The word "infertile" *Rant*

[OTMomma]

just sucks. I hate how it sounds like my womb should just be paved over to be a parking lot.

I had a dr's appt this week and was told that since I haven't concieved in a year of trying that I'm technically infertile, though my doctor said she prefers the term "subfertile" because its less concrete sounding. Annoying part is that I have given birth before, so how the @@#$$%# can I be infertile.

OK, I know secondary infertility happens, for some reason tonight I'm just pissed about the word useage. And "subfertile" doesn't sound nice either, its like I'm less of a woman just because I don't get pregnant as easily as I'd like.

Are there nicer words to say "fertilty challenged"?

[GeemiesMommie]

Kind of like the word "barren." :Puke

[AdinaL]

I really liked the word barren for a while...sort of echoed how I felt.

Infertile is better than sterile....though it is still incorrect. I am infertile, and pregnant...doesn't work. The definition of infertile is person, plant or animal unable to reproduce, or land unable to sustain crops.

subfertile is better...just means you are a little less than fertile.

All the terms are bad...there are no terms regarding women's reprooductive health that aren't demeaning in some way...

I dunno - I just ended up owning some words and used them. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

[Tine]

I think I know what you mean. There's something just so depressing about "infertility" and "subfertility." OTOH, I do think there's some real value to having a clinical name -- the more specific, the better -- for this condition. For example, I tend to tell people I have endometriosis & hypothyroidism rather than infertility. The more specific I can be, the less people are tempted to think it's psychosomatic or "just not meant to be" and say stupid things like "just relax" or or whatever. Instead, they ask more pertinent questions.

[apri4]

After years of infertility, that "infertile" word kinna numb- me.
I can be as bitter as I can be just thinking I am in that category.

[Laurel]

Originally Posted by AdinaL

I really liked the word barren for a while...sort of echoed how I felt.

Yup, me too. I didn't really want "softer" words once I was at the stage where it was glaringly obvious that I was, indeed, infertile.

There is a scripture in the Bible that talks about how God will take the barren woman and make her a joyful mother of children. I once read a book where a woman who happened to have 9 children took that scripture and tried to apply it to mothers--saying that any mother could feel "barren" and depleted with all her duties and stresses. I was furious! How dare she use that word? She had NO idea what it meant to be "barren"! *I* was the one who was barren, and she would never ever know what that was like.

"Barren" is an awful word, but I sure wanted to claim it.

[AdinaL]

I think that there is an emotional component to barren that infertile doesn't have. It sort of describes how you feel, as well as what is wrong with you. I appreciate that. Infertile is awfully technical, clinical.

[chiromama]

I agree with Adina. Owning the word changes it.
When we were heading towards IVF, I told my husband I wasn't sure how many people I wanted knowing how our child was concieved (assuming we were successful).... but now I tell almost everyone who knows I'm pregnant that we did it with IVF. It went from being something icky and not spoken of to being a badge of honor.
But, that said, if you don't like the word, then find one that resonates with you. I'm sorry you have to deal with it at all.

[Laurel]

Originally Posted by AdinaL

I think that there is an emotional component to barren that infertile doesn't have. Infertile is awfully technical, clinical.

I think you're right Adina. I do think there is a place for a word like "infertile", such as when you know you have a diagnosis and people around you keep insisting that if you just relaxed or gave things a little bit more time, you'd be pregnant. That's when you want them to understand that you are medically INfertile.

I think that back when I'd been ttc for only a year, I wasn't ready for that word either though--and honestly didn't need to be ready for it either. I remember here awhile back when we were having discussions on what to name this forum, and some people didn't want it labeled "infertility" because it had such a negative connotation to them. I was one who preferred the term "infertility" because to me it was the truth and reflected the reality of some people's situations, including mine. I can see both sides--I think time and varied experiences require different ways of labeling things. It is kind of ridiculous that after only a year of trying, boom--you're suddenly "infertile". To me, infertile isn't about the length of time you've been trying (unless it's been much longer than just one year)--it's a term that should more accurately reflect diagnosed medical conditions.

[OTMomma]

Originally Posted by Laurel

. It is kind of ridiculous that after only a year of trying, boom--you're suddenly "infertile". To me, infertile isn't about the length of time you've been trying (unless it's been much longer than just one year)--it's a term that should more accurately reflect diagnosed medical conditions.

Laurel, you did so well putting into words what I am really feeling. It is ridiculous to slap a lable on someone as casually as it is. I think I'd feel much better being diagnosed with a medical condition due to tests, and have an actual medical diagnosis. Instead of being labled infertile as easily as she might have called me short.

I can see how at a different stage of this the words infertile and barren may have a different feel. I guess I just resent having that word thrown around before I was ready to own it.

[AdinaL]

Remember that is clinically infertile. You are only "clinically" infertile after a year of unprotected sex.... Which just means, you may have a problem that needs looking at.

90% of women conceive after one year of trying, of the remaining 10% something like 80% of them will conceive in the second year.

Clinically Infertile is a crap term. It is a term they give when they have no clue what is wrong.

I found that it was well after a year of trying that I could use the term infertile about myself.

And frankly, the only reason I ever used the term infertile was because I spent a long time no knowing what was up. That at least gave me something.

[Ary99]

I've been struggling with lingo also. I feel between the fertile and infertile worlds, but have related more to "infertile" people (may of whom have gone on to have children)

Labels suck, but sometimes I use it as an identifier. It's part of who am I. Those of us who are considered "subfertile" seem to be even more isolated in some way. I don't know how else to describe myself though.