DH Vent!!

[KerriAZ]

At my DH! We are in a FIGHT over names! OK. A little background... (And I am risking a lot by telling this part as I know that not everyone believes in this kind of thing...) I have always wanted to name my first son after my grandfather. He passed away when my mom was 8, but I have always had a "connection" to him. When *I* was 8, I had a dream about him. It was a very vivid dream. I had never seen a picture of him at this point... Well, I told my mom about the dream and she asked me what he looked like. I told her. Then she pulled out an old album and showed me a picture of him - it was exactly how he looked in my dream! Since then, I have always "felt" him near me. When I was 16 I was going through some stuff and I wasn't feeling too good about myself about a lot of things... I had another dream of him. He was sitting on the steps of the old Owen Homestead (where he grew up as a boy and where my mom lived til she was 9) and he stood up and walked to me. He put his arms around me and told me, "I'm so rpoud of you, Baby Girl." (Among other 'experiences' with 'him'.) So I have always wanted to name my first son after him. Trouble is, My last name is Jackson, so John Jackson doesn't work. So, I wanted to use his middle name, Wesley. Well, DH does NOT like the name, so we agreed a long time ago to use it as a middle name... Well, gotta skip a bit here.... For a girl, DH LOVES the name Natasha. I DO NOT! So DH comes to me last night and says, "Do you like the name Kalvin with a K?" I said I did. He said, "Well, I was thinking, we could go with Kalvin Andre and then we can pick something else instead of Natasha. "WHAT??? (BTW, we HAD been thinking Andre Wesley...) I said that he knew that Wesley meant a lot to me and I really wanted to keep it. He said, "Well, I just don't like it at all." I said, "Well, I don't like Natasha at all!" So he says, "Well, then I guess we just can't talk about names." and got all huffy and won't hardly talk to me at all about ANYTHING NOW! : I *tried* to compromise with him - He doesn't like Wesley so we use it as a middle name, I don't like Natasha so we use it as a middle name, but the INSTANT I even tried to talk about it (He didn't let me get it out) he said, "I am not discussing names with you."

OK. Now I know that we have a lot of time left seeing as I am not due til the end of April, but it still really sucks, ya know?? ESEPCIALLY since we aren't finding out what the baby is... I would AT LEAST like to know what we are going to NAME it!!

THEN he tells me that he doesn't really need to go the the ultrasound with me! I said WHAT? He said it WASN'T THAT BIG OF A DEAL!

Sobbing...

Kerri

[txgal]

Oh this naming thing can be so difficult. I think your solution of using both names for a middle name is fair. Maybe he will come around after he thinks about a bit. As for the ultrasound I am having the exact opposite problem, I don't want dh to come because he wants to know the sex and I don't and he refuses not to look. I even called the doctor today and told them to call me if they had an earlier appointment (my appt. is at 11:30, dh gets off work at 10:00, but it will take him at least an hour to get there). I keep saying it is things like this that are the reason pregnancy last 9 mo.

[KerriAZ]

LOL On the knowing the sex thing! You know, maybe you will get a cool tech... Our tech with DD asked us if we wated to know. We said no and my mom wanted to know so she asked what if we happened to see. Well, she said that if BOTH of the parents were not in agreement, or if they wanted NOT to know, then she didn't even GO in that area at all! LOL (She said, too, that that way she didn't accidentally slip! LOL She just referred to the baby as "she" the whole time regardless! LOL Just in our case, it tunred out we DID get a she! Ha ha)

And You are probably right! These things ARE the reasons that pregnancy lasts 9 months! Thanks for letting me vent, though! Feels better to get it out! And makes me less likely to do THIS to my DH!! LOL

Kerri

[2+twins]

I'm so sorry! I think you're being tremendously nice to even agree on using a middle name that you don't like. Personally I think that using your grandfather's first AND middle names together sound awesome with your last name. John Jackson doesn't sound bad at all IMO. Of course, I went to school with a guy named Jackson Jackson.

My dh & I are in a battle over names too. If it's a boy, we've basically agreed on a first name but he hates all my middle name ideas (and I have one in particular that I REALLY want to use). He only came up with one alternative middle name but even he didn't really like it (thought it sounded good together - which it does - but the name itself does nothing for us). We get caught in the dilemma of wanting a middle name that we like enough to use as a first name (just in case). We really haven't worked on a girl name yet - we always struggle there. I think our taste in names just don't mesh too well.

