Giving birth in India

[USAmma]

My dear SIL is pg!! She and her dh have been ttc for seven years! It's still early but I want to help her prepare for childbirth. I was training to be a doula before I had dd2, and I offered to be there for the birth if she wanted. She said she might like that, but of course it depends on if we can get tickets.

I have not yet talked to her about childbirth or what kind of place she plans to give birth in. From what she and MIL were telling me, the nurses in the hospitals are mainly there for the money and are not compassionate at all. One reason she stopped IF treatments was because they made her feel like an animal and basically left her to fend for herself after her painful lap procedure. I know they have "nursing centers" there where they expect natural childbirth. I just don't know how supportive they actually are towards the laboring women, KWIM? Homebirth is out of the question for her. My IL's believe doctors are next to God and they want doctors involved or at least available.

My MIL is very no-nonsense. She was at my birth and was very businesslike. I don't know of anyone else who can be there to support SIL with compassion so I hope I can make it for her birth!

Can anyone shed any light on giving birth there? They are in a big city in S. India.

Any books I can send her? I was thinking about Ina May's Guide to Childbirth.

Thanks for any thoughts you can give me on this. I'm just so excited and I'm hoping and praying the pregnancy sticks and they have a healthy baby! (At least I know if it's a boy it will be intact, and she wants to bf and babywear, and cloth diaper!

[thismama]

I liked Ina May a lot, and also Pam England's "Birthing From Within."

Congrats to your SIL on her pregnancy! Sending sticky vibes.

[TurboClaudia]

congratulations to your SIL, USAmma! it sounds like it has been quite a journey for her...

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth would be good, just for the wonderful birth stories in the first half.

I would also recommend anything by Sheila Kitzinger since she has a focus on how different cultures experience and approach birth. Although your SIL may not have the same interest, it would at least expose her to what other cultures do and perhaps make her feel more comfortable with what Indian culture expects.

It sounds like the next piece of the journey will be to find a physician that will be understanding and supportive of her wishes, especially since she may not have the most forthcoming nursing care.

hoping that everything falls into place for you so you can join her and be a support person for her while she welcomes her new baby!

~claudia

[Artisan]

Did you ever see the Birth Day Live special that profiled women around the world giving birth? Russia, Ethiopia, San Francisco, Germany, China, and India. The maternity hospital on the show was actually kind of sad. It was also in a big city, and when women were in labor, they came to the hospital and were admitted to the labor room, which was a huge room with about 20 beds in it. The women were expected to stay in the beds and be quiet, and there were two nurses assigned to the room. If a woman was ready to deliver, she had to wait her turn until the delivery room was available. One woman had to hold her legs together until it was her turn. Afterward, the nurses expected a bribe from the father so the father could see the baby. It was the family's responsibility to bring food to the mother at the hospital as well.

I don't know if it's anything like what your SIL will experience, but it was an eye-opening show.

Oh, and I second the book recs!

[USAmma]

Originally Posted by reader

Did you ever see the Birth Day Live special that profiled women around the world giving birth? Russia, Ethiopia, San Francisco, Germany, China, and India. The maternity hospital on the show was actually kind of sad. It was also in a big city, and when women were in labor, they came to the hospital and were admitted to the labor room, which was a huge room with about 20 beds in it. The women were expected to stay in the beds and be quiet, and there were two nurses assigned to the room. If a woman was ready to deliver, she had to wait her turn until the delivery room was available. One woman had to hold her legs together until it was her turn. Afterward, the nurses expected a bribe from the father so the father could see the baby. It was the family's responsibility to bring food to the mother at the hospital as well.

I don't know if it's anything like what your SIL will experience, but it was an eye-opening show.

Oh, and I second the book recs!

That's exactly how my MIL described the nursing centers! The only ones who use hospitals are high risk or csections. My MIL's first birth was a true dry birth, due to her water being broken for more than 2 days and finally they gave her something to start labor. My dh's skin was really messed up, and I can't even imagine pushing out a baby with little or no lubrication. She said it was very hard. Her second birth, she went into labor just fine but the labor was stopped b/c the doctor was attending to someone else! Then it was restarted with meds when it was her turn to deliver. Can you imagine? I wish I could bring SIL to the states for the birth. I have much better faith in the midwives here. But she won't be able to get a visa when pg.

