I know I haven't posted here much....

[Camellia]

I haven't posted here a lot throughout my pregnancy. Now I'm starting a thread all about me

I've been going through a lot with this pregnancy and just feel like I need some support and to vent a little. Thankfully I do have a lot of support IRL, but I am terribly needy right now. One of the choices I have made recently isn't quite in line with mothering, so I don't feel completely comfortable posting about it. I do feel ok here though.

First, let me say that I had planned a homebirth and I truly get how ideal natural child birth is. I also believe that a woman needs to listen to her body and her intuition. Sadly, my body and intuition are telling me that I would be taking a huge risk with my body if I tried birthing a baby through my vagina.

I have bad SPD (Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction). My pubic bone crushes and pops when I walk or try to roll over at night. Half the time I simply have to not move unless I have to, and the other half of the time I can hobble around if I have furniture to hold onto so I can support some of my upper body weight. Even with a relatively low risk of permanent damage to my pubic bone if I birth vaginally, its not a risk I can take. Living in this pain (even if it were greatly reduced) is not a possibility I can face.

I also had a 4th degree laceration when birthing my first child. Its healed well. I sometimes have some minor complications. I can live with things the way they are now. If I had another bad tear, however, I could face bowel incontinence in my 50's. Again, a risk I don't feel I can take.

Now for a few disclaimers. I firmly believe that every woman should choose what to do with her body. We are the only ones living in our bodies, and we must be responsible for the decisions we make. I know there are risks with a c-section. I do not want a c-section. I agonized for about 2 weeks over this choice. At one point I felt SO trapped. I have this precious life inside my body and I don't feel safe with ANY of my birthing choices. I finally feel settled with this choice.

I've had some great online support on ways to make a c-section safer for me, and ways to still demand that my baby be treated how dh and I wish after surgery. Dh and my mom are going to be vigilant while carrying out my wishes for me during and after surgery. I'm hoping to maintain as much control as I can under the circumstances.

I guess I just needed to get some of this out on mothering, because this place is important to me. Thanks for listening.

Also, please keep in mind that I am having some trouble expressing myself with written words lately. I am very fatigued, emotional, and I have been in vast amounts of pain for nearly 2 months. I do ok irl, but while typing I tend to lose focus easily. I hope this post is coherent

[MamaTaraX]

s:
I think its awesome that you listened to your body and are doing what you intuitively feel is best. That is incredibly important. So many women don't listen and have outcomes they didn't want, I'm really glad that you are doing exactly what you feel is right and I'm sure you'll have a wonderful birth experience because of it! Feel free to post anything, anytime.

Namaste, Tara
mama to Doodle (7), Butterfly (2), and Rythm (due at home 1/06)

[Camellia]

Thanks Tara

[ehsclt]

Lindsay, I think you expressed yourself very well. And I wholeheartedly agree with Tara. I think the huge problem in our society with Cesaerian births is that so many people who absolutely do not need them end up with them for all of those reasons we know about. But, you don't seem to me to fit into that category at all. You have weighed the risks and benefits and come up with the choice that is right for you. I commend you for that!

Emily

[phaeon]

Originally Posted by ehsclt

I think the huge problem in our society with Cesaerian births is that so many people who absolutely do not need them end up with them for all of those reasons we know about. But, you don't seem to me to fit into that category at all. You have weighed the risks and benefits and come up with the choice that is right for you. I commend you for that! Emily

Hear, hear! I totally agree. I think the general attitude at MDC, that which prizes natural birth, is a reaction to the medical community's misuse of technology, not to the technology itself. I think you have made a very informed decision, and can't imagine anyone here suggesting otherwise. There IS a time and place for things like planned c/s- as well as Pitocin, epidurals, fetal monitors, etc. etc. etc... It's when women submit to procedures without fully understanding them-- or, when they're pressured into unnecessary procedures without being offered all the alternatives-- that I get the sense people here raise their hackles about it. I am glad to read your story, and am sending you some peaceful thoughts, good wishes & prayers for your upcoming birth.

[Nature]

Lindsay, I believe we should always listen to our bodies and it sounds like thats what you're doing! I can totally sympathize with your pubic pain as I have the same thing. It stinks and though it sounds like I'm more mobile than you are.... I still know the pain.

I had a hard (very fast) labor and I've been very worried about birthing vaginally this time around myself. I did a lot of damage to my tailbone and that whole area in my last labor. I honestly have nightmares about it happening that way again.

[Camellia]

Thanks for the supportive words everyone. I know that just about everyone on MDC would understand my position. I just rarely have something to post here that goes against the grain, so to speak.

WitchyMama ~ I wish you well with your birth. I hope this time things are easier for you

[gethane]

Lindsaylou, you know I support you 100%

[Hollin]

I think most people here agree that c-sections are probably overused, but I for one am incredibly grateful that they're available in cases like yours where they're truly needed. I don't think a surgical birth lessens the accomplishment of creating a new life and mothering a new being at all.

[AAK]

I think that sometimes because of the high c-section rate in this country, people (esp. here) tend to question the validity of the surgery. This is really unfortunate. After all, c-section is sometimes the best decision a woman and her support team can choose. I congratulate you on making a good decision for you! I hope that you only find support online and in real life. Good luck and I hope you have a speedy recovery.

Amy

[Wugmama]

I'm so glad in this country we (mostly) have the right to choose what kind of birth we want (or feel we need)! That is too bad that you can't really go with what would be your first choice of a birth for yourself - it sounds like you are making a good decision though! I hope you can be at peace with your decision.

I hope you have a safe birth for you and your baby!

BTW, I can't really express myself very well lately either - sometimes can't even correctly finish a sentence at work to a co-worker. I tend to NEVER judge anyone's birth choices, C-section, hospital or homebirth, and would certainly not judge you. Take care of yourself!

~Tracy

[Camellia]

Thank-you all for such supportive replies! As each day goes by I feel more at peace with my choice. I've felt from the moment I made my choice that it was the right one for me. However, grieving the birth I would love to have takes time.

Thanks again. Its been really nice to have such positive feedback.