Sex and Pregnancy...

[NurseLaurie]

OK ladies, I haven't had sex with DH since the week we conceived (I'm 13 weeks today). When I miscarried last year I began bleeding right after sex and it just didn't stop and got progressively worse. I KNOW in my mind that they weren't related, but my heart keeps this deep dark fear that if I let go and do the deed, something will go wrong. I actually have a recurring nightmare that we have sex, I stand up from bed and suddenly am all wet. I look down at the floor and see my tiny baby there... I pick her up and can feel her little heart beat slow down as she dies in my hands. I wake up totally hysterical and my whole next day is ruined out of worry. I'm considering therapy, but can't really afford the money or the time commitment right now. My SIL told me that she often bled after sex while pregnant. If that started happening I may have some sort of panic attack. I know this is a sticky situation, but any advise?

[Mariposa]

s i can see where your fears come from. what a horrible nightmare. how does you DH feel about it? anyway you guys can do "other stuff" to get the pressure off of you? i can't imagine being able to enjoy sex and being terrified at the same time.

[NYCVeg]

Ugh...that sounds rough, Laurie. Dh and I have also been abstaining b/c I've had a RAGING yeast infection ever since we conceived. The situation is fairly frustrating for the both of us.

From what I hear, bleeding after sex is usually caused when tiny blood vessels in the cervix break due to pressure. So...perhaps you can find alternatives that don't put too much pressure on your cervix?--e.g., either positions that allow only very shallow penetration or alternatives to intercourse?

[flowmom]

I have had a bit of bleeding from my cervix while PG a couple of times. My cervix bleeds easily, and one is a bit more likely to bleed from the cervix when PG due to increased vascularization, from what I understand. I was a bit concerned but with no history of mc I was able to keep calm about it.

You're in a difficult place right now. Try to respect your own limitations here and focus on what shenanigans you can get up to without feeling scared . Maybe it's time to spice things up and experiment a bit. Who knows - you may both have more fun than you expect!

Good luck!

[Mamabeakley]

I know I worried that maybe having an orgasm would trigger contractions and therefore bleeding (aside from the friable cervix issue) during my last pg when I had a lot of bleeding for the first 3 months. Therefore, once I was really intellectually sure that things were okay (though still emotionally freaked out) I tried having an orgasm by myself so that if anything happened (bleeding), I would only be upset with myself, and not put that intense and irrational emotion into or on my DH. The experience was reassuring.

I think the suggestions about finding ways to enjoy each other w/out intercourse are also great ideas. Good luck!

[dshields]

Oh Laurie! I'm so sorry that you've been struggling with this! I too agree with the ladies who've mentioned other ways to enjoy yourselves. Have you felt comfortable enough to just enjoy yourself... if you know I mean ? If so, than it wouldn't be that different to fool around with dh w/o penetration. I still get crampy after either...but never feel too concerned.

Or maybe try it very slow, gentle, and shallow. I feel like if you can do it once, you might get past the fear. You can do this Laurie, you know in your mind that it's safe. Good luck (or "get lucky"), just do what makes you feel most comfortable.

Hey do you have a midwife appointment next week? Would you feel more comfortable waiting to talk with her about it first?

Danielle

[NurseLaurie]

Thanks everyone. I don't have an appointment until the 22nd because of my own scheduling conflicts. She told me at my last visit that everything appeared picture perfect and to continue life as usual. The subconscious mind is SO terribly strong though.

When I get to feeling a little better I may have to get creative. Or maybe be on top to control the depth.

And Danielle, I haven't really felt up to the task of going it alone either. I've woken up twice in mid O, but never intentionally. There was some cramping, but no bleeding.

I just don't know. I'll talk to my MW again when I go back. Maybe I'll feel better enough to at least get a little action for my DH... even if I'm too scared to do anything for myself.


But DH is such a doll. He knows that a hard time I've been having. Look what he sent me: My Sweet Husband

[dshields]

Laurie, you're a very lucky gal...and you'll get through this.

[ltk]

It sounds like you should talk to someone about your fears. Don't let money stop you, there are plenty of free/sliding scale counseling clinics that could help you. that anxiety isn't good for you or the bambino/a. It's unfortunate that you have this associate, when your m/c probably happened for reasons not related to sex?

I had a chemical pregnancy early this summer and still fear, but the odds are you will be fine. Ease your way into and take it slow as others say. It's such a special time to make love, and you both deserve it. I am sure you will be fine. blessings, Leila

[merrick]

I'm sorry you've been having such horrible nightmares. I hope you can get over your fears. I'm glad you have a husband who is understanding and supportive.

DH and I haven't DTD since we got our positive either. A lot of factors have gone into it. I have been so sick I just haven't felt like it. Dh works long hours and goes to school so he's usually too tired anyway, and even when we have a chance now that I'm feeling better, ds is awake and in our bed and MIL is over so we can't take advantage of any other rooms in the house. Im just not too worried about it though. I mean, I like sex, but right now it's really low on my and dh's priority list.

[NurseLaurie]

I hear you Candace. But in our case, it's only low on MY priority list. DH would have it the other way if he could, but he is being really understanding. I think this will all get a better when my hormones calm down a bit. I do feel bad for DH. He feels like it's back the first little bit that we were dating. Snuggle, snuggle, kiss, kiss and that's all she wrote. Poor fellow. He has a good sense of humor though. He keeps telling me to just let him know when he can have a go and the new and improved boobies. I went from a B to a D and he is just itching to have a go at them. I do love this man.

[mamacatsbaby]

That's too funny. What a sweetie pie your guy is. I was fairly certain that my DH had the market on all out wonderfullness fully covered. I also went from a B to a D and DH is just like "Holy moly woman!"

[mamacatsbaby]

I also just wanted to say that I too have been dreaming up some very disturbing things. I also agree with the PPs. This happened with me some in the beginning, totally had me freaking out with the extensive history of m/c in my family. I kept trying to remember that the blood vessels in my vagina were doin' their thing though. I can understand why you'd be having issues. For a long time my sister would let that fear and blame creep into her head after losing my little nephew. Only a few weeks ago DH and I got back to DTD 2 or 3 times a week after having no sexy contact for almost 2 months. The dry spell after having lovin' pretty much all the time before PG. I was just too tired and sick! Now we make time on my days off since DH is ready whenever I am.