Mr. Sassy Pants

[calgal007]

DS has turned into Mr. Sassy Pants. He talks back constantly and argues about everything. I know, I know, he's 10 years old and this is the pre-teen "thing", but how does everyone keep their temper in check? DH says, "You've GOT to QUIT going right to confrontation with him!" because in the morning, we (ds and me) are arguing by 7:00 am. : I realize ds is only doing what he is biologically encoded to do, and I am the one who needs to chill, but I need help chilling.

[peggy]

I found this to be the most challenging time with my oldest son. We had always been very close and then all of a sudden it seemed nothing I said or did was right and he started talking to me in a very "saassy" way. My DH would say that I took it too personally..he was right , but it was so hard not to!! I would find myself saying sarcastic things right back..big mistake!! It takes two to "fight" and I simply began refusing to participate. I would tell him that it was unacceptable to talk to me that way and leave the room. (to cool down!) We did best reconnecting when we were both calm ..we could have long talks then about how he felt about me and about how I felt when he talked to me that way.
I'm not saying that he never talked to me that way again..but it did help ( the long talks) and also it was no fun for him if I refused to rise to the bait.

Good luck!!

peggy

[cumulus]

DS should be learning independence, yes, and other things as well. As a man he'll probably be more physically powerful than most woman and, I feel, should always, when speaking to them, be polite or demonstrate a certain control over their tongue and body. I agree arguing back is counterproductive and I'd suggest trying two things. Males, I think, get more out of visual cues and actions than verbal communication. I think a look that expresses fury at what's being said with a little hurt that it could be said directed nonverbally followed by a cessation of all communication might temper him; a flash of eye contact and it's over. I also think his father should have a talk to him. "Break windows and curfews but DO NOT presume to speak that way to my woman and your mother. I thought of a third thing. One or more of the Calvin and Hoobes cartoons has Mom and Calvin speaking as if they're in King Arthur's court. I think I recall Mom saying to young Calvin something like, "Is there any devilry thou hast not yet commited?" Maybe introducing some play into your dialog with him might diffuse some hostilty especially if he assumes some of the necessary politeness of a young knight as he speaks to you.

[calgal007]

Cumulus, you are the clever one -- ds has been acting this way ever since his dad took on a work project that has consumed all of our lives. I just didn't string the events and their connection until you suggested dh talk to him.
Also, intoducing a level of play into the correction will definitely defuse the situation. He is extremely verbal and funny and quick, and that will ring his bell. Thank you, thank you, thank you very much.

[carmen veranda]

This might sound dumb. My dd, now 17 turned into a sasssssy pants and then some at 9-10. I would ask, "will you please shut that door?" I got in return, in the sassiest voice possible, I mean dripping with sarcasm and annoyance, "I didn't leave it open!!" Ad nausem.
My sister gave us money and we went to Disneyland. Just the 2 of us. We had a blast and it cured the sassies.

[calgal007]

No, it doesn't sound dumb. It sounds like part of the sassypants issue is needing individual attention from me. Makes sense. Now, do you think your sister will give ME money to take him to Disneyland?

[carmen veranda]

lol I'll ask, but now she is helping me send dd, age 17, to Paris this summer, so chances are slim for you and ds!!!

[calgal007]

Thanks for the giggle! (And for the insight.) -- Calgal

[carmen veranda]

Hugs to you and yours calgal!!!

[angie6]

Sadly I have learned that it starts somewhere between 8 - 10 (depending on how many older siblings they have around to pick it up from). My oldest is 14 and I have to say I very much dislike his presence anymore. The sarcastic words, tones and manners set me off. SOme days I am great and can remain extremly cool and just inform him I will not take it and give him a choice of changing or punishment. I have also talked to him about how he ia perceived and how his actions hurt others. He usually gets it and changes but then evil raises its ugly head again.
I know if we ask our parents they will fill us in on our sarcastic, rude behavior too. We have to stick together and learn that these hormonally driven children of ours are growing up and acting out, just like toddlers, trying to be independant but seeking our guidance along the way.
Also we need to remember you always hurt the ones you really love for some strange reason. I know they never act this way with anyone else so that at least gives me peace.
I plan on having a talk with my son tonight about his sarcasm and his attitude about me. He too makes me out to be an extreme idiot that can not do 1 think right so don't feel alone.
The sad thing is I have to go through this 6 times! WHat was I thinking?????
Angie