Circumcision Decision!??

[Stayathomemommy]

I have three girls and just found out #4 is a boy!! YEAH!!! BUT.....in the past i have been so grateful for girls because i didnt have to deal with the circumcision issue. Now we do and i have no time to waste. i have tried for years to educate my hubby on why i would never want to circumsize my son but since we werent having a boy he just thought it was silly to argue about. He lets me make most of the health decisions reguarding vaxing and well everything else so i think he will end up letting me do what i want or in this case dont want to be done. but i really want him to understand and be supportive.

any new info or great articles you gals have run into?? what are you all planning to do if its a boy??

[milk4two]

There was an article a few years back in a men's magazine, Men's Health maybe? It was very good and informative, and written for men. After me talking about it for months, it helped clinch the decision with my dh.

[mamatoady]

sounds like you have a great 50-50 relationship with your dh. I told my dh before our dd was born and we didn't know what she was "there is no way in hell anyone is going to mutilate our newborn sons penis. there is zero good evidence that is is a health benefit and there is no reason he should have to look like you down there.....end of story."

but i guess if we had a 50-50 relationship, you might try and find video of a baby being circumcised, they either scream bloody murder or are so traumatized that they go to sleep. maybe if you don't want it done, you can have the view of, "well, there isn't medical evidence to do it, so lets allow him to decide when he is of age whether or not he wants it done...if he does then we will pay for the procedure."

i'm kind of hard core about this type of thing, but i really believe it is up to mothers to take a stand for our children, even if it goes against what our husbands wants. there will be many times when you will give in to what he wants regarding the children...i think this one is worth fighting for.

peace,
sarah

[Faithsmom]

I was very surprised that when discussing Circ w/ my DH it didn't seem like a big deal to him to not circ. My dh is cric'ed and his dads side of the family is jewish so I was expecting some resistance from him. We are probably going to run into some heat about the issue if it comes up, but its our baby and we are not circ'ing. Plain and simple. BTW, we don't know the sex of this baby and are not finding out.

[AtThePark]

Mothering mag's second to last issue - the pregnancy one - has a whole article on circumsicion - my DH didn't take a lot of convinceing - I showed him one of those horror videos and he was shocked out of his shoes.

I think circumsicion is a human rights issues and need to be discussed as such rather than a parent's choice issue. It violates medical ethics codes of informed consent and many doctors who preform RIC think the risks far outweigh the benefits (since there are none).

Say later in life your son knows some circ'd boys and some uncirc'd boys and comes to you and DH and asks why you had him circ'd or why you left him intact. Discuss how you would reply with your DH. It's hard to answer that it prevented diseases becasue that's not true and this is the age of the internet. It's different to explain that it is part of God's commandments if you are Jewish. Imagine saying it was for aestheitic reasons? Imagine the message that gives to your son about how he born (looking funny) or that you didn't want him teased (implying intact boys should be teased). Now imagine your replies to why you left him intact.

It's his penis and you didn't want to make an irreversable choice about it for him.

Circumsision causes pain and suffering.

He was born perfect.

You trust nature and his body to work as it should.

You loved him so much you couldn't bare to part with any of him.

His foreskin is an important, functioning part of his body.

He'll enjoy sex more this way.

You spent a lot of time researching the issue and could find no compelling reason to do so - only lots of reasons why not to.

You didn't circumsize his three sisters, why change your tune now. (cultures that circumsize daughters give the same reasons for such practises as our culture does for the circumision of boys - there is a great comparison chart on-line somewhere - the debate board folks will give it to you in a heartbeat.)

You really wanted to get him a little onsie that says "Intactivist" on it!

[mamatoady]

is there a place online that i can get that onsie? or do i have to make it myself, i love it!

sarah

[alegna]

Not in your group, but thought I'd pop in and suggest you head over to the case against circumcision forum for lots of great support and ideas.

-Angela

[ZenMamaJen]

I'm kind of in the same boat as you are...dh still thinks it's just a "snip" Ugh. I know I will prevail, but like you, I'd like him to be on board with me.

I told him he would have to go with our son, hold his little hand while they strapped him to the board, and watch the whole thing happen. I think that may be changing his mind.

Like I said, I will prevail. But becasue we had dd first, I never had to get my argument organized. So that's what I'll be working on now.

[PheobNFam]

Luckily I made my mind up on this one even before we found out it's a boy. It's just plain not necessary IMO. It's becoming more and more of the norm not to circumcise. I hope eventually it just becomes a no brainer for all.

[2+twins]

We've only had girls so far too, but if this one is a boy we will absolutely NOT circ him. Dh wasn't on board back during my first pregnancy, and I was relieved that I didn't end up having to fight with him about the issue (I would have won, btw). Now that he's seen Penn & Tell's Bullshit show on circ, he's completely changed his tune (despite the fact that I had told him all the same info he got from the show). I do believe they show a baby having it done and show how he goes into shock afterwards (looks just like sleep but they explain that his system simply can't take it and has shut down - I didn't watch it). That might be a good thing to have him watch, since it will probably be relatively entertaining to him as well (since they're comedians, not the topic). It can be bought on eBay (search for "penn teller emmy" and you'll find it) or perhaps someone on the Circ board could make you a copy.

[eightyferrettoes]

Don't do it, mama. Head to Case against Circ. They'll get you EVERYTHING!

