A question about "normal" toddlers...

[mamakay]

Is it normal to feel like you can't hardly take your toddler out in public?
My ds just turned 2 last month, and about half he time if we go out to eat we end up asking for "to go" boxes before our food arrives. We bring crayons and toys and sometimes try just walking around the lobby till our food arrives, but it often isn't enough. (And we make sure to not bring him places when he's tired, already in a bad mood, etc.)

And today all I wanted to do was run in the thrift store to pick up a few more hoodies for him and maybe a few long sleeved T-shirts.
Ok. So he wanted to explore. That's cool. I can understand that. It was an unusually interesting thrift store, especially from a 2 year old's POV.

So we take some time to look around at all the cool stuff. He leads and I follow for the most part...we talk about the stuff in the glass cases...but before 10 minutes had passed he'd had about 3 "near melt downs" and one full-on-rolling-on-the-floor-freak-out.

If this is just what life with a 2 year old is like, then I can accept that and deal with it till he's older. But it seems like he acts worse than other toddlers his age.

And I'm having trouble shaking this fear that I'm messing him up with GD.
(I live in the deep south where no one opts not to spank and punish in a variety of ways. I know that there are whole countries in Europe where spanking is illegal, but GD feels like a risky experiment sometimes from my POV, if that makes sense.)

Is it normal to feel like trying to take your 2 yo out to anywhere but the grocery store, the park, or somewhere totally kid friendly is an excercise in futility?

[Hazelnut]

Well it's normal in my house, especially now with a baby as well. I feel like a baby saying this, but I often run as many errands as I can without my kids, when I can. I'm not the adventurous sort, though, so I usually play it safe. And I just don't enjoy myself if we go places that aren't meant for kids, because I'm constantly making sure that he's entertained, that we're being respectful of others there, that he won't run away into traffic, and on and on. I used to think that this was just MY child that was so difficult to take places sometimes. I'm realizing now that I see/hear about some kids who are even more spirited. So I think it's normal for most children this age.

I worry sometimes that I avoid places too much. Not that we NEVER go to restaurants or book stores, or grown up places, but in day to day life we usually stick to the library, parks, playgroups, the pool, gymboree, children's museums, chuck e. cheese, grandmas... you get the idea. My mom is more daring with him, but then he tests with her a lot less. We'll hit more places on the weekend with daddy in tow. I have a few friends who take their kids downtown- and I live in a major metropolis- to major art museums and down the main shopping drag with the traffic and taxis and giant buses. I'd just be too worried about safety, not to mention meltdowns. I figure he's only two, we'll have time for more when he's older. Sometimes it makes me feel crappy, though, like I can't just be all free-wheeling the way they are, and hit the major art museums to show him mummies and meet someone at a restaurant afterwards and then hit Mark Shale and then the ice cream shop, like my friends do. Maybe they're more laid back, or maybe their kids or easy, or they're just crazy, or all three.

I'm like you, though. I think for most kids it is normal. I like to think that I'm just keeping his temperment and age in mind.

[cee3]

My son is 27.5 months and anywhere we have to wait for food is a pretty risky experiment. I remember the day a few months ago that we ate lunch at a little outdoor cafe and, as we left, I remarked to my husband that our non-kid-friendly restaurant days were over for awhile. Even bringing stuff for my DS to play with and getting something for him to snack on right away doesn't really help.

In shops, he's pretty good - usually. We still have our moments, but over the months, I've learned how to distract him before he needs distracting.

That said, my DS is a pretty unchallenging kid. His personality is pretty mellow and laid-back, and he's shy and quiet, too. I can't imagine a kid his age being easier to take places, but we definitely have to pick and choose our venues. We have a restaurant near us that has pretty good food, allows you to bring your own wine, and has a huge play area right next to the tables. It's been our regular hangout for months.

[johub]

What is important is that it is normal for YOUR toddler.
And this is his temperament. This is not a result of GD.
I have "easy" babies. They can go anywhere. But it isnt because I beat them into submission. They just are. I have always usd GD with them. And I often go shopping with all three of them or eat in restaurants.
I am not saying this to "brag" I know that is not helpful. But if GD created monsters, I would have three of them myself! SO that is my point.
Joline

[Fuamami]

I think it's normal, too. I used to stick to places where I could contain her in a cart. And then for awhile we lived 1 hour away from my dh's work, so I never was along, so I went everywhere with her. This was hard, and we had lots of strategies to avoid meltdowns, but it didn't always work.

As far as restaurants go, we rarely go and we have to time it just right. It's SO stressful for me that it isn't really worth it. Especially now with two.

Just as an aside, my mom was NOT a GDer. She spanked, hit, whatever. And every Sunday, for years, she took me out to the parking lot and spanked me because I couldn't sit through church. It's not like that was working real well for her, you know what I mean?

[Bleu]

My son went through a stretch like that, but it didn't last very long. I think you are doing a lot of really good things -- including knowing what's just beyond his ability to cope with. We always brought Bleuet to everything and he went through a stretch where we simply couldn't. Things have eased some, but I still would not consider, say, going to the mall and trying on dresses for two hours, expecitng him to sit passively in the stroller (HA!) or not scamper off (HA!) while I'm undressed int he fitting room.

