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Would you send your 1 yr old on vacation for a WEEK with your parents w/o you? - Page 6

Poll Results: Would you?

 
  • 2% (12)
    Yes
  • 96% (393)
    No
  • 0% (4)
    We already did it
409 Total Votes  
post #101 of 126
Quote:
Originally Posted by eckmannl
Not in this lifetime.
:

No way No how!!!!
Amy :
post #102 of 126
Hmmm...I find it interesting how many people say they couldn't let their older child (if I remember correctly I've seen ages ranging from 7-12) with Grandparents for a week.

I guess this is surprising to me...I went to camp for a week each summer starting when I was 10, and it was such a blast! I don't think I'll worry about how my kids will react when they are old enough to go...but only a couple of weeks ago my mom confessed to me that she cried every night while we were gone. So we didn't care, but she had a hard time!

Just some thoughts...perhaps it would be better off as a new thread in a different forum...At what age do you think your dc could handle a weeklong separation in a supportive environment?
post #103 of 126
I havent even left my daughter overnight and she is 19 months old, the most I will be away from her is 8-12 hours and thats at a stretch. She hasnt even been allowed to stay at her dads overnight, even if I went and put her to bed and he bring her to me in the morning (she is still bf morning, afternoon and before bed) My mums always complaining and telling me that I need to get used to it she needs to stay away from me overnight, I def couldnt fathom 7 days no matter who it was with.
post #104 of 126
No way!
post #105 of 126
My parents don't live close by so my kids don't know them that well. So my ds2 would not stay overnight with my mum. He definitely isn't up for a week. My ds1 - 5 years old - I imagine would love a night or 2 with my mum. A week, well, probably a bit much for him. I think it would be different if my mum lived close by (for my 5 year old spending a week with her). My dad has not got enough patience. I wouldn't send my kids overnight until they were preteens!

Somewhat related. My mum & her sister went to stay for a couple of weeks at her Irish grandparents house (in Ireland) when she was 2. She still remembers being terrified and thinking she'd been abandoned, and that was almost 60 years ago. She's not exactly a scaredy cat either. My mum recently returned from hiking Mt. Kilimanjaro & traveling the Serengeti and her idea of a holiday is to fly into the northern mountains of BC and hike out.

Edited for clarity
post #106 of 126
I would not send even my six yr old away for a week long visit to his grandparents and they are very close to my kids and live only 25 min away from us . The most i let them stay is overnight and i didnt even allow that until they were two years old and they were the ones who asked to visit overnight
post #107 of 126
I don't think it's the end of the world, but it's sure not for us!

We have left dd overnight with my mom & step-dad twice (once when we sold our house & once for our anniversary). But I wouldn't have done that either if she wasn't so comfortable with them & they weren't totally supportive of how we raise her. We lived with them from when she was about 9 months until a little over a year, so they were already a part of her everyday life. A week is *way* too long though.

The ONLY person I would leave her with for a week would be DH & that would have to involve some major emergency.

Holly
post #108 of 126
Nope. I would be comfortable leaving one that age with their grandparents for a week in an emergency, such as if I was in the hospital. But just for a vacation, no.
post #109 of 126
This question and the answers given imply a simple choice with no competing harms and that anyone who ever for any reason would leave a toddler with a grandparent for a week must be a terrible, disattached mother.

I have left my son with his father and my in-laws twice for two weeks-- once at 11 months and once at 2 years. I hated every minute of it, but there are no good choices for me when it comes to this.

I am the breadwinner. I can only take two weeks of vacation for the time being. My in laws are in Russia. My DH is Russian, moved to the States with me when we married and misses his country a lot. He was 30 when he left, and he really needs the trip home every year. There have been a couple years we didn't go because of extenuating circumstances (first time b/c of absolutely no money, second time because of my c/s) and it honestly puts a strain on our marriage when we can't go. He would like to go for six weeks, but I have put my foot down since I can only go for two weeks and limited it to a month. If I said no, we aren't going or no, only for two weeks, or no, I won't leave DS with his grandmother, instead I'll find a babysitter to take care of him during the two weeks you are there (I have mentioned this when pissed), it puts a big strain on our relationship. If I were to be unyielding about this every year I know we would get divorced, and I can't honestly think that a strained relationship with DH or divorce would be better for DS. So I've compromised. I make sure I go the first two weeks so that I am with DS while he is getting used to being in their house again and to the inlaws and cousins again and then the second two weeks aren't so bad for him without me (and DH is there for the most part, although he spends a lot less time with DS than he would here, where he is a SAHD).

