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Any success stories?

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 
I riding downhill here at home dealing with my DH & DSS and feeling like things are just all around hopeless. It's bad enough that I'm considering separation. I need to read some success stories about blended families that made it and make it work......

anyone here have a happy home?
post #2 of 7
Kindermama, have hope. For the most part our family is a very happy one except for a few little things. Granted, our children are young, but I feel like good things are worth fighting for. I have to say that I grew up in a blended family and to this day I still consider my stepdad my "real dad". He was the one that was there when I needed him. Have you considered family counseling? I do not know the whole story but kids will be kids. If its your SO that is causing the problems, then some heart-felt talks are what is needed. If he cares for you, he will listen to your fears and concerns and try to make things work.

We also live by this philosophy - God first, husband or wife second, and children third. If things are not right between you and your SO, it is very hard to fix your children. When I first heard this, I was disbelieving. How could I ever put anyone before my helpless, young son? But I realized that it is a big puzzle and you have to put some pieces in place before others will fit.

Good luck and keep trying. That is what is most important.
post #3 of 7
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by solareyna
We also live by this philosophy - God first, husband or wife second, and children third.

maybe this will help you see where I am....here's an exerpt from my journal....

A few weeks ago, I had a major breakthough with (DH) on the way up to Vermont and he admitted that he is "dependent on (DSS)" and feels that "it's me & (DSS) against the world". So, plain & simple, I don't have a one on one relationship with (DH)....there is a 3 year old child in between us. This is not what I wanted.

I believe in that philosophy as well but it has not been put into effect in my home.
post #4 of 7
Well we still have many bumps in the road to overcome and I'm not sure we're a success story but we haven't lost yet!

My dh and my ds are every close. My x died some time ago and ds looks to my dh as a true father figure. We have our problems. My idea of parenting is very laid back and I don't believe in being harder on boys b/c they are boys. So -- we do bump heads on some things to do with parenting styles but we're surviving and thats all you can hope for some days. Best luck mama -- blending is a process thats for sure!
post #5 of 7
I at times also feel like dh and dss are one team and ds and I are another. But, most of the time that is not true. The relationship between the boys is beautiful. To my son, his brother is not half, but a whole brother, the only one he has ever known. I know dss depends on me for a lot, and doesn't realize that if anything happened to his dad, he is not legally mine. We aren't perfect of course, but we are doing a lot better than most! It's been 5 years, btw. The hardest year was 3 years into it, the year ds was born.
post #6 of 7
Nothing's perfect around here either, but for the most part, it's working. DH used to be dependent on SS like that, but he's come around in the past few years and now understands that our relationship needs to be primary. I'm able to have minimal contact with SS's mom, so that helps everything run smoother. It helps that I get along great with my kids' dad and stepmom, so there's rarely a problem there.

It takes a long time to "blend," longer than I think most people can ever anticipate. Two adults who understand that the marriage MUST take center stage make everything else easier. Otherwise, the kids will always be tangled up in the marriage and that's not good for anyone.
post #7 of 7
Things work out...but you may have to redefine sucess. It won't ever be like a traditional family but it can be a very good blended family.
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