I thought I would share my story. I like that I can do it here with women who understand.
I had a planned home waterbirth. My family thought I was nuts and I think they thought I was naive about the pain of labor. Wel, labor was hell. My birth canal is aimed toward my back and so DS' head was pressing on the side of my birth canal instead of my cervix. My MW had to oress really far back in me to get around the head to even check my cervix. It hurt so bad and I cried every time. She wanted to pull the cervix down over his head during contractions, because she really believed that if she could get the head on the cervix DS would be born right afterwards, but the pain was too much to bear. After 20 hours, I was exhausted and crying and couldn't do it. I asked to be taken to the hospital for an epidural.
The plan was to dull the pain so I could get some rest and then try to get the cervix over DS' head. Well, as soon as I got the epidural, my blood pressure went up and DS' heart rate plummeted. Then the worst thing happened - I had a hard time breathing. I guess this is fairly typical since no one would tell me what was happening. It was so scary and painful and I finally screamed "Please, somebody help me, I can't breathe!!" and no one responded. The doctor simply said I needed a c-section. He said the baby was under distress and at the rate I was progressing (only 2 cm at this point) he couldn't guarantee my baby would be born OK.
I asked my midwife what she thought and I think that irritated the doctor. She said she thought it was necessary. I now know that it is not uncommon for the baby's heart rate to plummet, and for the mother's blood pressure to go up, and it is easy to stabilize. If I had my wits about me, I would have asked for an hour or so for my midwife to try and get that cervix over DS' head. But, I didn't. I consented. I really just wanted to sleep. In fact, I remember throwing up green fluid, and then I vaguely remember the surgery, and then nothing until I woke up several hours later. DH said DS was born covered head to toe in meconium.
My DH never left DS' side. He irritated some nurses by watching everything that happened and refusing the vitamin k, the hep B vax, and the eye ointment. I love how the paperwork he signed said "I understand that by refusing the above medical procedure I am putting my child at risk..." If we really thought there was a risk, we wouldn't have refused them.
When I first saw DS, he didn't feel like mine. He looked alien to me and smelled strange. Then I undressed him and held him against my skin and sang to him. He's been the love of my life ever since. I am conflicted about the c-section. Was it necessary? Was I weak for wanting an epidural? Was it necessary for the doctor to be rude to me, my DH, and my MW? Why didn't anyone care that I could scarcely breathe? But here we are, my son and I, him nursing while I type, and we are both OK. We sleep side by side, DS with his arm on my breast, and I am lulled by the sound of his breathing, and his sleep giggles.
Incidentally, no one told me anything about how to take care of my scar, even after I asked. They told me to leave it alone, but I put aloe on it every day. At my two week follow-up, the nurse said my incision looked fantastic. I told her about the aloe, and she said she should start recommending that. At two weeks, I was walking up and down the stairs and doing gentle yoga. My sister said she was jealous because after her C-Sec she could barely make it out of bed at 2 weeks. The flesh above the incision is completely numb. Sometimes the incision has a dull ache, and I can't lift heavy objects or I'll regret it the next day.
Thank you for letting me share my story.