I had a bad moment

[Marlet]

I yelled at my 6 month old. It was last night and I feel so bad! DD was particularly onery yesterday. She refused to eat on my left side, ony wanted to nurse laying down in bed (nowhere else), didn't want to be touched but freaked out cause I wouldn't touch her etc. Yesterday was a battle all day long. I know she didn't feel well but I was tired of it! I finally got her to eat on the left side and she was scratching the back of my arm and pinching it so hard I was crying so I screamed at her to knock it off. We both cried afterward (she because I scared her and me cause I was a "mean" mommy). I'm thinking of putting this in breastfeeding as well but wanted some advice from you wise mamas over here. How do you "discipline" someone so young? I don't feel I should since she is so young but she's hurting me!!! She knows she is too cause when I pull her hand off and tell her no she'll stop (given she's not upset about something). Ugh! Help me not yell. This is the second time. The first was after she was born and wouldn't latch and we were both tired and new to it all and frustrated and I thought it was going to be easier. Easy does not equal children.

[vermonttaylors]

to you mama. I had a bad day yesterday too and a bad moment tonight (although I managed to rope it in as it threatened to get out of control). Parenting is HARD! Forgive yoursekf and move on, your daughter already has.

[moma justice]

take a break before it gets to that point...i came from a family that did a lot of yelling and hitting...and when i get over tired, over whelmed, you get me....
i can start to feel like i am loosing control of ME...
so i take a break before it gets to the point........when dd
was that age i even would lay her down on the bed and whisper in her ear that i had to step out onto the porch to get a breath of air and i would be right back.

and i would...under 2 minutes i had her back in my arms with a lot more self control and serenity....

also pick her up and put her in the sling and take a walk outside...this will usually calm everyone down.

or put her in the carseat and go for a drive and listen to soft music....

my dh was not around and i did not have friends or family when she was that age...but if you have any of that access it on a weekly basis...so that you can have time for reflection....
have a peson "on call" for if you need a break right away.

i now a have a group of friends in my area i can call on to take dd for 30 minutes while i go for a walk if i need to get a break before i loose it.

and just for YOU and your abilty to stay a calm and loving momma...keep reading about GD here and in books....

if you already have the urge to yell now.,...chances are you will have your work cut out for you keeping your cool when your dd turns 2 (and on up)
b/c there are usually more opportunites to feel stressed and challenged...
if you stay very focused on REPROGRAMING your thinking on how you want to treat your child when you feel stressed...then you will be better able to keep your anger in check...

good luck
it is scary i know.

[PortraitPixie]

Ohh, Cassie! We have all been there! You are not a bad mommy, just one in need of a break once in a while.

You probably know about this site already, but Kellymom.com has tons of good info about nursing 'manners' and the like..it's a nice big site full of really sound info.

Take a deep breath and do something nice for yourself.

[cmb123]

Originally Posted by OtherMother'n'Madre

How do you "discipline" someone so young?

I don't feel an infant of 6months should be disciplined for not feeling well. Yes, it can be annoying to have to deal with a cranky baby, I agree, but what would you "discipline" her for exactly?

Originally Posted by OtherMother'n'Madre

I don't feel I should since she is so young but she's hurting me!!! She knows she is too cause when I pull her hand off and tell her no she'll stop

Just because she stops when you pull her hand off an say NO does not mean she "knows" she is hurting you, or trying to hurt you on purpose. A 6mo isn't capable of that. She's just a baby. Pinching you is about satisfying herself in some way (NOT by upsetting you,but a comfort thing) it's not about you.

Chances are, if she was refusing one of your breasts, it may have caused her some discomfort or even pain for her to lay on that side to nurse. You mentioned she was not feeling well, so that would make a lot of sense. One thing you can try is "sliding" her over from your other breast (so she's still laying the same way) to nurse on the other side, or if you are lying on the bed, you can flip over so she can still lay on the side that's OK with her. OR it really is just fine to only nurse on one side. Your body will adjust, and then adjust back when she goes back to it. If your breast is uncomfortable,you can pump (or manually express) a little to make yourself more comfortable.

