the worst OB apt. tonight

[~*max*~]

I had the worst feeling OB appointment tonight, and nothing major even happened. History - I have had the same OB for my past 3 pregnancies, who I absolutely loved. She is an older woman, very gentle, soft-spoken, caring. She delivered my last two babies, and they were amazing VBACS, the last one was all natural.

Sadly, my OB stopped delivering babies due to high malpractice insurance. This is a huge loss to me, on top of some other pretty heavy losses lately. So I switched to another in her practice, who came highly recommended. She is young, nice, but very intervention-oriented. I am 36 and very healthy, but she is making me feel 56 w/all the high tech tests she wants me to do. At my first appointment w/her she recommended the quad screen & nuchal translucency. I was feeling overwhelmed, worried about the age factor, so agreed. (Now I wish I hadn't. I don't have the results yet, but it has just given me stress.) Now she wants me to do a level 2 ultrasound w/genetic counseling. I tried to ask her about this and all I got was, "We talked about this, because of your age."

I left the office and burst into tears on the way home. This is not the way I want to have my baby. I fear w/this doctor the birth will be all about intervention, and I'll end up w/another c-section.

I am going to call tomorrow and say no to the level 2. I will do a regular ultrasound w/the technician who has done all mine in the past. He is awesome. I am also going to see if the midwife in the practice delivers babies, and try to assess if she is truly a midwife or a medwife. I have a couple other midwives my insurance will cover, so I have some options.

Thanks for reading. I feel better just making a plan. As I type this it is 2am. I couldn't sleep for feeling so stressed out.

[Marylizah]

Max

I can totally relate to being afraid that your birth experience will slip out of your control and become very intervention-heavy. I'm sorry that your doc isn't listening to you properly.

It sounds like you have some good back-up plans though to make sure that you get the kind of respect that you deserve from a care provider!

When you call back to refuse the tests, maybe you should remind your doctor that you've already done this 3 times and that your body knows what it's doing. Besides, you're 36, not 106!

[nitareality]

I can relate to how your feeling. I'm sorry you're having this bad experience but it sounds like you have a good sound plan to work on. I hope that this pregnancy becomes the experience that you want it to be.

[NurseLaurie]

If she is trying to steal your power now, it will only get worse at delivery. Ask about the midwife, and if that doesn't work start interviewing others. It is never too late to make a change! I'm sorry this happened. I lost my most trusted provider by moving two hours away. It is terrible when you can't see the same person that you trust!

[dshields]

Max! I'm so sorry! I agree with the pp's and want to send you my support. Keep us posted on what you choose.

[peypeymama]

for you Max.

None of your other children have had genetic problems, right? How old is your youngest? It's not like your eggs "go bad" right at 35.
If you've had several successful, healthy pregnancies, it seems like all this "extra precaution" is just a way to charge your insurance more money.

Don't let them scare you! Be strong.

but I'd run too.

[Unreal]

:

[~*max*~]

Originally Posted by peypeymama

for you Max.

None of your other children have had genetic problems, right? How old is your youngest? It's not like your eggs "go bad" right at 35.
If you've had several successful, healthy pregnancies, it seems like all this "extra precaution" is just a way to charge your insurance more money.

Don't let them scare you! Be strong.

but I'd run too.

Peypeymama, my youngest just turned 2 and all the children are perfectly healthy. My pregnancies have all been low risk and healthy. My dh says the same thing about them making money. The worst of that is it also costs us a lot, as we have a high deductible and co-payment.

I tried to talk w/the nurse and the Ob today on the phone about my concerns, in particular about feeling overwhelmed and stressed by the interventions, and that I am very healthy and do not feel I need them. Neither would listen to me. They insisted that the level 2 ultrasound was necessary and although they wouldn't "force me" (as if!), they highly advised me against doing the regular ultrasound. I felt really bullied. I am making calls now to lok into the midwives in my area, but it does not look promising. I will keep you all posted.

NurseLaurie, ITA agree about them taking away my power at the birth. That is what has me the most concerned in all this.

Thank you mamas so much for the support. I really need it right now.

[LovinLiviLou]

I'd stick with your gut and find someone else. I stayed with my original medwife through my first pregnancy because I felt intimidated to try to figure something else out when I realized at 6 1/2 mos that she was more "med" than "mid," and even though I ended up technically having the birth I wanted, I had to fight her at many points along the way. In retrospect, I think of how much easier a birth it would have to have been working with a m/w instead of against one. This go round I have an awesome m/w and I am so excited! As info, I found out about my m/w by looking on the tribal area boards here and getting recs, so you might want to check there if you haven't already. Good luck!

[zonapellucida]

I just want to agree with the above. I am 36, on baby no. 8 and will be birthing at home. The ONLY test I will have is an US around 20 weeks. Thirty five making you high risk is BS!!! Last pg could have turned into a horror with the pressure I was given to go to a high risk OB to birth. GOOD LUCK aqnd dump that doc NOW!!!!

