getting dressed

[babybugmama]

Okay I am losing it over something so stupid.

GEtting dressed in the morning. It is ridiculous. It can take an hour or longer. I am sick of asking her to get dressed and she doesn't. I have tried making the time to get dressed longer, shorter. I've tried to make it a game. I've let her pick her clothes out. I've picked her clothes out. I've tried letting her dress herself, me dress her, some combination. The last two days I've lost it. Yelling at her and having to get away from her from frustration.

I feel like an idiot. I should be able to handle this. But I don't know what else to do. We have to get dressed because we are going out and it's too cold to just go out in jammies.

So. I just ask her why is it so hard for her to get dressed in the morning? Her response? "Because I'm just a little girl." I really feel like a shit.

[HappyHSer]

So. I just ask her why is it so hard for her to get dressed in the morning? Her response? "Because I'm just a little girl." I really feel like a shit.

Does she go to school? Do you go to work? I guess what I'm asking is how important is it that she get dressed by "X" time?

My dd is a dawdler. Not because she doesn't want to comply, but because it's simply how her heart and brain work.

I started something that really helped. We played "Mommy time" and "Larsen time". I showed her what "Mommy time" looked like. We got dressed quickly, without distractions, and headed out the door. We practiced and pretended this several times. I even tried to get distracted, but reminded us out loud that we were on "Mommy time".

Then we played "Larsen time". I said "You need to get dressed." And we played tea party with the stuffed animals, got some clothes out, combed hair, doodled on an index card, changed pants, read a book........." Eventually, we were fully dressed. This was "Larsen time". It was played with humor, but not patronizing.

I told her that sometimes we needed to do things on "Mommy time" and sometimes it could be "Larsen time". When needed, I'd tell her what I needed done and whether it was a "Mommy time" or "Larsen time" request.

I made sure we had lots of "Larsen time" opportunity and I did notice a significant difference in her ability to do "Mommy time." I think it was the practice and also the helping her to understand how to do "Mommy time" when needed.

[UUMom]

Two of my kids still like me to help them, or at least keep them company. I find it easiest to go along and it is nice to start our day woith some closenness and chatting. With my 6 yr old, if she needs to be dressed early for something (she homeschools) I will hand her her clothing while she is still in bed. She pulls on her undies and I help her by pulling her shirt over her head. It's quick and painless and it's a game. It *maybe* takes a minute.

My 11 yr old goes to school, and when he wakes in the morning, I put the clothing he chose the night before right on his bunk when i say good morning. If he gets dressed under the covers, he doesn't even feel cold. It saves a whole lot of time and aggravation for them to get dressed before they even get out of bed. It's not a biggie to 'help' or keep them company. It also doesn't lead to dressing teens, either. Imagine a big kid with pubic hair wanting his or her mom to help them pull on their undies. It would sort of like a 'normal' 6 yr old wanting his Kindergarten teacher to change his pull up.

My oldest liked 'company' as well, and trust me, he's nearly 17 and he is not asking me for help any longer. Hasn't in years. My 13 yr old hasn't needed help since she was about 7 or so.

[Wugmama]

I've been there so many times. It has been so stressful for me as well, and I have lost it and yelled about it too. I work full time and bring her to my mom's. We do need to get out the door at a decent hour so I'm not too late for work (luckily I don't punch a clock, just stay later when I come in later, but still).

This may not apply to your situation, but just in case I will share. My dd is 3.5 and can dress herself. I usually give her her clothes (or sometimes she picks, but she doesn't really seem to care at all if I just pick) and ask her get dressed while I am also getting ready. I keep nagging at her all morning, but she doesn't get dressed. Then after I've taken care of the birds, packed her lunch, got myself ready, etc...I go to her and try to "help" her get dressed. By now I think she is sick of me nagging her, and I am so stressed out because I am running late (as always, this really isn't her fault) that I just lose it on her and act like it is her fault I am late.

SOOOOO just today I had the bright idea to make getting dressed one of the very first things that happened once she woke up. She was watching Dora (try to limit TV but not worth a power struggle ) and I just sat next to her on the couch with her clothes and asked for a hug, which she willingly gave. Then I just told her I was going to help her get dressed and she was completely cooperative while I pulled her jammies off and got her undershirt and sweater on. I asked if she could do her panties and pants, and she said, "I want you to do it of course!" so I did!

By the time it was time to go, I was indeed running late as always, but I wasn't mad at her, and she wasn't stressed out and we had a fun time in the car telling stories on the way to my moms. I was really pleased to have found what seemed like a practical solution. I hope you are able to find one too! Believe you me I have been in tears a number of times over getting her dressed - you are not alone!

BTW, regarding the "...only a little girl" comment, I have noticed an uncanny ability for little ones to be able to adeptly deliver very stinging guilt trips with just a single sentence. See my "breaking my heart" thread for a great example. I can definitely relate here as well.