I would definatly recommend reading up on age appropriate behaviour and expectations. Babies and toddlers can frustrate the heck out of all of us sometimes, but as soon as you can learn not to take it personally, the happier you all will be. Discipline will become appropriate at some point, but understanding age appropriate behavior will help you do decide when action is warranted and when it's not (i.e. if you dd is pinching you enough to make you cry at 5yrs- yup, ya probably want to do something about that, but a 6month old nursing baby, no).

[rzberrymom]

Oh, I know what you're going through with the pinching! DD started that at around 6 months, and it has just now tapered off at around 9 months. It was so incredibly painful, but I learned to put my hand in the way so that she'd at least pinch some other area that wasn't so sore.

Dr. Sears says pinching while breastfeeding is common for that age group--she really isn't being inappropriate but is probably doing it for comfort or just the stimulation. I always told myself that she was just working on her fine motor skills, and I wondered whether bottlefed babies missed out on practicing those skills.

6 months is such a hard time for them--so much going on. I remember it getting a LOT easier in just a few weeks.

[Dal]

Dr. Sears (I think it was him!) also admits that in a frustrated moment, he once screamed at his baby: "Shut up!" I don't agree that it happens to everyone (though unfortunately I have rather loudly told Simon to "shut up" when I was extremely overtired and he kept screaming and screaming -- this was also when he was very young and I have managed to avoid yelling at him again). I also don't agree that a person who has yelled when overwhelmed or whatever is, for that reason, a lesser mother than someone else who hasn't. We may not all yell, but we all have our problem areas and our relationships are extremely complex. (Just felt a need to say something about the claim that everyone sometimes yells at their children. Don't know why I'm sensitive to claims like that, maybe it's because I'm overly worried that someone might then expect to yell (or whatever it taken to "happen to all of us") and end up doing so as a result of this expectation, or that it might otherwise be normalized. I should just assume that it wasn't meant to be taken literally (even if it was!)!!!

[WuWei]

Dear OtherMother,

When our son was that age, I was sleep deprived and my patience for physical violation was like yours. As I had been physically punished as a child, the act of experiencing pain induced by another person felt like a violation to me. And I know that is a strong word. But, my viceral emotional response was to want to defend myself with my voice by yelling. Fortunately, it only happened a couple of times before I realized I had to make a change. I sought more resources to provide myself a break, if only for a few minutes to myself. Dh was on duty the moment he walked in the door to give me those few minutes to walk outside and breathe.

I agree with Mama Justice that this is just the tip of the iceburg. When they get older, it is harder to rein in those learned emotional responses of childhood. Her idea of stepping outside for a minute is better than losing your control, imo. Finding ways to nourish yourself is critical. If sleep deprivation is the issue, take naps with your daughter as a critical element of your lives. Do not do other chores and activities. SLEEP. Take a nap when dh comes home. Do this as critical self-care until you are not sleep deprived. (This was at about age 2 for us.) Consider reading "The No Cry Sleep Solution" to help with frequent night nursing/waking issues if this is a problem. I didn't read it until ds was about 18 months old. I truely wish I had read it before he was born.

Eat Protein. I believe this was critical to me too. Still is. My patience is directly affected by my protein consumption. No protein=No patience. Cut slices of cheese, peel hard boiled eggs, have a container of nuts handy, drink plenty of fluids. These self-care activities helped me to have more self-awareness and self-control when our son's normal developmental behaviors *felt* like a violation (in my mind/body).

Ultimately, personal counselling has helped me to examine and explore my viceral emotional responses and determine situation appropriate responses instead.

SLEEP.

Pat

P.S. SLEEP!

[Rigama]

Guilty of yelling at ds when he was a baby too. Looking back I can see that I really had a lot of issues going on and i was just plain old exhausted and overwhelmed. I wasn't in a situation where I could join a mom's group or hang out with friends or anything, and my husband was working odd hours. sometmes he'd be home at 3 AM and then the next day he'd have to go in at noon. And sometimes he had to go in at 8 and he'd be home at 6. You get the idea. So even though I didn't have friends to call on or family to come over, I did call my dad and grandma a lot. Just talking on the phone with someone who knew and loved me and my son was helpful.

