GD sucesses... something positive...

[umami_mommy]

reading these threads i see i lot of mamas really struggling. since i know the negative stuff really sticks out when you are trying to be non-violent with your kids, i wonder if anyone can share some good stuff?

one of the things i like about my son is he is getting better and better at claming himself down when he gets really wound up in a tantrum. now, instead of screaming for 20 minutes its like 2. (he is 3 and a few months) he does not like to be touch or comforted when melting down and so i used to just e a matter of leaving him along within in eyeball distance and waiting it out (ARGH!!) it's much better now and he is able work through what is happening for himself. he still struggles with using his words, but it's getting better.

and now he comes to me for a hug. i really like that.

how about you? what do you really like about your kids or about how you have handled something with GD?

[johub]

Oh what a GREAT idea! I love to share good stuff. But ya know, how often do you get invited to "brag" about your kids behavior! LOL

Friday afternoon my kids were a dream. After playgroup I wanted to get them some lunch before taking them to their grandmas house. As I was not in my part of town I didnt really know where I wanted to go which was between the two places. I just knew I didnt want to get them fast food, and my ds1 had been asking for pasta and meatballs and salad since breakfast.
It was seriously nearly an hour in the car, after their usual lunch/naptime before we got to a good place (sweet tomatoes, my favorite restaurant for toddlers)
Visualize this. One lady with a 3 year old and 2 two year olds and no other adults. They only had one of those highchairs on wheels, I would usually use two while I get our food to keep my twins safe and nearby while I am occupied. Anyway I put my ds2 in the highchair and had my dd2 walk. And she just stuck right close to me while I proceeded through the line. As of course did her brother, who at 3 already knows how.
Well after getting our food we got to our table and the place was busy and we got a booth. No room for high chairs in a booth. I am a little wary of not using high chairs in restaurants when I am alone because, you know. 3 toddlers. One mom with only 2 hands. But anyway I had them scoot into the booth and said "ok wait one minute while Mommy gets plates" (I needed the plastic small plates to divide their food up from one plate on my tray) And they sat intheir seats and waited patiently. I returned and divvied up their salads and gave them their forks and they proceeded to dig in. I then got up and got each of them either some pasta or macaroni and cheese. And they sat at the table and ate. There was no running around. No food throwing, no yelling, no tantrums. I returned, gave them their food. And sat and ate in peace enjoying the company of my 3 toddlers as they ate their food.
When I got up to get them their mini ice cream cones my 2 year old ds started to get up from the table so I looked at him and I said "Uh Oh! We have to stay in our seats at a restaurant." and he got back in his seat.
They ate their food. Ds 1 often asking for more bell pepper. Ds2 loving his olives and dd2 really enjoying everything, as she often does.
Then we cleaned up the table. Which wasnt very messy because they didnt throw or drop or spill etc. . . And then we left.
I read and hear all kinds of horror stories about moms who cannot take their 2 year old anywhere. Or kids who wont sit at the table. Or wont eat their vegetables or have tantrums in stores and restaurants.
But some children can be GDd and still behave in public. Eat inrestaurant. Have manners and follow directions. And all of this without yelling, nagging, spanking, shaming or really punishment at all.
My kids have their moments of course. But I would say that GD is proving to be very successful with my children.

Thanks for giving me a chance to share this lovely story.
Joline

[ETW]

We had a good experience this morning -- this story is not so much about my DS as about DH and me. We went for a run together with DS in the jogging stroller this morning. We were cutting things kind of close -- if we ran our usual pace without stops we would get home with about 20 minutes to dress for church and leave again. DS wore his church clothes in the stroller so we thought we'd make it. We had just turned around and were headed for home when DS started to fuss in the stroller -- we stopped to talk to him and he kept saying "park" with tears running down his little face. We realized that we had run right by a playground (one where we often stop and play in the middle of a run) and he had thought he was going to get to play. We felt really stuck because it seemed horribly unfair to him to run him past that playground without any preparation that we wouldn't have time to play, but we also didn't want to miss church. Then we had the idea that I could run home, change, pick up DH's church clothes, and pick DH and DS up at the park. DH didn't mind missing the rest of the run -- he was mostly just keeping me company. They had a fabulous time at the playground, we all enjoyed the comedy of DH changing his clothes in the car, and we made it church with minutes to spare. I was proud of us for coming up with a creative solution that made us all happy.

