How do you control your Anger?

[**guest**]

Ds does not listen. He's constantly doing things that could either hurt himself or could break something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I have done all the things I'm 'supposed' to do. He'll be 3 just before xmas so he's old enough that he SHOULD understand what NO means. I've tried explaining things in very simple terms (if you do 'that', you can get hurt); have tried just saying NO; tried redirecting; even tried bribery of sorts. LOL.
Oh, btw, although this is my only child, I've worked with children for over 20 yrs. Yes, my son my have some developmental issues but I doubt to the point of his not being able to listen. (His hearing is fine).

Now, here's my problem... After repeated instances of him deliberately knocking things over, etc etc, I get ANGRY. Oh my, I get angry. My rage monster fights it's way to the surface. I can feel my face going all red and it's soooo hard not to just scream at him. I do mess up and scream/shout sometimes and it makes me feel like a piece of poop.

So, I'm looking for creative ways that others may handle their anger so that they can use GD instead.

Oh yeah, my son gets a ton of positive attention...He's certainly not lacking in that department. I'm a sahm and with him almost all the time. We go to playgrounds and parks, playdates, activities, etc, so it's not as if he's acting out because he's bored.

Really, just looking for ways to control my anger and/or get him to listen.
Please be gentle...My mind is fragile at this point. And I really don't want to throw the computer monitor across the room. (joke)

Thanks!
Liz
Going to church now...Will check back later.

[HappyHSer]

He'll be 3 just before xmas so he's old enough that he SHOULD understand what NO means. I've tried explaining things in very simple terms (if you do 'that', you can get hurt); have tried just saying NO; tried redirecting; even tried bribery of sorts. LOL.

I'm off to church, too, so I only have a minute. I wanted to say that although young children understand cognitively the word "no", they lack the maturity and impulse control to consistently act on the understanding.

One thing to try, especially since you are dealing with some developmental issues is to switch "no" to something more specific. "Hot", "sharp", "danger", "not for Cameron", etc.

Some ideas on your anger:

Since you mentioned church, I'll mention the book (Christian) She's Gonna Blow by Barnhill.

Another book is "When Anger Hurts Your KIds" - great for identifying triggers.

Reading some books by Ames an Ig on age expected behavior would help, too.

The book Easy To Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky Bailey is excellent.

Make sure you are eating well, resting well and getting exercise (that's a huge help for me). Admit that raging feeds more raging. Don't go there. Get outside support and companionship. Take good care of you.

Risk finding an accountability partner in this.

Here is some parenting help:

http://joanneaz_2.tripod.com/positiv...nter/id23.html

Here is my related story:

http://joanneaz_2.tripod.com/positiv...nter/id32.html

[**guest**]

[QUOTE=HappyHSer]
One thing to try, especially since you are dealing with some developmental issues is to switch "no" to something more specific. "Hot", "sharp", "danger", "not for Cameron", etc.
[QUOTE]

Yep, I do that already. Don't know if I was clear in my post.... I actually was a preschool teacher, daycare center teacher and Professional Nanny for many years. I've taken the classes and have tons of experience. It's just that I have tried everything already with ds but none of it works.
It's just so frustrating.

I guess I need more ideas for controlling my angry feelings instead of ideas to get ds to actually listen. Only because I've probably tried everything that will get suggested for getting ds to STOP.

Thanks for your help!
I'll try reading those links.
Hugs,
Liz

[**guest**]

Oh yeah, I forgot to say that I'm not christian. (i go to a UU church).

hugs,
Liz

[Monkeyfeet]

No helpful ideas here, my dd is just 13 months old.

I just wanted to say that it is great that you understand that you get that angry and are looking for a way to diminish that.

[Finch]

Well, I have anger issues, and have actually taken a private anger management course (1 on 1). Here's a quick way to de-escalate in a pinch. Remember the phrase "I AM WORTH IT." It breaks down into 4 questions you ask yourself EVERY time you feel yourself getting angry:

1. Is this important to me?
2. Is it appropriate for me to be upset about this? (this is the question that usually stops me cold, especially when it comes to ds)
3. Is it modifiable?
4. Is is worth it?

If you answer NO to ANY of the questions, stop. Remove yourself from the situation or do some deep breathing. If you answer yes to all of them, okay, your anger is justified, but still, you've asked yourself the questions so you have a second or two to reign it in.

Yes, it seems incredibly dorky. But it works if you use it.

[**guest**]

Finch, THANK YOU! That's the kind of thing i was looking for! Something to calm my butt down before I end up exploding.

THANK YOU again!
Liz

[Finch]

NP. My counselor also suggested, if you're having trouble remembering to use it, a way to help "cue" you is to put brightly colored dots (you know those sticker dots you get at office supply stores?) at eye level at unusual places around the house, where you know they'll catch your attention. Use only one color, put them at various points where you usually find yourself in anger-inducing situations (for me that would be the changing table and the kitchen), at eye level, so you will see them and be reminded to ask yourself your questions before you escalate.

Again, dorky, but if you use it, it works.

[**guest**]

Woohoo...Perfect!


Liz

[HappyHSer]

Finch, THANK YOU! That's the kind of thing i was looking for! Something to calm my butt down before I end up exploding.

THANK YOU again!
Liz

Liz, I just wanted to encourage you to take a look at the books I mentioned. Each of them is about changing the thinking that builds momentum into a rage.

[**guest**]

Joanne- Bookmarked it. thanks!