[IncaMama]

yup my ds is like that some days...sometimes he has a reeeally bad stretch and i just become a hermit for a while. being 2 has got to be rough...you're so physically capable of doing most things, but not emotionally mature enough to understand why most things you wanna do aren't a good idea. you can't delay gratification, everything seems like a great idea and mommies who don't think everything is a good idea seem evil. LOL

it's gotta be rough.

they'll get through it, you'll get through it.

[orangebird]

Originally Posted by mamakay

Is it normal to feel like you can't hardly take your toddler out in public?
My ds just turned 2 last month, and about half he time if we go out to eat we end up asking for "to go" boxes before our food arrives. We bring crayons and toys and sometimes try just walking around the lobby till our food arrives, but it often isn't enough. (And we make sure to not bring him places when he's tired, already in a bad mood, etc.)

And today all I wanted to do was run in the thrift store to pick up a few more hoodies for him and maybe a few long sleeved T-shirts.
Ok. So he wanted to explore. That's cool. I can understand that. It was an unusually interesting thrift store, especially from a 2 year old's POV.

So we take some time to look around at all the cool stuff. He leads and I follow for the most part...we talk about the stuff in the glass cases...but before 10 minutes had passed he'd had about 3 "near melt downs" and one full-on-rolling-on-the-floor-freak-out.

If this is just what life with a 2 year old is like, then I can accept that and deal with it till he's older. But it seems like he acts worse than other toddlers his age.

And I'm having trouble shaking this fear that I'm messing him up with GD.
(I live in the deep south where no one opts not to spank and punish in a variety of ways. I know that there are whole countries in Europe where spanking is illegal, but GD feels like a risky experiment sometimes from my POV, if that makes sense.)

Is it normal to feel like trying to take your 2 yo out to anywhere but the grocery store, the park, or somewhere totally kid friendly is an excercise in futility?

Well mama, my now 3 and a half year old is just like your DS. It has gotten slightly better and I often wondered if he was "normal". My 12 year old was so different at that age, he was relatively well behaved and I could take him anywhere. But my 3 year old would just be impossible. When DH would go out of town on tours with his band it was pure hell. I could hardly go to the grocery store, it was just meltdown on top of meltdown. Restraunts and other public outings are still a struggle. It is improving slowly but he is still really difficult. As I type this he is having a meltdown in his room. We've done varius degrees of GD, expiramented with different discipline ideas with him and still can't figure him out.

[lisac77]

My son has a hard time listening to me when we are in public. He wants to walk in the grocery store, but has a hard time staying in supervisory range. He wants to be carried in public, but he's getting too big (as in heavy) for me to do that for more than a couple of minutes. He has trouble sitting and waiting in restaurants. For him, this is normal behavior and I really just try to roll with the punches.

If I want to eat out (which I do a lot) I get take out. When we go to the grocery store I make sure he has a snack and I give him choices about riding in the cart or walking, with the caveat that if he's having trouble listening he has to get back in the cart. I encourage him to walk by explaining that he is a big boy and Mommy is tired.

And yet, more often than not I find myself squatting next to my prone toddler in the middle of a store aisle explaining that it is not appropriate to lie on the floor in stores, or taking him out of a restaurant to let him cool off, or doing my best to be a GD mama when he's thrown an entire counter's worth of stacked fliers onto the floors.

He's young. He's still learning how to behave. If I could leave him home, I would, but my husband is never there and I am always alone with the kid. As I said I take it one day at a time, but I don't worry that he's abnormal, because he's SO not.

[Benji'sMom]

We have to time everything just right too. If the food takes too long to come, or if the line is too long at the store, we will end up with a crying, frustrated toddler. Even in the store he gets tired of sitting in the cart so trips have to be short. No sponteniety. I do most shopping on weekends when DH can stay home with him. Or we go shopping together as a family, that way it's 2 adults versus one kid and we can take turns handling the meltdowns.

[mamakay]

Thanks, mamas.
Good to hear I'm not alone, at least.

[AppleOrangePear]

I agree with johub and others:

I also believe do what works best for your family. My DS is a 25 month old that ENJOYS taking turns, going out to eat and shopping HOWEVER he is 2 and we do have those days where he thinks its best to just STOP, LAY DOWN, and say HES DONE!

I think GD creates MORE respectful children that interact well with others.

Remember two at 2 they are a lil body full of TONS of emotions about to let go at any second

and if there are those times when he melts down for your self remember to pretend there isnt anyone around looking etc ( WHO CARES) and really when they are looking and you as a mama feel confident they are probably looking say WOW that mom knows how to meet her childs needs.. or something like that

Michele

[octobermom]

The hardest "ege" (so far ) was between about 18 months and 2.5 as far as going out in public there were just too many other exciting things to do soo umm we ordered in a lot Then as sudden as she started the She stopped shes three (just turned end of Oct) and I can take her pretty much anywhere even for long times and she does great. Set your boundries and enforce them but be patient remember your toddler is learning and know that this too will pass, and till then order pizza and a netflix

Deanna