Originally Posted by captain crunchy
Wow, there is so much to respond to in the time I was caring for our daughter, watching a movie, and taking a wee nap!
Anyway, in regard to what we buy at the grocery store...of course up until a certain age I have to make the food decisions. I mean, would you have me put my daughter on the floor of the grocery store to crawl towards various items until she finds a box, and buy whichever boxes of things she gums the most or what? However, if she is 4 or 5 and says to me one morning, "I would like a banana split for breakfast mommy." I would kindly tell her we don't have everything it takes to make one, but we usually do have bananas and tofutti...and I could make her a "make-shift" one....but next time we went to the store I would buy the things she wants for a banana split if she chooses to have one again. You said that it is controlling because the food your child wants may not be in the house. Well, of course! Do you think I have every food option available in my home at all times? If my daughter made a request though, I would attempt to fill it... if not that moment, but the next time we shopped.
As for the poster who said that they are teaching their children that not everyone is going to jump at their requests, that they are teaching them about "the real world." I don't plan on jumping to my daughter's every request. However, I do believe when you surround yourself with people who care for you, share a similar morla code, and are generally respectful of you as well as themselves-- it creates an environment where people WANT to help you get the things you want and need in life, as you help them...whether it be emotionally or what. I would hate for my daughter to marry a man (or woman) who, if asked for something reasonable, said to my daughter "No, the world isn't going to jump to your requests lady." I want her to surround herself with people she loves and who love her, who she is willing to help and vice versa, in a consentual agreement of friendship or lover or whatever.
Will my daughter have an asshole boss someday? Probably, but I hope she has enough respect for herself or of a higher goal she wants to attain, to either shrug it off as them being a terribly unhappy, power-trippy person with nothing better to do than to treat her badly, or use the skills and education she has to seek other employment with someone more respectful to the person she is.
Life is a choice. Everything is a choice. Unless someone is holding a gun to your head threatening to pull the trigger, you have a choice in everything you do. Even then you have a choice, to scream or not. To try to live, or risk dying, whatever.
I am so sick of people thinking that life is full of things that other people, things, and situations that are "making" them do or not do something. Everything you do or don't do is directly related to a choice you made, and directly related to whether or not you are willing to suffer or benefit (whichever the case may be) from making other choices that change where you are, how you do things, what situation you are in.
People use the excuse that they are raising adults, and this is why they parent the way they do. I could say the same thing. I am raising someone who is going to have a say, who is going to be making every single choice that is going to affect the outcome of her life. No way am I going to raise a child, a daughter especially, who looks to someone else for the answers because she is so used to someone making her decisions for her that she can't be confident in any decision she makes herself because she never got the opportunity to make one.
I think offering two things that you are willing to "let" your child have, then feeling really good when they choose one of the things you wanted them to choose anyway...patting yourself on the back because you "let" them have a choice. That isn't a choice at all.
When I said we usually don't have certain things in our home, we don't. That is a fact. I am not going to stock up on a bunch of crap we haven't eaten for like 7 years "in case" my daughter decides she wants to try something. However, if she expresses interest in trying something, at a friend's house, grandmom's, birthday party, whatever...and comes to me and says "Oh.My.God. They have this stuff called cheetos, and I LOVE THEM...can we buy some????" I would, and let her regulate her consumption of them.