guess what mine did?!
i have a 13 yr old daughter named Unity. she is gorgeous, smart, funny, athletic and unforunately for me, built like an 18 yr old! so far in her 13 yrs Unity has never so much as even given me a reason to give her a time out, much less a "real punishment".
A little bit of background, her father and I are divorced and have been so since she was 5. We had an extremely amicable separation, no drama, no yelling and absolutely no violence. When we decided on separation/divorce I was in the midst of a very severe career change, I was leaving early childhood education for law enforcement! It was a very tough move for me and my family. However I did it, and asked my husband for a divorce at the same time.
Move ahead 8 yrs and now I'm the one with the open mind, Steve, who was a peace loving, vegetarian, leftist, atheist, is now the most conservative man i know! He even voted for bush! 2 times and converted to Catholism!
Now that Unity is growing up, Steve and I have had several discussions regarding what she is allowed and not allowed to do. I love live music and she and I happen to like the same music, so I take her to live shows. She wanted to wear makeup, I' m not big on it, i think she's beautiful the way she is But! I want her to express herself and I "discuss" that with Steve.
Long story short! I am a police officer and ride patrol on night shift, Unity stays with her Dad at night and I see her after school.
This summer I had a schedule change for 30 days and I trusted her to stay with her 3 yr old brother while her stepdad, who also works nights, slept in the apartment.
I was going through my cell phone account, browsing my pics of Unity and her brother to print, when I came across a picture of breasts, (that were definately not mine!).
As I scrolled down I saw a picture of Unity with a finger to her mouth as if to say shhhhhh.
Upon further research I found out she had sent about 6 nude pics to a male in New Jersey! We live in Texas! I had to contact the police dept, who in turn contacted the FBI. The FBI confiscated our computer and my cell phone which she sent the pictures from. The end result was she was not "victimized" by a sexual predator but on the contrary, she sent the pictures to a 13 yr old boy.
I was so devastated but tried not to show it. I had a lot of "where did i go wrongs" cross my mind. I tried to explain to Unity that her body is beautiful and the person she shares it with should be more than an email address.
Of course my family, including Steve and my current husband, looked to me as if it was my fault. "You shouldnt treat her like a best friend!, she's your daughter!" What was I to do? I dont know how to punish one of my best friends! I felt angry, snowed, and hurt. How could she do this to me? I have always treated her with respect, I listen! I fought for her to wear just a little make up! I fought for her right to see Weezer and Green Day in concert! I listen to the "daily news of middle school"!
Now I'm the one who feels like a failure, how do I trust her again? For Gods sake I'm a cop! and a good one! How did this happen and now what do i do?
Of course there were consequences, no radio, no concerts, no school dances, no phone (ouch!) and no make up.
She has been without these "privledges" for about a month, and I think that its time for her to get a few of them back. Steve and I talk about what she can do. However I have started to let her talk to boys on the phone, and she has radio rights back.
My husband says I am giving in, but what is enough? When do I start to trust her again, can I ever? What in her Fathers eyes can she do to win back trust? Steve seems to think the more sheltered she is the less trouble she will get into. I am a realist and I know what i did at a young age. I was sexually active at 14, I drank and smoked and lied to my parents untill i was at least 18!. I love Unity and miss her company as a friend!
Hook a Mamma up!