As other moms have mentioned, the birth of my DS didn't quite go as I planned. He was too big and had a blood infection resulting in a c-section and antibiotics via IV for a projected 10 days. I was feeling pretty darn broken. I couldn't birth my baby, and I even poisoned him. What a start. When I finally got to take him home, it was still a bit rough, especially the nursing. (Now that I think about it, I think we might have had thrush due to the antibiotics we both got.) Waking in the middle of the night to nurse this li'l guy when he was so hungry he was *chewing* on my breast was hell on earth. Everything hurt, and I was so angry at the baby. It took so much constraint not to shake him, and being angry at a poor helpless infant made me feel a million times worse. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't help it. So I called the doctor and got a month's supply of Zoloft. I felt even more broken now since I couldn't even take care of my baby without medication. I can be extremely prideful, and this hurt; but the medication did help (and so did visiting a lactation consultant). My mom who raised me (step mom technically), who I've never had a very strong relationship with, said something that made me feel so much better. She told me that problems come, and they're not always your fault; but if you don't do something about it, then it *is* your fault. It made me feel less broken about needing help.
I hope that makes sense, and makes it easier for any other oldest-child super-womem to reach out if they need it. =)
~Melissa
I hope that makes sense, and makes it easier for any other oldest-child super-womem to reach out if they need it. =)
~Melissa
