"Babyish" behavior

[OakBerry]

My ds is asking about his crib and changing table. We recently moved them in the cellar and he got a twin bed in his room, which he is sleeping really well in. I got some truck/car bedding and he loves it.
He also is using the potty to pee but mostly peeing and always pooping in his diaper still. I mention the potty and encourage him to sit on it but I let it go if he refuses. When he pees his pants I calmly get fresh clothes and tell him it's ok. Anyway, he is asking about his crib, he wants his pacifier and blankie all the time lately, and is acting out.
I know it's probably a reaction to all the changes, the new room, the potty..
What can I do to help him through this?

[johub]

I would tell him that there is no room in his room for the crib but you would be happy to cuddle him with the pacifier and blankie.
I think that some toddlers really want to know that they can be a baby if they want to. Once they realize that they can they have the freedom and confidence to move forward.
I wouldnt be concerned that these are regressions or permanent changes. More that he is trying them on for size and will move on.
If you have struggled to wean him off of the binky that might be difficult to let him have it, and you might try to find some alternative. Or you could hold him and cuddle him with the blankie and binky but if he wants to get up and play the binky stays with you.
My kids were never really addicted to them so I just keep a bunch of them in the toybox and it is not unusual to see either of my 2 year olds or my 3 year old suddenly want to cuddle with the binky or nap with it. But then it just gets put back with the toys for weeks.

[HappyHSer]

I think that some toddlers really want to know that they can be a baby if they want to. Once they realize that they can they have the freedom and confidence to move forward.

This has been my experience, too.

I agree with Johub's specific feedback.

[Fuamami]

How long do you think it takes? I'm having the same experience w/my dd, except she's like a paci addict. She has four of them, I don't even know where they all came from, and she hauls them around everywhere, sometimes sucking on 2 at a time. It's crazy! We've tried not to say anything negative, but we do ask her to take them out when we're talking because I can't ever understand her. I sure wish we could get rid of them, she has a huge rash on her chin that won't go away because of them.

I'm guessing it's related to her baby brother, but he's 6 months old now, so I thought she'd be more adjusted.

[OakBerry]

I am definately trying to give him more cuddles and affection. With the binky, he has always loved it. Since about age 2 or so, I've limited it to naptime or in the car. Not something we struggled over, I just kept it in his crib or diaper bag. When he was tired he'd ask for it. Now he seems to want it 24/7. I've been letting him have it when he wants but I'm wondering if that's just going to lead to him having it ALL the time now. His teeth are already sticking way out.

[johub]

Was your daughter a paci user before your ds was born?
Because I think it is different for a child who usually doesnt use a pacifier, or who already gave it up fully to want to act babylike and use one in isolated moments . And a child who is or was attached to pacifiers to revert to the old habit. (which then continues regardless of whether or not the child still has new sibling issues)

[Fuamami]

Yep, dd wants them all the time, too. I try to talk her out of bringing them in the car because she'll drop one and want me to reach back and get it. And I told her they don't allow them at preschool, which I'm almost 100% positive is true. But she'd have them 24/7 otherwise. She does the days we don't go anywhere.

She had one when she was a babe, too, and she gave it up willingly at about 20 months, when it broke. She actually threw it in the garbage and didn't ask for it again.

I've heard they don't effect their teeth until they're 5, but I doubt I could remember WHERE I heard it. She's just so oral, before she commandeered these from her brother, she chewed on the collar or neck of her shirt all day. Which was gross, too.

[johub]

Originally Posted by OakBerry

I am definately trying to give him more cuddles and affection. With the binky, he has always loved it. Since about age 2 or so, I've limited it to naptime or in the car. Not something we struggled over, I just kept it in his crib or diaper bag. When he was tired he'd ask for it. Now he seems to want it 24/7. I've been letting him have it when he wants but I'm wondering if that's just going to lead to him having it ALL the time now. His teeth are already sticking way out.

