am i being stupid to be upset by this?

[MamaFern]

so ive been out with my mom tonight.. i love her.. but she often says things that really bother me... she said to me " well, i think this baby will be born in the hospital. ive just had that FEELING your whole pregnancy" and she knows how scared and sick hospitals make me feel and how much i dislike the idea of that happening. i know that its a good thing to have as backup if something goes wrong but it just made me feel like she thinks because im a few days past my EDD that i cant do it or something. it made me so mad and sick to my stomach to think that this woman who knows me SO well and who was there when elwynn was born AT HOME! thinks i cant have my baby at home naturally.. i felt like crying and screaming at her at the same time.. but didnt want to fight so i didnt say anything excpet "thats unlikely" i feel like im losing myself and like because this baby hasnt come when we all expected it to that i cant do it and it sucks so bad. i feel like a failure already and i know i shouldnt feel this way..i just wish she would have kept her mouth closed. maybe she is just mad at me because i told her i dont want here there.. maybe she thinks if i have baby in the hospital that i cant keep her away.. i dunno.. but ARHHG!

[flyingspaghettimama]

Hmm. A certain someone in my family is sort of pressuring me along the same lines, saying "well at 42 weeks they'll DEFINITELY induce you in the hospital right?" Sometimes they say things that they are more comfortable with or wish would happen, you know? And I'm sure that the underlying reason is that they want us to be "safe," whatever that means. And for them, it may mean something different than for us (i.e. for me, I feel safer at home, but that's also because I'm a germophobe freaked by hospitals).

The only thing that I've found that works is to be relentlessly positive - i.e. I say, "NOPE, the baby seems fine and my MW is fine with waiting, isn't that great?! I hear you're concerned, but I feel really wonderful about where I am."

Yeah, they'll listen about as well as you can expect, but that's OK. Or, you can just mighty fereaking wig on them, and then let me know how that works out. Cos I might try it myself if I get one more phone call with an anxious, panicky tone of voice on the other end. It's a little challenging to always be so Pollyanna Pregnancy.

[thismama]

Uh, that "feeling" was indoctrination in the medicalized birth culture. :

My daughter was 13 days "late." They were freaking out about it for me too.

You have not failed by keeping the babe in there a little bit past the number on the paper. She and your body know when she should come.

Babe crying, gtg... all the best to you Fern!

[mamachandi]

my last 2 preg. went 2 weeks over due and when the babes were born (at home) my mw said they did not look like they went over (by the amt of vernix and pLACENTA,weight etc) sO THERE MIGHT BE A MISTAKE IN THE DATE OR SOME BABIES GO LONGER AND THAT IS OK TOO.
i AM BFING-SORRY FOR THE TYPOS
ANYWAY,i TRIED NOT TO TALK TO NEGATIVE PEOPLE DURING THE TIME i WENT "OVERDUE" AND HAD MY DH ANSWER THE PHONE OR SCREENED MY CALLS. IF i DID TALK TO SOMEONE i ALWAYS SAID 'OH i GOTTA GO' AND MADE UP A REASON. aLWAYS STAY POSITIVE AND DON'T EXPRESS CONCERN W/ANYONE THAT COULD POTENTAILLY USE IT AGAINST YOU. i LEARNED THE HARD WAY WHEN MY SISTER CALLED AND i WAS 1 1/2 WEEKS OVER DUE AND SHE SAID MY PLACENTA WOULD FALL OUT IF I DIDN'T GO TO THE HOSPITAL RIGHT AWAY AND GET INDUCED! : I MEAN IF I WASN'T "UP" ON EVERYTHING REGARDING LABOR AND BIRTH AND MY PERFECT BIRTHING BODY I WOULD HAVE MAYBE LET HER GET THE BEST OF ME BUT THAT IS NOT TRUE AND A REDICULOUSLY INSENSITIVE AND STUPID COMMENT TO MAKE! I HAD A CNM WITH BOTH AND THEY WERE NOT CONCERNED. DON'T LET FEAR GET THE BETTER OF YOU. YOU ARE PERFECT AND YOUR BODY KNOWS WHAT TO DO.

[majazama]

Oh fern You really don't need that kind of stange vibe, now do you? Luckily you haven't invited your mom to the actual birth, hey? I'm sure that once that baby wants to come out, it will be a very fast, painless delivery!!! Never let the thought in that you could end up in the hospital. Your mom doesn't know what she's talking about, seriously.