Tracy

[gaialice]

Babybugmama, I could post your very same message. I get so frustrated and annoyed! And I wind up not yelling but guiltying myself and the girls ...great parenting .... yeah.....
See, I am by myself with 2 little girls age 3 and 5 (dh works in another town) and it simply is SOO hard ...
So, let me also share what we do. In the evening we have a little meeting in which everyone chooses their clothes, including me. We can all comment on each other's choice and everyone is free to keep one's choice even if the others do not like it. (Mostly it is my dd1 who does not like my suits because I wear a lot of brown and black and grey... can you blame her? She says: Mommy you look pretty in your miniskirt... put on your miniskirt ... Oh well I am digressing... ). Then we make a plan for the next morning. We put clothes in the living room. We set the table for breakfast so as to save time... Sometimes they do not want to help me and I do it by self but I always say I expect them to help next time...
In the morning things usually work OK. We all dress together in the living room. (Dressing before breakfast is not an option unless your idea is filling up an extra load for the washing machine... ) Sometimes I play a game that if they do not get dressed up NOW I will EAT them or we sing a dressing song and finally we are all dressed in trousers and T-shirts.
But then comes the dreaded moment of GETTING OUT OF THE DOOR... this requires putting on shoes and overcoat and scarf and hat ... and that is a disaster... because they want their sibling's scarf... because they do not want a scarf... because they want to go to the toilet AND I EXPLODE ... because this is for me a critical moment in which I need to focus on the important things I need to take with me otherwise I forget EVERYTHING.. their mid-morning snacks, my lunch, switching the stereo and the lights off...
Thinking about it, at our next meeting in the evening I will try to give them chores. Like dd1 will have to - after she has finished putting on shoes and overcoat - switch off the stereo. And dd2 could switch off lights everywhere. That should give me the 30" I need to focus my mind on IMPORTANT STUFF... yesterday I had to come back upstairs 3 TIMES!!!

[babybugmama]

She's actually into the independence and refuses help. In fact if I try to help she pitches a royal fit. Honestly if I could just help and have it done I would rejoice! I miss that aspect of taking care of her. Sometimes she will still let me, but not often. I hope I didn't mislead in the OP...but I would dress her or keep her company in a heartbeat if she would let me.

I only work pt. So it's oftentimes for other things, like getting to the doctor/dentist (dentist was yesterday), going to the grocery store (when I need to get it done b/c we have other things we have to do afterwards). So it's not a daily thing.

Getting dressed first thing is not really a possibility. She wakes up very slowly and needs a lot of space. But maybe I can orchestrate it something like, let's get dressed before we make breakfast. That might work. So not neccessarily first thing, but before anything else happens.

I don't think she was trying to make me feel guilty, she's just not sophisticated enough. I think she was being very insightful though and stating a fact.

[babybugmama]

Okay can I just add that this is becoming a general problem. I ask her to do something she doesn't do it. I guess I'm getting tired of asking her to do something and having her ignore me or refuse. It's frustrating. Sometimes it's something important, sometimes not. I just don't understand what happened to my little girl who was so cooperative and now it's frustrating most of the time.

[babybugmama]

gaialice - we cross posted. I do give dd chores to help me out the door and that does help in getting everything out the door. Once I get her clothes on, the coat and shoes usually is easy. Surprisingly, I guess.

Dd is actually a fairly neat eater. But we also don't have super messy breakfasts (homemade pancakes, oatmeal, cheesy eggs, whole wheat bagels with toppings). So getting her dressed before may be what I need to do. I guess sometimes I just wish we could be a little more leisurely. Sigh.

I'm super hormonal right now too. I guess I need to face that fact. And deal with that. Not her and her dressing, which is frustrating, but certainly does not warrant the level of frustration.

[UUMom]

Originally Posted by babybugmama

I'm super hormonal right now too. I guess I need to face that fact. And deal with that. Not her and her dressing, which is frustrating, but certainly does not warrant the level of frustration.

I think you're on the right track. Sometimes just not making something an issue is the best thing we can do. 5 minutes of sitting with her, handing her things might be all it takes to break the cycle.

I hate it when I have to get out of the house quickly. I'm no good and neither are my kids. Waking my ds up earlier than he needs to get up helps lots. He takes a few minutes to get going. If i stand there and just chat, hand him things etc., he seems to flow better into the rest of this morning. Leaving him or yeeling to him sets him off. He not only needs a slower awakening than my other kids, he needs a more quiet one. When my dh gets up to go to the bathroom, he often stops in to say good morning to him to wake him. (Alrams stress him). A few minutes later, when I hear dh in the shower, I go in to say goodmorning and then hand him his clothes, chatting etc. He doesn't need my actual help to dress, just my company or dh's as he does it.

it's not an issue unless I press. You know, if I would call to him to wake up, or not go hand him the clothes, make him set an alarm rather than have his dad quietly wake him etc. People are so different, and the power I muster to get out of bed earlier than I would like to go to him is worth more than 15 more minutes of sleep , and having him all stressed from loud voices, or us hurrying him out of bed.