He was never a real pincher but he was a scratcher/hair puller. I discovered that if I offered him my hand or finger while he nursed it distracted his attention from other body parts. By about 9 months our automatic postion for nursing was to hold hands and that is really one of my fondest memories. When I held his hand (fingers interlocked and everything ) I found myself in a place of love, joy and peace. I could focus on the lines of his hand, the curve of his nails, the smallness of his fingers. By seeing his tiny hand intertwined in my larger hand it really drove home how delicate he was and how much he depended on ME to provide him with safety, love and everything else he needed to survive.

Good luck to you Mama...This phase will pass and you'll come out the other end of it with a better understanding of yourself and your little one

Rigama

[Qestia]

Originally Posted by rzberrymom

Dr. Sears says pinching while breastfeeding is common for that age group--she really isn't being inappropriate but is probably doing it for comfort or just the stimulation. I always told myself that she was just working on her fine motor skills, and I wondered whether bottlefed babies missed out on practicing those skills.

Actually I'm bottlefeeding for reasons discussed elsewhere and believe me, I'm getting pinched plenty by my 5.5 mo old. He has a real knack for pinching me right on the ta-tas when I pick him up, too. So yeah, I think his fine motor skills are coming along alright.

Oh--and he's a hairpuller too. I do as someone else said and offer him something else to grab, so we do hold hands a lot while he's eating. It's very sweet really. Or I let him squeeze my shirt now that my sleeves are long.

[oliversmum2000]

been there done taht

patience is not infinite.

i believe that all mothers have moments like these, but the difference between a wonderful mother and a not so wonderful mother is that the wonderful mother will reflect on what went wrong and vow to do better.

dont beat yourself up you have years ahead of you to do your best, plus fortunately children are VERY forgiving.

[Wugmama]

It is really hard, isn't it?

she's hurting me!!! She knows she is too cause when I pull her hand off and tell her no she'll stop

Please realize that she is WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY too young to realize she is hurting you - she isn't doing it intentionally!

It will help you handle it better if you can realize age appropriate behavior. That doesn't mean you have to allow it - gently stop her from hurting you!

I had the problem of my dd totally preferring one side. I even used to lay on the bed so that our feet were pointing in opposite directions and let her nurse on the side she did not prefer while it was upside down to her - if you can picture that. This sometimes worked - it seemed like she preferred laying on her one side - not so much didn't like MY side. Sometimes an ear ache can cause them not to want to lay on one side.

Best wishes,
Tracy

[Suzetta]

It sounds to me like your little one is teething.

My little one refuses to nurse off my left side...she has been like this since day one. The most I can get her to take is a few sucks, which seems to trigger let down in my right side. Imagine, 10 months later how lopsided my boobs look when I am ready to nurse. But seriously, it isn't that big of a deal, your supply will adjust itself to the favored side. I do think, however that it will pass.

[Fuamami]

Originally Posted by OtherMother'n'Madre

How do you "discipline" someone so young? I don't feel I should since she is so young but she's hurting me!!! She knows she is too cause when I pull her hand off and tell her no she'll stop (given she's not upset about something).

I have to agree w/pps on this one, she doesn't really know, she's probably just distracted/startled enough to stop. And even when she gets to the point that she does "know" that you don't want her to do something (about 7-8 mos from now), it'll still be at least 6 MORE months before she has the self-control to stop herself. At least for most kids.

I pin my ds's bottom arm between him and me, and then either hold his top hand, or let him pull on my shirt. If I don't have a shirt pulled up, I put a blanket or burp rag there for him to play with. That seems to help.

I know it's frustrating when they're fussy. Sorry for that.

[WuWei]

What about nursing beads or a nursing necklace? Does anyone have experience with these? I have heard that they are something for the baby to play with while nursing.

Pat

[WuWei]

What about nursing beads or a nursing necklace? Does anyone have experience with these? I have heard that they are something for the baby to play with while nursing.

Pat

[WuWei]

What about nursing beads or a nursing necklace? Does anyone have experience with these? I have heard that they are something for the baby to play with while nursing.

Pat

[WuWei]

Sorry about the triplicate posts, the computer locked up. Or so I thought.

Pat

[Emmom]

My DS pinched and prodded and poked at this age - and the nursing necklace was a godsend. I recommend getting/making one. He actually laughed out loud the first time I wore it -- he must have been getting bored with just skin to play with.