I'll try to be brief but this one is very complicated. DSS is an adult with a child. DH and I married when she was in her teens. Both of her parents used her as a weapon against each other. She has had love/hate relationships with both of them. It seems that over the years, whoever had/has the most to offer ($), wins. Whenever dss is mad at dh she cuts him out of her life completely. He writes her letters, leaves her messages, sends her flowers, pleads with her...nothing. she makes him wait and wait. this is the pattern that has been going on since the divorce. it upsets him terribly. she has been a thorn in our side from day one. he would defend her antics until the end but recently he discovered that she's really maniputlating people and a lot of her past behavior was done to intentionally hurt him/me/us. he confronted her in a loving manner, pointed out that he knew what she was about and gave her the opportunity (once again) to discuss her hurts, feelings, his failures, everything...she says nothing and the cold war begins. my question to all of you who felt this pain and the need (there must be a need) to punish a parent....is what do you get out of it and why does it work for you? this man came very close to death recently and that unlocked door will only prevent you from moving out of that locked room if you keep it closed. this can't be good for her or her child so why does she perpetuate this sick behavior? she does this with other family members too and my take on it is to let her go and pray for her and her child. nothing changes, if nothing changes. I keep my distance from her but her dad comes from a very affectionate, loving, interactive family and she is an anomaly and he doesn't know what to do....i don't think there is anything he can do. thanks for any input anyone can provide.
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11/11/05 at 12:47pm