Long vent/request for advice ahead.
The last 2 nights have been really rough. DH and I had a wonderful evening on Wednesday night after dd went down for the night. Then dd woke up CRYING and pretty much inconsolable about 3-4 times during the night. We cosleep and it's not unusual for her to wake and nurse a couple of times, but usually she wakes up relatively quietly and goes right back to sleep, sometimes without even needing to nurse. Wednesday was different. She is teething (her top front teeth are about to break through) and we assumed that was her problem.
Usually after a bad night, dd will nap pretty well the next day. Not so on Thursday. DH said dd took 2 naps for 30 minutes maximum, when at least one of those naps is usually over an hour. When I walked in the door last night, DH starts venting to me in what I considered a very inappropriate way. He says, essentially, that Hannah was horrible today and was a pain in the a$$ (actually used that term) and she was right there playing! I got so upset and told him not to talk about her like that. He responded by telling me not to tell him what to do. I was so mad I told him maybe he should go back to work bc dd might be better off in daycare than with him if that was his attitude. We were basically short with each other all night. DD went to bed at her normal time (btwn 7:30 and 8:00) with little trouble, but then woke up crying again 3-4 times, again inconsolable even after nursing a couple of times. We even gave her a dose of baby Motrin and during one of her fits rubbed a little baby orajel on her gums (something we've never used before), which calmed her for about 30 minutes before she woke up again. I am usually the one who handles dd's night wakings bc she usually just wants to nurse, but even that wasn't doing the trick Wed or Thurs night. I finally asked DH (probably not so nicely) at about 12:30 am to get involved bc nothing I was doing was working. He got all annoyed and picks up dd and takes her to the living room to see if sleeping on the couch would help. Apparently it did bc they returned to bed at some point and dd woke up crying again at about 1:30 or 2:00 (and again at about 3:00 and again at 4:30 and again at 6:15).
This morning DH and I were irritable with each other and I left for work on a terse note, hugging and kissing dd goodbye and telling her I love her and I'll miss her like usual, but just telling DH goodbye (not I love you like usual).
So, first, what can I do to help dd sleep better. She doesn't have a fever (I didn't take her temp, but she isn't warm) and doesn't appear sick in any way (no stuffy nose, etc.) and her diaper wasn't dirty or anything. Second, what can I do about this incident with DH. I'm still very upset about what he said about dd, especially right in front of her. It is like he doesn't understand that she's just a baby and that all babies have bad days and nights. He takes it so personally. But if I tell him that is how I feel, he gets even more upset.
I know he is great with her during the day and would never be mean to her and was probably just venting, but I don't want him to talk like that about her, ever.