I just read the OP and skimmed through quickyly so this is not in response to anything anyone else has or hasn't said. These are my thoughts on it as a stepmom and as a mom to a dd who's dad has a girlfriend who she may or may not call "mommy"? I say that b/c my ex is a lunatic and every girl he has dated since our divorce he has wanted my daughter to call mom b/c he claims he is going to get married to each and every one
And he usually wants the gfriends kids to call him dad. Anyway I don't let it bother me. My daughter is almost 7 and if she feels comfy calling someone mommy then I think she should do whatever makes her feel comfortable and I don't let it bother me b/c it doesn't negate or change our relationship in any way. I've learned that someone calling you mommy doesn't make you one and someone not calling you mommy doesn't not make you one. Mommy, IMO, is in the heart
For me its a feeling and more than a word. My granny taught me that without ever saying a word. Her neighbors kids grew up calling her granny and considered her that even though they already had grandparents that they loved and visited often. She was a "granny" and that is the role she played in their life and so the title fit for everyone. My dss calld me mommy, he is 3, and sometimes now that he is getting older by my first name. I don't think his mom is too keen on the idea of him calling me mommy and I respect that and understand. He naturally knows that I am not his mom b/c he doesn't live with me, but the other children called me mom and as he learned to talk he referred to me the same way they did. I figure that he will eventually just call me by my first name, but if he doesn't that will be fine with me. I would never make him call me mom. I think he can call me by my first name, but I do teach our kids to respond ma'am and sir out of respect. My children refer to dss as their brother. My dd doesn't say he is a "step" brother. To her he is simply her brother and I think that age has alot to do with it. My dd was 3 when my dh and I started dating and she does not call him dad, just Chris. She does love him and she hugs his neck, kisses his cheek, and tells him each night before she goes to bed just like she does me. He doesn't need her to call him dad and she never wanted to as far as I know. And I don't even tell ppl that dss is a "step" child when we are out. I just say he's my son and he just say's I'm his mom. I think my dd would probably tell her friends that my dh was her step dad if they referred to him incorrectly but in a nice way just for clarity's sake. If the kids were being disrespectful about it and said "you're not my mom" I would say something like " No I'm not but that has nothing to do with what we are talking about b/c I don't need to be your mom for you to do what I ask." I think all our kids know that that wouldn't fly around here.