Ack. I am *so* not a morning person, but right now my kid needs a particular thang.

For messy eaters, maybe dress in everything but the top and wear a loose t shirt if it's cold. At least the underwear, socks or tights, pants or skirts are on. if it's a dress, maybe throw a loose adult t shirt over that.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

Our household has to get out the door at a specific time 6 days out of 7. I have a 6 YO DS who wears a school uniform and a 2 1/2 YO DD off to preschool, plus DH and I. Our tricks for the morning:

* Pick clothes the night before / check to make sure all parts of uniform are clean, ready, and accounted for. Generally includes a round of hunt the school shoe.
* Eat breakfast in PJs to minimize rechanging.
* Everyone get dressed together in one big dressing party. For us, this is actually fun family time. We all cluster in the master bedroom and get dressed at the same time. Now that DS is getting a little older, I do put on underwear in the bathroom, as does DH. But everything else is all together, chat about the day, be a little silly time.

DD is learning to dress herself these days. So we are concentrating on baby steps in the process. I coach one action at a time: Please take of PJ bottoms. Great, now please take off top, put in hamper, take of pull up, put in trash, put on undies, are the My Little Pony undies mommies or A's? Put on shorts, look silly mommy put her skirt on backwards, put on Tshirt... and so forth. That way she is doing it all herself but doesn't get sidetracked. And BOTH of us see progress towards finishing what is actually a pretty complex task.

With DS, there was a point in preschool where he just dragged gettting dressed. We used to make it the "beat the timer" game, which worked most of the time.

Once everyone is dressed, if there is time, they can watch TV while DH and I finish morning tasks.

On Saturday, unles there is something special going on, we don't have to get dressed and generally we have a much more leisurely time in PJs. For us, having the one morning balances off the others, which are much more structured by necessity.

Maybe something in there will help you.

[babybugmama]

I think in many ways my schedule differs from everyones greatly. We generally do not have to be out of the house until 11:30. On some mornings it's 9 (once or twice a week at the most). So I don't generally have to get her up and dressed right away.

UUmom - I have a gentle waker too. She wakes on her own (no alarm or me), generally the same time every day. She talks to herself from anywhere from 1 minute to 15 minutes. Then she'll come out. She generally sits on my lap for a few minutes and then asks for something to eat. Some mornings she does not want to sit on my lap and just stands there staring at me (always an awkward time ). After breakfast, either I will go running or do some sort of exercise. If I run, she's in the jogger and we talk the whole time (but I generally just let her stay in PJ's and bundle her up with the colder weather - we have a sleeping bag type thing that goes in the jogger). Then home.

I notice that when she showers with me it's easier. A more normal transition. I think I'm starting to see that it's the days that are looser that she struggles with. It seems I need maybe some sort of anchor for her getting dressed on the looser days that is consistent.

Dd can pretty much dress herself entirely except tying shoes. Granted often times panties are on backwards or shirts, or pants. But she's very receptive to being helped to turn them around. If we are going somewhere she wants to, it's a 2 minute process at most.

[Wugmama]

Wasn't trying to say your dd (or mine) INTENTIONALLY guilt trips - I don't believe they do that. Just that they have a way of pointing out things that then makes us feel bad. Somehow they are naturally good at it!

~Tracy

[UUMom]

Only my ds needs to be out of the house at a certain time. The dds are hs'd. I take my ds to school in my jammies and don't even have to dress, although i try to.

I hand my youngest her clothes before she gets out of bed 9she sleeps until around 10) because it's easiest. I don't have to think about it & she doesn't have to think about it. If we need to go somewhere, we are all set.

Call me lazy.

[UUMom]

Only my ds needs to be out of the house at a certain time. The dds are hs'd. I take my ds to school in my jammies and don't even have to dress, although i try to.

I hand my youngest her clothes before she gets out of bed (she sleeps until around 10 as she does not usually go to sleep before midnoght) because it's easiest. I don't have to think about it & she doesn't have to think about it. If we need to go somewhere, we are all set.

Call me lazy.

[annekevdbroek]

My son was also resisting getting dressed in the morning. Some times this was ok - but at 11:00 or so I'd find myself still trying to reason him into some clothes. So I changed the routine - once he is awake and I go in he needs to stay in his room (playing with or without me - door stays open) until he is ready to get dressed. It was so easy and quick. I'd say now that he is dressed within 5 minutes after waking up. No fuss, no muss, no tears. He wants to get out of his room and get on with playing, eating, etc. When we initially started I'd just gently lead him back to his room and explain that he could play there until he was ready to get dressed. We are able to get out of the house quickly in the morning if we need to, and can hang out leisurely if we want (in our clothes, no PJs).

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by babybugmama

If we are going somewhere she wants to, it's a 2 minute process at most.

Silly thought, is there something she would want to do every day outdoors that you could do every morning? Or some indoor activity that works better in clothes instead of jammies?