This little letter that I just typed up is self-explanatory. I have taken out the name of the restaurant for this public post, since I should give them a chance to respond first. We'll see what happens! Oh, I have to proof-read more etc. but this is basically it! Enjoy!
Dear Sir or Madame,
I am writing to report my disappointment with the service I received at ------ last night, November 12th. After being seated with the rest of my party of nine, our waiter took drink orders. Although I was seated next to my husband, he asked for his order first and then went around the table, coming to me last, as which point he asked “are you OK with water?” to which I replied “no” and I ordered a coffee.
The reason why he thought that perhaps I would be not ordering a drink is because I am obviously (nine months) pregnant. However, I do not believe that it appropriate for my waiter to assume that he knows what, if anything, a pregnant woman or any other patron would be drinking or not drinking. First of all, alcoholic beverages are not recommended to be consumed during pregnancy but their consumption is not illegal. It is the woman’s choice whether she decides to drink alcohol during pregnancy or not. There are also times in pregnancy when a doctor might recommend for a woman to have a glass or half a glass of wine such as after amniocentisis or to identify false labor. In other cultures, such as European ones, it is not uncommon for a woman to drink an occasional glass of wine while pregnant. Since Chicago is a world-class city hosting many international visitors and since --- is one of the city’s top restaurants, I would expect the staff to be familiar with this. Additionally, perhaps a woman would like to order a glass of wine or another drink so that she can try a sip or raise her glass in a toast with the rest of her party.
Secondly, there are certainly other drinks besides water and alcoholic beverages offered at --- – the most obvious being soda, juice, or any of the dozens of mixed drinks that can no doubt be made “virgin.”
While this specific comment from the waiter was offensive to me, what I find most disturbing is that this was an indirect comment on my physical appearance. While I am “very pregnant” and I certainly cannot blame anyone for taking notice of that, I was made very uncomfortable that a server found the audacity to actually comment on my physical appearance, especially since the server was male and he was commenting on my appearance as a female. I am sure that ---- would not find it appropriate for a server to comment on the fact that a patron might be in a wheelchair or be wearing a low-cut blouse – although he might notice these things, I believe the appropriate response would be no response – to treat the person like anyone else enjoying a dinner out at one of Chicago’s premier restaurants.
During this wonderful time of my life in which I have been expecting the birth of my first child, I have struck up many pleasant conversations with wait staff at restaurants in my local town of Downer’s Grove, in Hyde Park where I am a graduate student, and in downtown Chicago restaurants as well. I do not feel that I am “above” the people who serve me meals and I do enjoy friendly conversations with some, especially at some of our neighborhood places where my husband and I have known the staff for years and it was great to see the expressions on faces when people realized we were expecting.
However, I am not a regular at ----, having been there only once before, and don’t know any of the staff. I was made to feel very uncomfortable by this waiter who indirectly commented on my appearance and then had the presumption to suggest that I must be drinking only water. I am writing this to let you know so that you can take steps to assure that your future women customers are not objectified and condescended to the way I was.
Dear Sir or Madame,
I am writing to report my disappointment with the service I received at ------ last night, November 12th. After being seated with the rest of my party of nine, our waiter took drink orders. Although I was seated next to my husband, he asked for his order first and then went around the table, coming to me last, as which point he asked “are you OK with water?” to which I replied “no” and I ordered a coffee.
The reason why he thought that perhaps I would be not ordering a drink is because I am obviously (nine months) pregnant. However, I do not believe that it appropriate for my waiter to assume that he knows what, if anything, a pregnant woman or any other patron would be drinking or not drinking. First of all, alcoholic beverages are not recommended to be consumed during pregnancy but their consumption is not illegal. It is the woman’s choice whether she decides to drink alcohol during pregnancy or not. There are also times in pregnancy when a doctor might recommend for a woman to have a glass or half a glass of wine such as after amniocentisis or to identify false labor. In other cultures, such as European ones, it is not uncommon for a woman to drink an occasional glass of wine while pregnant. Since Chicago is a world-class city hosting many international visitors and since --- is one of the city’s top restaurants, I would expect the staff to be familiar with this. Additionally, perhaps a woman would like to order a glass of wine or another drink so that she can try a sip or raise her glass in a toast with the rest of her party.
Secondly, there are certainly other drinks besides water and alcoholic beverages offered at --- – the most obvious being soda, juice, or any of the dozens of mixed drinks that can no doubt be made “virgin.”
While this specific comment from the waiter was offensive to me, what I find most disturbing is that this was an indirect comment on my physical appearance. While I am “very pregnant” and I certainly cannot blame anyone for taking notice of that, I was made very uncomfortable that a server found the audacity to actually comment on my physical appearance, especially since the server was male and he was commenting on my appearance as a female. I am sure that ---- would not find it appropriate for a server to comment on the fact that a patron might be in a wheelchair or be wearing a low-cut blouse – although he might notice these things, I believe the appropriate response would be no response – to treat the person like anyone else enjoying a dinner out at one of Chicago’s premier restaurants.
During this wonderful time of my life in which I have been expecting the birth of my first child, I have struck up many pleasant conversations with wait staff at restaurants in my local town of Downer’s Grove, in Hyde Park where I am a graduate student, and in downtown Chicago restaurants as well. I do not feel that I am “above” the people who serve me meals and I do enjoy friendly conversations with some, especially at some of our neighborhood places where my husband and I have known the staff for years and it was great to see the expressions on faces when people realized we were expecting.
However, I am not a regular at ----, having been there only once before, and don’t know any of the staff. I was made to feel very uncomfortable by this waiter who indirectly commented on my appearance and then had the presumption to suggest that I must be drinking only water. I am writing this to let you know so that you can take steps to assure that your future women customers are not objectified and condescended to the way I was.
:
) said, "I also have cupcakes because YOU can't have any of these!"