[johub]

Yesterday my dh beat me out in the GD!
Saturday evening I had an hour or so home alone before dh came home with the kid and so I did a project I had wanted to do for a long time.
My kids have a train table and train set. WHenever we go go toystores they will play with the train tables there for EVER and really really dig it. But ours at home they always take apart and never get to really play it. And they arent old enough to figure out how to put it back together. And it is pretty challenging even for me to figure it out. (mountains and tunnels and all that).
Ok so I thought I was a genius and I got out the wood glue and put the entire thing together and then carefully glued the train pieces down to the table and the signs and trees and left the people and the cars and the trains free for play.
Sunday morning I came in to the playroom to find my 3 year old had already ripped apart a section of track. I brought him in the room and told him how sad I was that he broke somethign I had worked hard for. DH asked him to help me fix it, which he happily did.
An hour later before leaving the house I looked and saw that the entire train set had been dismantled except for the 5 or 6 pieces we had glued that morning. Oooh, I was just so mad!!! My mind is racing. All I want is for them to be able to enjoy their train table like they would one of the ones at the store.
Anyway I told my DH that I guess they are just not old enough for the train and it was time to pack it up and put it away. And DH advised me that No, we didnt have to put it away, we just had to get out the drill and fasten the pieces to the board with screws like they do in the store.
I realized his answer was right. My suggestion was out of anger and was really punitive. His was a real solution.
Go GD DAddy!!
Joline

[irinam]

Some things that stuck:

DS, age 6 then, after being hit by a playmate, held playmates arm and firmly said "no". One of our "well-meaning" relatives witnessed it and commented "Oh, but you go to karate, you should have hit him right back!"
DS looked at him and said: "If I hit him back It would have hurt him much more than it hurt me. I don't want that"

At age 17, morning after a friends birthday party : "Mom, Dad, I need to seriously talk to you" and proceeded confessing about drinking alchohol at the party and how he should not have fallen under peer pressure. Neither DH nor I even suspected he had any, so it's not like we "forced" the confession out of him

DD this morning:
"Mommy I am dressing up fast, so you will not be late for work!" (and she did)

Explaining to her dolls how water is important and making (all by herself!) a comparison between washing ones body and washing ones "tummy's insides"

When being sick recently: "mommy, you gotta give me more "oily medicine" (flax oil) - it will help me feel better.

And on and on I can not come up with more dramatic ones right now, sorry...

[UmmBnB]

I believe that my sons deep sense of empathy and compassion come from our gentle yet firm approach to discipline and boundaries. Each day he does something really wonderful from helping redirect his baby sister, when he could be yelling at her or hitting her for tearing up his train set to just saying nice things.

Yesterday he and dh went to see a movie while I took dd to do some Christmas shopping. I told him that morning what the plan was. When I dropped them off at the theater he unbuckled himself from his carseat and started to climb out when he suddenly stopped. He turned around and said, "Mom, thanks for going Christmas shopping. If you want to get me something you can but I think Bella really needs to have a big Christmas this year." made me cry!!

[Monkeyfeet]

A month or so ago I posted how my dd (now 13 months old)shakes the parrot's cage and I was worried she was going to hurt him. Dh and I have been redirecting her and showing her how to interact with the bird. Well now when the bird throws his food outside of the cage, dd will go all around his cage, pick it up, open his door and put it back in the dish. It is so cute!

[jenmk]

So many GD things have worked with my kids, but this is just a little one that I notice every day.

My 3yo would take toys right out of his little (17mo) brother's hands. (This started 6-9 months ago.) When he started doing that, we told him he could not just take things out of ds2's hands, that if he wanted to play with whatever ds2 had, then he should bring over a different toy and trade with ds2. He started doing that after only a few reminders. He's been doing it ever since (though there is the occasional grab still). And now ds2, at 17 months, is doing that with the 3yo! No prodding needed, he just knows that's how you do things.

I do have great kids, though it may get a little bumpy here and there, overall things go pretty smoothly. They are amazing. I love my littles!