[tiffer23]

I just made him go over the information with me. We were both VERY VERY pro-circ and actually thought people who weren't were wierd for a long time. Luckily, some wonderful women on another board posted many things about it and I decided it was actually worth researching. (We both come from families that are almost all circumcised) Once I looked into I knew I could never ever do that to my boys, but DH was soooooo mad about my decision. Luckily, I researched this 2 years or more before we even became pregnant and kept bringing it up. Now that we're actually pregnant, he's been a bit more open minded and knows that the best decision is not to circumcise. The latest things I've made him go over are these two things. Some pictures and a video. Really hit a cord with him.

(These made me cry, just fair warning)
http://www.circumcisionquotes.com/video.html
http://www.circumcisionquotes.com/complications.html

[AngelaB]

My first son was circed because I didnt know any better and my youngest ds is not cut. Its just as easy to take care of. I regret having my older son cut and so does dh.Now we are both advocated for the intact penis and I think my brother is definately convinced now so when he has kids in the next year they wont cut either.
Good luck!

[jenny-g]

I also am very anti-circ. I think convincing the husband can be a tricky thing to do. I always wondered why, but then I think I figured it out. Saying it's "wrong" in a heated and emotional way, especially, makes HIM feel like there is something wrong with HIM. With His Most Sensitive Part. So it's important to sort of phrase the discussion in a way that doesn't make him feel bad, and that's not the easiest thing to do.

I think I have that penn and teller show on my computer somewhere- I'll try to find it- and if anyone needs a copy to help convince their husbands, I"ll see if I can make it available somehow.

I think one other convincing thing to say is that you can *always* have it done later. You can't un-do it. That may buy you some time with a particularly stubborn husband. It's also much safer to do it later, in terms of mishaps or taking off too much, etc- so that's also an argument.

Finally, btw, there are reliable studies that DO say it reduces transmission of some diseases- particularly AIDS. To that, I say, well, why don't we just cut the whole thing off and just solve that problem altogether?! It doesn't eliminate the studies to say they don't exist- however, if you have the arguments about why that doesn't matter as much in these cases (i.e. a society that understands and accepts how to prevent hiv transmission), and all the negatives (which I know other people posted very nicely, and there are just *so many*), it helps it become a clear choice.

I think I convinced my husband, but his dad the peditrician that actually performes the procedure- I'm not looking foward to talking to him about it. Yikes. I hope he doesn't ask.

[FreeSpiritMama]

We're lucky being in the UK that it isn't a decision we really have to make - routine circ's just dont happen here Both my DH and DS are intact (and every other male in our families )and of course any futures DSs will be too.

[eilonwy]

Before I explain this, I'd like to clarify that I am absolutely, 100% against routine infant circumcision.

I'm Jewish; if this child is (as I believe) a boy, he'll have a Bris. BeanBean was born without a proper foreskin (as were both of my brothers, I think it's just a weird, x-chromosome thing) so he didn't have a Bris Milah but another, similar ritual called a Ha'tferet dam Bris; that's probably what will happen with this one, too. BeanBean looked exactly the same after his Bris as he did before (again, he didn't have a proper foreskin to begin with) so I couldn't see anything to get hysterical about; it's not like his body was really changed all that much.

In the event that I have to go to the hospital, I will just state again and again and again that I don't want my son circumcised there. I had to answer this question about a zillion times, because BeanBean was in the NICU and it seemed like every shift the new nurse would ask me again. If I get my UC, it won't be an issue at all.

[aprilushka]

I think in cases where religion is not a factor, aside from the horror side of it, there is also the fact that it's just not medically necessary and it's just not being done here anymore as much-- so it's not like a little boy born now will be "wierd" for not being circumcised, probably at least half of his contemporaries won't be either. Also the fact they don't do it in Europe or in most other societies where religion doesn't dictate it. So all social fears can be relieved from the outset, then you can talk about the medical factors (doesn't help prevent STDs, etc) then the things that can go wrong with it (and the principle of if ain't broke, don't fix it). I think if you start out with the fact it is by no means what "everyone does" nowdays, the rest of it flows along more easily.

Fortunately for me DH is a non-Jewish Russian and wouldn't dream of circumcising, but I've thought about the arguments some.

[hannahi]

We're having an u/s where we'll find out the gender of the baby (our first) in a couple weeks, so we'll know whether or not we have to deal with the circumcision issue. My DH is a non-practicing Muslim from a country where boys are generally circumcized in early childhood. He had it done at age 5, and it was not at all pleasant. I guess that the only advantage of having the circumcision done in infancy is that the child will not be likely to have traumatic memories of the event. Don't get me wrong, I am not pro-circ (unless there is a compelling reason like religious beliefs).
I don't know if this is the appropriate place to ask, but I'm wondering if we do have a boy and choose to have him circumcized, is the procedure less risky after a certain age?
Also, I'm wondering if anyone has statistics on the percentage of boys born in the U.S. that are circumsized as infants. I want to show DH that there is a movement against routine circumcision.

Hannah

[2+twins]

Originally Posted by hannahi

Also, I'm wondering if anyone has statistics on the percentage of boys born in the U.S. that are circumsized as infants. I want to show DH that there is a movement against routine circumcision.

I found this doing a quickle google on 'statistics circumcision united states':

http://www.cirp.org/library/statistics/USA/

[celestialdreamer]

I agree with the pp's recommendation to visit the Case against Circumicision forum here. After reading the info there, there is NO way that we'd do that to our son. Please, please read the great info they have there if you aren't 100% on board with not circumcising yet. It really wasn't that huge of a deal to me until I read about it further...now I am VERY anti-circ.