at 5:07pm
Foobar, not all of us here are anti-drug. As a matter of fact, there are several of us who rely on them to make it through life right now (myself included.) Heck, you should hear what all I take right now.

*Lexapro (my antidepressant)
*Ativan (as needed for anxiety)
*Alegra (for sinus headaches that were unexplained, but I have since found out that Lexapro can cause sinus problems.: Have to talk to my Pdoc at my next appointment about that.)
*Sudafed Allergy (as needed for those times the sinus headaches get out of hand
*Fish oil capsules three times a day
*A multivitimin

I feel like I need to invest in one of those daily pill sorters.:

I think I may get booted off MDC for admitting all of that.:LOL
post #19 of 22
1/19/03 at 8:59pm
Ok, now you've piqued my interest. What is fish oil for?
post #20 of 22
1/19/03 at 10:23pm
Thread Starter 


Thanks guys! I appreciate all of the support! I sometimes get scared posting here becuase some consider me "mainstream" but there are SO many things that I do that are AP although I don't call it that. I do lots of mainstream stuff too so...

Yeah, infertility sucks and I worry about conceiving our next child and the ad and the affects...oh no.. starting to panic...breathe,Foo, breathe....


Yes, dd will be 6 months next week! I can't believe it's been that long!

I forget what fish oil is for, but I know several people who take it...
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