This is why I want to try hard to be there for the birth. I mean, the baby will probably be fine either way, but SIL deserves a good, compassionate birth.

[noorjahan]

Hi, I am from Bangladesh, and it is pretty much the same (how a labor is handled in hospital) in India and Bangladesh . However, it happens in govt/public hospital. There going to a private clinic is the only best option other than home of course. One downside in private clinic is they might want to do c-sec for no reason to make more money. If I were in my country now what I would have done is: go to a private clinic and read a lot and be knowledgeable so that doctors in clinic can't say I need c-sec for "insert any reason". Is there private clinic available where she lives? If she in Madras/Chennai I am definately sure there are a lot.

[MrsMoe]

Originally Posted by reader

Did you ever see the Birth Day Live special that profiled women around the world giving birth? Russia, Ethiopia, San Francisco, Germany, China, and India. The maternity hospital on the show was actually kind of sad. It was also in a big city, and when women were in labor, they came to the hospital and were admitted to the labor room, which was a huge room with about 20 beds in it. The women were expected to stay in the beds and be quiet, and there were two nurses assigned to the room. If a woman was ready to deliver, she had to wait her turn until the delivery room was available. One woman had to hold her legs together until it was her turn. Afterward, the nurses expected a bribe from the father so the father could see the baby.

[Momtezuma Tuatara]

I think I'd be doing what they did before doctors and hospitals got their money grubbing dipsticks into the game.

Having the baby metaphorically under the kitchen table.

After all, that's how it was done in her grandmother's day. And that's still how a lot of mothers in India do it anyway.

[USAmma]

Originally Posted by Momtezuma Tuatara

I think I'd be doing what they did before doctors and hospitals got their money grubbing dipsticks into the game.

Having the baby metaphorically under the kitchen table.

After all, that's how it was done in her grandmother's day. And that's still how a lot of mothers in India do it anyway.

Believe me I would encourage that, but MIL and FIL are way big into doctors. If the doctor said it, then it's gospel truth. Period. :

[TurboClaudia]

OT: darshani, i just noticed the toddler poop reference in your siggy and read your updates on nitara's page! that is fantastic news! go nitara go!

~claudia

[Defenestrator]

I don't suppose that coming to the U.S. would be an option? I know that it would probably be hard on her to fly back during her recovery from birth, but she may be able to have a much better experience.

I was a doula once for an Indian-born rheumatologist who went into labor very fearfully because of all of the horrors she had witnessed as a medical student working in gov't hospitals in India. Humiliation, no privacy, inadequate pain relief, etc. She said that they had something they called the "verbal epidural" where they would silence a woman in pain by yelling at her until she shut up. Scary. This was probably 10 years ago (when she was in school), but I had dinner with her and one of her friends who had attended a different medical school and she had similar stories to tell.

[USAmma]

Originally Posted by Defenestrator

I don't suppose that coming to the U.S. would be an option? I know that it would probably be hard on her to fly back during her recovery from birth, but she may be able to have a much better experience.

I was a doula once for an Indian-born rheumatologist who went into labor very fearfully because of all of the horrors she had witnessed as a medical student working in gov't hospitals in India. Humiliation, no privacy, inadequate pain relief, etc. She said that they had something they called the "verbal epidural" where they would silence a woman in pain by yelling at her until she shut up. Scary. This was probably 10 years ago (when she was in school), but I had dinner with her and one of her friends who had attended a different medical school and she had similar stories to tell.

SIL will not be able to get a visa to the US while pregnant. It was hard enough for her to get a visa last time to visit us. I greatly fear for her and I hope they can find a nice hospital with a private room. Luckily they can afford better than a gov't hospital, but they are not rich either, to be able to afford the absolute best there is to offer.

[USAmma]

Thanks everyone, for the book suggestions so far! I'm taking notes and will be sending her a big care package as soon as she passes her first trimester safely.