[OakBerry]

My ds was going through a difficult and annoying phase over the summer. He would throw all his toys on the floor. He would open up the bins with the small parts toys and just start dumping. Then he would stomp on them, and refuse to help clean up. It took lots of repetition, and me putting some of his toys away out of reach. Recently he's been the one initiating clean up. Before leaving the house, or going to bed, he will pick up all his toys and put them up on his toy shelf. I still help him but he does a pretty good job on his own. It makes me proud but it's even better to see how proud he is of himself.

[annekevdbroek]

What a nice thread!!! My son is 28 months and I think on a daily basis demonstrates good things about GD. This is sort of a secondairly good thing. About the time that he was 1 year-old my MIL realized that we were not going to spank. I then endured a lot of stories about how effective spanking is - how my SIL spanked that it solved this or that problem, how my MIL spanked the grandkids when she babysits and it solved some othe problem. I just kept saying to her "well, we just don't like that and aren't planning to do it." I did not say out loud my thoughts about what else they are doing aside from "solving" problem x or y (always something minor).

Fast forward to a few weeks ago. My husband and I decided to let our DS go stay at his grandparents house -after a discussion about how he is not be be spanked (and also has to ride in a carseat, which is a whole other troubling story). Well - we heard back from Grandma about what a dream our little DS is - the easiest to take care of, listens when talked to, happy and cooperative, gentle, does what is asked, etc. - and suprise suprise he does this all at 28 months thanks to GD and never ever ever ever ever being spanked, threatened, etc.

It was good that they validated our approach AND hopefully began to challenge just a little bit the way they've always approached child rearing. So, a kudos to my son and GD.

[Dal]

We (me, dh, and 19 month old ds) went shopping tonight. We had to drive to get there. In the past, we have sometimes forced Simon into his carseat. We felt horrible about this and it was needless. Tonight we decided to aim for mutual agreeability. The three of us were in the car. Simon decided to climb into the front for awhile to play. Fine. We waited a few minutes. We told him that we were eager to go shopping and could he please get into his seat so that we can get going. It seemed like he wouldn't do this. We started to discuss just forgetting about it -- the trip wasn't important at all -- and Simon plopped into his seat and we did up the buckles without any problem at all. While it seemed like it took a long time, I'm sure that the entire situation was over in well under 10 minutes.

The same thing started to happen on the way home and dh had some intestinal discomfort and was eager to get going. Once again we didn't prevent Simon from climbing into the front seat. At first Simon was sitting on the driver's seat and didn't want to move. Rather than forcibly move him -- which would have really upset him -- we just let Simon know that Dad wants to get into the car. Within a very short while Simon moved. Since we were in a rush, I could tell that dh was thinking of forcing Simon into the seat. But he came up with a better idea instead. We offered Simon a piece of chocolate and he happily moved to his seat as it was a comfortable place to eat it. Some may see that as bribery, but for us it helped Simon to happily accept something that typically bores him, and it helped poor dh get to the toilet sooner rather than later.

Had we forced Simon into the seat, he would have gotten over it (at least visibly) but I would feel like total crap. The process of doing that would have shot my blood pressure WAY up and been extremely unpleasant. It would have been very disrespectful to Simon's interests. The alternatives we came up with worked for all of us and we all enjoyed the entire trip. Perhaps if he had been forced into the seat he would have been in a fragile mood at the store, and more conflicts would have emerged there. I do find that conflicts beget conflicts.

[JERENAUD]

For me, a big part of GD is about respecting my child. She is two years old and 'slow to warm up. (What everyone else refers to as "shy"). We had been going to the same playgroup for months, with her spending most of the 1-2 hours sitting on my lap or playing with me. I supported her in her play, but did not force her to be more independent as I felt it important to respect her personality. Today she played with the kitchen set even though there were a lot of kids there. I respected her needs and she's still getting 'where she needs to be".

My other 'success' story has to do with non physical, non punitive discipline. Though she is quiet when around other children she seems to be able to cope effectively with them. The other day another child attempted to take a toy she was using. She calmly removed his hand from the toy and continued to play. He wasn't upset, she wasn't upset, no one had to intervene. There was no aggression and no sense of a power imbalance. It was really fascinating to watch!

These likely aren't quite what you were looking for, but they are two things that are current in our lives and of which I am quite proud.

Erica