The first time I pumped, already planning to go to a reduced time schedule at 1 year with DS, and he did fine latching on after we were reunited. The second time I decided since he was two and I was planning to get pregnant again it would be okay to let nursing go then, and I think it was okay, although if I had felt in my gut he wouldn't take it well I would have pumped this last time too.

DS has done okay and hasn't seemed to hold it against me. I can't say it has no effect on him, but after much thought I've decided it would do more damage to our family as a whole, and consequently DS, if I were to insist that either DH only goes for as long as I go or that DS must come back with me to a babysitter he quite frankly knows less well than MIL, who also spends time with him here on long visits. If I have a child I know can't handle it then I may insist for that child's sake, we will see. I have put my foot down that no child of ours less than a year (or very close to it) and nursing full time will be separated from me, and so this year we will go during my maternity leave so I will be there the whole time or, if due to health problems we can't go, DH will have to suck it up for this year.

So if you happen to hear that someone has left their child with grandparents, before jumping to conclusions, ask about the circumstances. Sometimes things are not what they seem. I have never left my children to go on vacation or send them on vacation and don't plan on it-- I hate the separations I have had but I don't feel there are any good alternatives in the context of our family. Maybe that makes me a bad mother for not constantly fighting DH every year on this, my DH a bad husband and father for insisting on his 4 weeks (after spending every other week out of the year here in my country staying at home with DS), I don't know. But it's the family I have and I have to try and do the best with the circumstances I've got.
post #110 of 126
April- you made compromises in a difficult situation. IMO, this is a far cry from "leaving the baby with grandparents so I can go on a vacation without him/her just because I want to get away from the baby for a week."
post #111 of 126
i am continually amazed by people's lack of understanding of child development ( not on this board) but from the other board. children under age 3 do not have the same concept of time as we do. even overnight separations from parents are disruptive to a child under 3 and are best avoided until the child is older. separations of 3 days or longer have been shown in research to produce a grief effect in the child. the child begins adjusting to life with the new caregiver, not understanding if and when the parent is returning. when the parent does return they usually respond by ignoring the parent at first, unsure if they are back for good or what. i have seen in mainstream magazines advice that it is not only ok, but wise for parents to take weekend getaways from their kids. the belief is that they will be fine and you need time for you. get away for a few hours, sure, but not overnights for young children.
post #112 of 126
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthla
April- you made compromises in a difficult situation. IMO, this is a far cry from "leaving the baby with grandparents so I can go on a vacation without him/her just because I want to get away from the baby for a week."
Exactly, and so are perhaps other people who do this, but from the surface it appears otherwise, and it is assumed these women just don't care enough about their kids.
post #113 of 126
No, I personally wouldn't do it. My DS just isn't ready for it yet.

Although I know that both my mother and my MIL would co-sleep with him I don't think they'd be too keen on having him try to latch on to their boobs in the middle of the night. Makes me wonder what DS would think about MIL's prosthetic breast, LOL.

Besides the whole nursing thing, DS is just very attached and it probably just wouldn't go over very well. Even if the opportunity were to present itself I doubt that neither my mom or my MIL would even *want* to take him overnight just yet- they're not gluttons for punishment and they wouldn't want to hear him cry nonstop. When he's a bit older I'm sure he'll love to go on overnight visits with them- I know I have very fond memories of spending the night with my granny as a young child.

Heck, even my DH (who is a very involved dad) isn't willing to be alone with him overnight. I've thought about going back to work and doing a night shift a couple days a week and DH is adament that he doesn't even want to try it until DS is fully weaned (which isn't going to be anytime soon).

That being said, I wouldn't automatically assume worst about other parents who do allow their child to spend longer periods of time away from them. As PPs have made clear we don't always know the whole story.
post #114 of 126
In a word... no.


A couple hours with the grandparents, ok.
A week - not a chance.
post #115 of 126
mom2alicia, that's ridiculous. I agree that my toddler has no sense of time, but the way that shakes out for him is that he thinks dh or I have only been gone a few minutes regardless of how long we've been gone. I've never had to leave him longer than 2 nights, but I can say with 100% absolute confidence that he did not think I had died or wasn't coming back. He probably thought I was in the bathroom.

