oh beautiful mamas!!!
sorry I've been experiencing a bit of posting writer's block...sometimes it's hard to know what to say now that my toenails are no longer falling off!
I'm so glad you're finished your treatments! It's totally normal that you're feeling wiped, I'm still pretty tired, but it's getting better, I'm hoping to soon return to my regular exhausted state as a parent!
I've also been thinking a lot about incorporating the reality of what's happened into my life. I mean sometimes I'm brushing my teeth or something and everything seems kinda normal, but then I look in the mirror and think "what the ?? did this really happen?!"
It's also kinda weird because I know I'm at high risk for recurrence, but I want to be positive and believe that everything's going to be o.k., you know? I've been trying to wrap my head around everything, it's not like everything can go on like nothing happened. Our brilliant shrink has been helping with this issue. I was really upset one day and said that I was worried that if my cancer did come back then I would be a total failure, that I wasn't being positive enough or something. He explained that he had worked with a group of women that had metastatic disease, who felt exactly this very thing, especially because people often say that if you just stay positive you'll be fine. But what they found was that while being positive can help you enjoy life more, it doesn't necessarily make you live longer, and that it's actually much more useful to work through your fears. They use the term "being authentic" rather than being positive, i.e. it's great to be hopeful and feel like cancer has been completely erased from your body and your life, but it's also o.k. to be a little scared, and talk about your fears for the future, etc. You know? It doesn't mean that anything bad will happen! Anyway, though I'd mention that in case anyone was feeling the same way.
Anyway I love you all so much!! I better get to sleep before one of those little kiddies wakes up and doesn't have a face to accidently jab with an elbow or foot! Gotta love those little cuties, even with their pink eye and runny noses!! Hey by the way, has anyone experienced any kind of post treatment super-immunity? I'm tired, but I can't believe I haven't come down with (knock on wood--there should be a smilie icon for that, I guess I could always use this one!
) any of the million colds and flus that have been going around!