Sending love on this Wednesday full moon night

[flapjack]

If you haven't already, read Birth as an American Rite of Passage: it's one of those books that's better read whilst pregnant to justify crying so bloody hard. Some people lack the ability to empathise and to avoid saying things that break other people's hearts: is this your mum? If so, you know she probably didn't mean it quite the way it came out.
I know it's so hard, having one early and going late with another: I'm having issues with my dates again, but hey, these things happen Ngaio will be here, and soon, she's just adding those little finishing perfections: weaving in her ends, so to speak.

Not long now, mama.

[Spark]

Sorry, I'm lurking from November, but felt really compelled to post. I hope you don't mind.

Can I just say, Fern, you are doing SO well listening to your heart right now and letting it lead you. You must have known on some level that your mother was having doubts about homebirth this time around. You picked up on it and decided you didn't want her energy at the birth.

I would be VERY upset if my mother said this to me. Especially within days of me having a homebirth. If there's any other bits of "doom and gloom" she wants to share with you about your pregnancy and your baby, I'd suggest she find a friend to pass on her nay saying to, instead of YOU. That was just insensitive on her part. It's like telling her on her way into a surgery, "I just have a feeling you'll have a lot of complications with this and have to be air-lifted to a major hospital. It's just a feeling I have." You just DON'T do that!

Can you tell her how upset and hurt you feel by her expressing complications in your homebirth and not getting the birth you want for your baby? Especially when she said it when your baby will come at any day. It's just inappropriate. Give her the surgery example if you will. Maybe she doesn't get it!

to you! Your heart has led you so beautifully thus far, it will continue to lead you. Your baby will be in your arms soon.

[*Amy*]

Originally Posted by Spark

It's like telling her on her way into a surgery, "I just have a feeling you'll have a lot of complications with this and have to be air-lifted to a major hospital. It's just a feeling I have." You just DON'T do that!

Totally, Spark. That is a great analogy.

Tell your mom that all of us here at MDC know you are going to have the homebirth you've been visualizing; she's going to feel pretty stupid when we're all right and she's shoved her foot so far in her mouth!!

Seriously mama, just keep listening to your heart and Ngaio's soul. You've done everything perfectly and beautifully so far!!

[nataliekat]

[QUOTE=flapjack] she's just adding those little finishing perfections: weaving in her ends, so to speak. [QUOTE]

I love that. What a sweet thing to say.

Fern, that was a totally unnecessary comment on your mom's part. You have failed at nothing, BTW, and when labor finally kicks in, you'll dig in and do beautifully.

Here I sit at 41 weeks today, my mom has been here since Saturday to "help with the baby". I'm feeling really pressured to go into labor, but hey, I'm going to work really hard at letting go of all that. I need to focus on how gently and beautifully my babe will be birthed when she does decide she's ready.

Hugs to you and hang in there!

[3for3hb]

i agree with all the PP's. you can and will have the birth you desire, Fern!!

[crsta33]

I'm sorry she said that Fern...it is hurtful and you have every reason to be upset about it.

Everything will be okay...there are a whole lot of us who really do believe in you, your baby, and your birth plans.

Christa

[Chi-Chi Mama]

just wanted to chime in with everyone else

I logged on just to see how you're doing.. sorry your mom is being like that!!!
been lurking lately trying to keep with with everyone's progress but haven't had time to post... just have this feeling we'll be reading your birth story soon



My "due" date is a week from today, and for the past week or so everyone has been bugging me about when I"m going to have the baby. They can't even wait for me to pass it!! Not helpful!!

anyway, and to you and your precious baby - or babies I should say

[MamaFern]

thank you so much everyone. your words really helped me .

when my sister got home last night we talked about it and i cried and felt better.. i realise that my mom often says hurtful inapropriate things to people.. i dont know why..maybe its a control thing or maybe she just doesnt think before she speaks.. but its a big reason i dont want her at this birth. not that it makes it any easier to hear negative words when you are feeling so open and vulnerable ( like now) but i can seperate myself from it now and see that her words dont mean anything to me. they cant make bad things happen and i will have a beautiful birth at home.

[Chi-Chi Mama]

Originally Posted by MamaFern

i will have a beautiful birth at home.

that's the spirit