I can see how other kids might react very differently, but as with most parenting decisions, only the parents can know what's best.
post #116 of 126
I couldn't send my 3yo, so I know I wouldn't be able to send my 1yo...
post #117 of 126
wow I am shocked to see how many parents said no. If my son was able to take a bottle of ebm or was weaned I cannot see the problem with it. My parents are great people and so are dh's. I cant fathom leaving my kids with anyone else really (except izzy teacher at school, Joann, she is awesome!)


Grandparents are a great extension of us, (well not all the time lol) and my kids adore their grandparents. They are a very important part of my childrens lives.
post #118 of 126
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smithie
Y'know, my parents live thousands of miles away too, but my ds has had a strong bond with them right from birth. I'm thinking that my mother and I sound and smell very similar? Leaving ds with them (for an evening) has never been even a slight issue, whereas he has sometimes been sad when I left him with a nonrelated caregiver or my ILs.

Anyhow, I voted "yes" since ds was on goat milk by 12 months (breast surgery, turned out I was cancer-free) and he slept through the night in his crib, but I think he was a pretty unusual baby and has an unusual bond with my folks. When I had to wean and he went on a cosleeping strike and moved to the crib, we discussed going on a vacation around 12 mos., but decided that WE wouldn't enjoy it, even though we enjoy the heck out of a night out and don't worry about ds at all if he's with my folks. If there had been some compelling reason to travel, though, we would have done it and he would have been just fine.

We are expecting #2 in June, and I assume that she will nurse much longer, so leaving her will be a moot point. I am seriously thinking about a vacation when SHE weans, though. My cousin has her folks come to her house and stay for a week when she vacations, and the kids LOVE it. No unsettling trip or new beds or unfamilar potties, just special time with the grandparents.

This is how my MIL and my second child are. I did not BF ds #1 he was FF from birth. I never even tried to BF. (Was lessed informed and assume FF was just as good @@ No better do better right?) He and my MIL since his birth were so close. And I think that is awesome! I would never take that away from them. He used to spend the night there after his 3rd month of life. DH and I woul spend some nights alone and him and DD would go over to grammy's never a tear was shed, just happy faces. To this day he goes over tehre every weekend. By his choice, he asks. They bake cookies, play old nintendo games (she has the orginal still lol) and just hang out together. And my MIL co-sleeps with him. She did my DH too

Now Isaiah has never spent the night anywhere. He will not take ebm and he nurses far too much. He has a hard time seperating from me, even if its for me to go out for an hour or two. I leave him with dh once a month for a moms night out with the mothers group I am in locally and he isnt happy about it most of the time. Now I do leave him everday from 8:30-2 and he normally doesnt mind it, HE LOVES his teacher. ADORES. I couldnt ask for a better provider.

My DD has always gone to her MIL's because she has cousins the same age as her, all girls and they all go to her house and have pizza parties and bake cookies and stuff.
post #119 of 126
I have to vote a quick NO. I was forced to leave dd with dh for 5 days when I had to go to training in July for my job. I am not one of those over protective moms, I just my mom toatlly an d commpletely but after seeing my dds reaction at 20 months I just cried cried, I would not do that agian til she is older.

Just me
post #120 of 126
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jster
Hmmm...I find it interesting how many people say they couldn't let their older child (if I remember correctly I've seen ages ranging from 7-12) with Grandparents for a week.

I guess this is surprising to me...I went to camp for a week each summer starting when I was 10, and it was such a blast! I don't think I'll worry about how my kids will react when they are old enough to go...but only a couple of weeks ago my mom confessed to me that she cried every night while we were gone. So we didn't care, but she had a hard time!

Just some thoughts...perhaps it would be better off as a new thread in a different forum...At what age do you think your dc could handle a weeklong separation in a supportive environment?



My dh went away for the first time and FLEW alone at age 10. She went to go see my mother in Florida. I was a wreck! I didn't want her to go, I was so affraid for her. DH and everyone else convinced me into letting her go and that she woudl be fine. She had a person assigned to her on her flight and my Mom picked her up from the airport. She flew home on September 10. 2001.. Talk about that oh so sick feeling! She went again 2 years ago to visit my mother. Kayla LOVES to fly. I on the other hand HATE IT lol. But I do not want my kids to be affriad of it and miss out on lots of things because of my fears.
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