I know we have a long time too, but what else have I got to do while I wait? And besides, the baby will be here before we know it and it would be kinda nice to at least have some good options!



Sorry dh's are so lame sometimes!

[Stayathomemommy]

give the name thing more time and space. to avoid arguments and me getting very upset over DH not liking my names what we do is just throw out names constantly. he says no to everything i say no to all his suggestions then i tell him the ones i am really wanting and he does the same...........then give it time. his names start growing on me and mine start growing on him a little. weeks later is seems we are a step closer to agreement. this will go on for the entire time probably. sometime a name is repulsive till you go around pretending to call your imaginary baby it. some grow on you if you give it time. or scrap both your lists and look for new fresh names. eventually the one name that is ment to be will be found and loved by both of you.

[boobybunny]

John Wesley Jackson sounds GREAT!

Oh course I have a Jackson Cleary Anderson. (named after my bumpa)
so you may not think my naming skills are all that great.

[eilonwy]

I'm Jewish; it's very common for Jewish children to be named for deceased relatives. Mike liked the idea, too, and he understands why it would really be very upsetting to me to name a child after someone who was still alive.

That said, I'm still working on my great-grandfather's name.

[shelbean91]

I really, really wanted the name Jacob for a boy. Dh hated it. Ok, Jacob is out. We talked about other names. I left it. Dh and I are both very stubborn in that the more you push us, the harder we push back. If I pushed for a whole 9 mos on the name Jacob, he'd NEVER go for it. So, on the way to the hospital- I said, 'how about Jacob, we can call him Jake' He said 'Jake's good'. Woo-hoo. I win (check my siggy)!! :LOL After he was born, I said, so what is his name. He said 'whatever you want, he'll become that name'. So, through the whole pg, we were going back and forth btw Lucas and Seth for ds1 and we ended up with my 1st choice of Jacob (which dh was adamantly against - I first brought up when I was pg w/dd). Ds2 became Seth (which dh didn't originally like, either).

Just give it time. Also something we did was go through the name book and write all the names we liked -even a little bit- on a dry erase board. As we looked at them and decided if we liked them or not, we'd erase them. Either of us could erase, whenever, for whatever reason. When we got to about 4 names, I started mixing up middle names. We finally agreed on a name.

[AtThePark]

Isn't that cool California sufer singer named Jack Johnson - kind of like John Jackson.

Men.

Anyway - we know a Harry Harris.

There's this adorable little boy named Wesley at our park - he has this cowlick at his bangs and looks like he should have been a child 80 years ago. He's always riding around on this very cool vintage red Radio Flyer trike. So I like the name.

[littlebird]

Thank you for sharing about your dreams of your grandfather. That is very sweet and inspiring.

We actually wait to name our children until they are born. We may think of some names before, but not really seriously. We did pick a boy name for our first but we had a girl and had no girl names thought of. Same for the others.

Our theory is that we wait until we meet them face to face and see what they are like in the body.

I guess we're just weird. No ultrasounds- no names.

I hope you are your husband work things out soon. Remember love and communication.

Love,
Leslie

[jenny-g]

I really like your choice of names, actually, and, well, don't like your husband's, so maybe I'm not going to be unbiased here . I definitely think giving it time is good, and maybe it's his worry about the pregnancy/child that's making him behave.. like an ass. Of course he has to go to the U/S!!!! Maybe he *wishes* it wasn't a big deal, but knows it would be. He sounds like he might need some counseling to work out some of those issues. And, if anyone here has ever actually figure out how to get a husband to actually GO to counseling, do tell. (sigh).

Maybe you can try to weasel out of him what his real concerns are, and in the meantime, try writing down name lists on paper instead of talking about it.

We are reserving middle names for passed relatives (my mother, his grandfather), so in either case, it will have one name from one of us. I think it's actually a pretty common thing to do (and I love your grandfather's name! How lucky are you! We might put his middle name down on our list!)

[tiffer23]

Wow. That's not very nice of your husband. You want to use Wesley after an important family member. Natasha is just a name he likes, it has no other meaning. He shouldn't do that to you. Maybe you can use Natasha as a mn, that way you can use Wesley as a mn. I'd be so upset with my DH if he pulled something like that. I hope he comes to his senses and lets you use it without trying to get in a random name he just likes.