Well, my daughter is still too young yet to talk to and interact with verbally (on her part anyway), but we already model respect. Respect to me, is basically what you said, treating people how they (or you would) like to be treated as it relates to kindess, decency, treating someone as an equal to you regardless of age, race, sexual preference, education level etc. In simple terms, treating human beings as they have as much right to exsist and as much of a right to their choices, body, opinions, and preferences as you do.
How we model this with our daughter is basic for now. She is at the age where the only strong cue that she doesn't feel good or is not happy is by her body language, and by crying. Sometimes when I am changing her clothes for instance, she gets upset. I immediately stop what I am doing the minute she cries. She sees me stopping the action that for whatever reason is making her upset, and that is how I show her respect. Usually in a matter of seconds, she chills out and I continue to dress her.
The same with her car seat. Man, she did not dig that thing in the beginning. In the beginning, we stopped the car every single time she cried. Sometimes we would have to pull off and stop 5 times on our way home from a 10 minute trip. Yeah, it was annoying, but every time she cried, we did it, consistantly, and comforted her until she was calm. The result of that is that gradually we only had to stop 4 times, then 3, then 2, then 1, now we never have to stop, as she never gets upset in her seat anymore. I feel a lot of that has to do with the security she feels now that if something was *really* upsetting or wrong with her, she knows we would stop.
Some people might think our child is "ruling" us. I don't at all. If I were upset about something and didn't have the words to express it and someone completely ignored me, that would hurt. I give her the same respect I would expect from anyone that claims to truly care for me.
I think the greatest respect one can have though, is for themselves. To me, if you respect yourself, there is little room for acting out. If you are confident in your choices, your moral character, secure in yourself and your worth, you will most likely project that in your every day dealings with other people, thus showing them respect in return.
In a family dynamic, I think it is hard to teach a child respect for themselves and for others when the people who are supposed to love them the most wield their power over them for no other reason than the fact that the children are smaller and are "their" children...as if they were property. Even if done in a pleasant way, children still know who holds the power in the relationship, who makes the choices, who runs the show, who determines the course of their young lives -- and to me, it is not consistent with mutual respect if one person has all the power over another.
When reflecting and deciding how I want to be with my daughter, I only have to look as far as myself and the people around me. Most human beings, other than our unique idiosyncricies (sp?) are pretty much alike. I have resented almost everyone in my life who has taken pleasure in making it known to me that they are "the boss". On the other side though, I have tremendously respected, valued, and cherished the relationships I have developed with people who, although may have held a higher "rank" than me (boss, teacher, whatever), still treated me as an equal and used their position to act as a source of guidance and assistance rather than an "authority" figure.
So, just as one mom wants children to call her "Mrs. Lastname" to show respect while that wouldn't really do anything for me, I think our kids have varying preferences as to how they want their needs met, too.