I think it might lead to him having it all the time. And you have to decide if it is important to you for him not to get back into the habit.
Studies show that permanent changes to mouth structure dont really happen unless the child continues to use a paci after getting permanent teeth, but they usually recommend stopping by age 4 "just in case" His baby teeth protruding does not indicate there will be any alignment problems with his adult teeth. So you have to decide how important it is to you.
But I would think that if he is asking for his binky, he is likely asking to be babied. So maybe if uou limit the binky to naptime or the car and when having a special cuddle with mom, it might fill that need without getting him used to having it all day.

[OakBerry]

I think it might lead to him having it all the time. And you have to decide if it is important to you for him not to get back into the habit.

I was afraid of this, and I don't have a hard time establishing boundaries/rules usually, but I feel like I'm withholding comfort if I withhold the binky. I'm a little ashamed to say that sometimes his paci and blankie comfort him more than me holding him does.
Another part of this is my fault. I feel guilty because he stopped nursing at 10 months because of bottle/paci preference. I feel like I shouldn't have introduced either one of them in the first place so it's my fault he liked them better than my breast/body for comfort. That's why I feel guilty not giving him the paci. I think if he was still nursing and he wanted it for comfort, I'd be letting him.

Boy this forum is better than a visit to the shrink, sorry for rambling there, but I feel a little better..

[johub]

How about holding him WHILE he has his paci and blanky and weaning him from his binky back to your arms?
And mama, let go of the guilt! It is NOT a good tool for clear decision making and parenting!

[3ncountin]

Maybe in addition to extra love and cuddles you could not pursue the potty issue for awhile . I know the whole potty thing put an enormous amount of pressure on my son and he still wasnt completely potty trained until he was 4yrs. I think there was just too much pressure to preform and he wasnt ready yet . With my dd i waited until she wanted to try the potty and we had alot less issues with her wanting to revert back to babyhood .I guess i figure if you give them gentle encouragement to grow up but still allow them to progress at their own pace (ds slept in crib until he was 4 wasnt potty trained early nursed late) you will realise that he wont be wearing diapers forever nor will he sucking that binky in highshool and you are a good parent even if societies norm tries to make you feel as if you are not. Hang in there ! Just remembering what a great mom you are helps

[HappyHSer]

How about holding him WHILE he has his paci and blanky and weaning him from his binky back to your arms?
And mama, let go of the guilt! It is NOT a good tool for clear decision making and parenting!

This is what I would do. In as much as bottles and pacis are breast substitutes, I'd only use them in situations where I could nurse. I wouldn't allow them to walk around with them, but I would use them in arms.

That would allow him to be little *and* have more organic limits with them.

[OakBerry]

3countin - I guess I thought I was being gentle with him about the potty. I never force it and I usually will ask him once if he wants to use it, if he says no, I drop it. Maybe just the thought/suggestion of the potty puts enough pressure on him, he is definatley sensitive.

I like the idea of holding him more. He is going to be as tall as me soon (really I am a shortie and he has daddy's height) so I will have to settle for sitting next to him and putting my arms around him. That's what he likes anyway.
I am trying to get rid of the guilt, I know it's not productive. I think reading alot of the forums here sometimes makes me wish I'd done some things differently. It's easier to not think about it surrounded by mainstream mothers who don't bf at all or very little.

[Fuamami]

Originally Posted by OakBerry

I was afraid of this, and I don't have a hard time establishing boundaries/rules usually, but I feel like I'm withholding comfort if I withhold the binky. I'm a little ashamed to say that sometimes his paci and blankie comfort him more than me holding him does.
Another part of this is my fault. I feel guilty because he stopped nursing at 10 months because of bottle/paci preference. I feel like I shouldn't have introduced either one of them in the first place so it's my fault he liked them better than my breast/body for comfort. That's why I feel guilty not giving him the paci. I think if he was still nursing and he wanted it for comfort, I'd be letting him.

I'm right here with you again, OakBerry! I forced the paci on dd because I went back to work when she was 6 weeks old and took her with me, and I had to put her off and get her to stop crying so much, and was always using it.

And it clearly makes her feel so good. Sometimes she brings them in the car on the way to preschool, and when she gets in and they're there, she does this little visceral chuckle of pleasure when she sees them. Aaargh!