I'm so sorry to hear this, my heart goes out to your family, esp your son!
I have had problems like this my entire life. The first panic attack I can remember, I was 4 years old. My family never did anything to help me, they just told me it was all in my head, and your son is SO lucky to have such loving parents! Kids are frequently misdiagnosed for ADHD. I suppose bc it's easier for docs to pick a label and prescribe a drug, and bc they don't really understand these kinds of problems in the first place.
I still have anxiety and depression problems. It can be VERY scary. Last June, after more than 6 months of intense anxiety (several hours of full-blown panic every day, not being able to eat, leave the house, etc.) I got to a point where... the best I can describe it is I lost my will to live. I didn't want to die, wasn't suicidal, I just couldn't go on. Anxiety is exhausting. At that point I went on meds for the first time (Klonopin and Zoloft).
I've tried many herbal remedies. I still occasionally take Calms Forte (made by Highlands). It's in pill form and contains Chamomille, passion flower, skullcap, and some other things. The recommended dose is 1-3... when I panic I take 8-10. It's nonadictive, but only helps to a certain extent. I've also tried Kava, St. John's Wort, and Valerian (all of these alone and in combination).
After all this... I finally tried a Chiropractor. I haven't had a single panic attack since, and am off of meds. I'm not taking anything herbal either. Anxiety and depression are most often caused by spinal subluxations (of course psychiatrists and M.D.s do not know this). ADHD can also be cured by consistent spinal care.
Has anyone ever tested him for Bipolar disorder? It is very commonly misdiagnosed/misunderstood in children, but can have the same impact on the child and family as you've described. After all these years it's finally been supposed that this is what my problem has been all along, but getting diagnosed is difficult, and even more difficult if you're trying to get a child diagnosed. An adult friend of mine took 7 years to get diagnosed, and to find someone who would treat her. Generally, Bipolar disorder does require meds.
There are things you can do for anxiety and Bipolar though.
1) Make sure he goes to bed and wakes up at exactly the same time everyday.
2) Eliminate sugar and dairy from his diet (if you haven't already, I can't stress no sugar enough).
4) Make sure he's getting his vitamins, esp B-vits, calcium/magnesium, and vit C. Also, for adults I don't know about children, but chromium is very helpful.
5) Anxiety is often accompanied by (sometimes caused by) hypoglycemia, and the 2 have identical symptoms, so make sure he eats small amounts every 2 hours. If you can help it, do not let him eat to the point of feeling "full" just until he's not hungry.
6) If he has trouble sleeping make sure he doesn't bathe/shower within 2 hours of bedtime.
7) Be sure he drinks plenty of water (anxiety and depression can be a sign of dehydration).
8) Personally, I would also restrice video games (if he plays them) and be sure that he watches only a minimal amount of TV. I notice my anxiety gets out of control with these things (as well as overuse of the computer).
9) Be sure that he gets plenty of exercise, this is the #1 cure for anxiety and depression, also the hardest to stick to!
10) Making sure to spend time outdoors everyday is also very helpful, preferably in a relaxed setting (like the woods). My husband makes fun of me because I walk in the dirt beside the sidewalk, call me crazy, but sometimes a person just needs to feel real earth under their feet!
11) Also, I know when I was younger it was really easy to seclude myself, and even still I have to force myself to be social, but it really helps to get out and spend time with friends who enjoy good wholesome activities.
Sorry to be so long, I just can really sympathize with you and your son. It took me a lifetime to learn what helps, and he deserves help right away. Stick with the counseling for sure. I'm sure I'll think of a few more things throughout the day, I'll let you know if I do. Once again, I just want to congratulate you on being such a caring and attentive parent. I know it's tough, but more than anything he needs your patience, company, and lots of reassuring words and hugs.
Best of luck!