How to help my kids (8 & 5) deal with the death of great-grandma?

[Lil'M]

Dh's grandmother just died today. She was 94 years old and had been declining rapidly over the last year. Since the summer, we had been told that she might die any day. Our kids (ages 8 and 5) have not seen her in over a year and are not very close to her, but we thought it would be good to have them go to the funeral (closed casket) and say goodbye to G.G. They knew that she was very sick and might die soon, and we feel that letting them go to the funeral would help them understand better and give them closure. But Dh's father (her son) doesn't want the kids there and although we disagree, we will go along with his wishes.

The funeral and family gathering after it are all out of state so dh and I are just going for the day and coming home, so the kids won't be able to go to any of the other "saying goodbye" events.

I want to find a way to help the kids say goodbye to her in their own way in a way that is respectful of their feelings and questions and helps them get closure and understand death as part of the cycle of life.

I've thought about letting them draw pictures, put together a photo album, watch videos with G.G. in it, but any other suggestions would be welcome.

TIA,

Miriam

[lisamarie]

I am really sorry for your loss . It sounds like you have some wonderful ideas for your kids to help honor and remember their G.G.. The only other "kid" idea that I have is balloons. At my Mom's service at the gravesite, which was only for family, I had my ds write a note to his Grandma and put it in the balloon. Then after the service, he let it go, so that the note could be delivered to her in heaven. He was 8 yo at the time and it was a way for him to participate at the service and a way for him to express his feelings.

Much Love & Hugs~

Lisa

[Lil'M]

I love the balloon idea. Unfortunately, the kids did not come to the funeral, but there will probably be an unveiling of a headstone at the gravesite in the next year, and that might be a nice occasion to release balloons. Also, we could just do the balloons, from home, after they wrote what they wanted to say to G.G. on them.

Thanks,

Miriam

[lisamarie]

Alot of people do rituals monthly or on just special occasions such as the anniversery date, birthdays, etc. My ds decorated a special terra cotta pot and planted some seeds in it for his Grandma and we placed it on her grave on Valentines Day this past year. Kids are so thoughtful and creative.. Also, candles can be so powerful as well.

Much Love & Peace~

Lisa