[Guinevere]

Aww, Max, that's so crappy! I'm upset for you! :

I understand exactly what you're saying about feeling like the focus and control over your pg/birth is slipping away. It's such a horrible feeling, I know! That happened to me with my last pg, and I really regret not having made different choices, even though at the time, it was all I knew to do... Hindsight and all, you know? Sigh...

I also agree fully that it's not like you took a 10 yr. break and just got pg with a new baby for the first time in ages. Your body KNOWS what it's doing; it just did this 2 yrs. ago, for pete's sake! My mom often complained to me about this very thing -- she had me, then ended up divorced and remarried 8 yrs. later, at which point she went on to have 3 more children. She was 34, 36, and 38 when she had them, and when pg again at 36, suddenly her OB acted as if she'd turned ancient! Wanted her to have amnio, etc., kept cautioning her about the things she shouldn't do "at her age." She thought it was all ridiculous, too, and refused to let him scare her. All three of my younger siblings were perfectly healthy, and she also had low-risk, perfectly normal pg's and births.

I think it's so important for us to listen to our instincts, especially around something as sacred and important as being pregnant and giving birth. Yours are telling you that this OB isn't a good fit, that she doesn't respect your experiences and your wisdom and your body's proven ability to produce perfect, healthy babies. You absolutely need to listen to that warning and find a different care provider, even if it means jumping through insurance hoops and involves considerable effort. Speaking from experience, I'm certain you won't regret switching, but will very much regret just sticking it out for convenience/fear/you-name-it's sake.

Let us know how it unfolds; we're all rooting for you!

Guin

[~*max*~]

Thank you wonderful mamas. : You have all been so helpful and supportive. This whole thing is just consuming me. I can't find any midwives, that my insurance covers, who deliver at my local hospital (which I love). I am branching out look into other area hospitals, but so far no success. My insurance is pretty limiting. My state has few midwives, no birthing centers, and homebirth midwives are illegal. You know the strange thing, my local hospital is certified Baby Friendly by WHO, i.e. pro-breastfeeding, rooming in, etc., yet they do not work w/midwives. :

But, onward I continue. :

[~*max*~]

Since I am having trouble finding a midwife, do you think I might have better luck w/an OB who is an Osteopath? We had a family doctor who was an Osteopath, and she was amazing, but she moved away. (I have the worst luck w/doctors!)

[Peppamint]

Oh hugs... how awful trying to find everything you need in a provider and a hospital. And so ridiculous that hb mw are illegal. So much for having choices.

[flowmom]

Max, that really sucks. If they are demonstrating this attitude at this point in your pg, that does not bode well for the birth or if, heaven forbid, you experience complications. It sounds like your former OB was fab, but with these ones you are running the odds of all the stuff that they do to birthing moms in highly medicalized settings. I am 37 and even my medwives are totally OK with my declining all ultrasounds. The blood screening test is totally up to me (I am doing it for dh's sake) and the nuchal test hasn't even come up (but it is not covered here).

The problem with all that genetic testing, etc. is - what can they do about the results?? Nothing except advise you to have a second trimester abortion which would be a heartbreaking decision to have to make. Personally, I would rather wait and see what kind of baby comes and deal with it at the time. I have no judgements of women who choose to terminate pregnancies of babies who have genetic conditions but I don't think I could do it once my belly is big and my baby is moving. This pressure to do expensive testing is probably the profit motive indirectly at work.

It sounds like you don't have a ton of options in your area. A great resource for getting the inside scoop on your local birthing options is to consult the members of your local MotheringDotCommune thread. I found out that there are some highly respected illegally practicing homebirth midwives in my area who I am considering hiring (homebirth registered midwives are legal but more interventionist).

Don't give up on finding the right birthing attendant for you. Your body was made to do this and IMO all the testing and stuff is not necessary for a healthy low-risk mom.

[Snowdrift]

Originally Posted by ~*max*~

Since I am having trouble finding a midwife, do you think I might have better luck w/an OB who is an Osteopath? We had a family doctor who was an Osteopath, and she was amazing, but she moved away. (I have the worst luck w/doctors!)

I have never had a bierth attended by a DO, but I have always gone to either a DO or a NP for well-woman stuff and have pretty much found my doc at least to be pretty good about avoiding power-trippy over-medicalized things.

She was very good throughout miscarriage process last time (can't say the same for her office staff) and has always been very gently and non-pushy.

I think an osteopath has a higher potential for being woman- anjd birth-friendly than an MD.

[peypeymama]

I haven't checked in for a couple days... but I'm so sad to see that you've been having such bad luck finding a decent caregiver. There has to be SOME one who is not about all those tests.

I know you'll keep us posted, and I'm : that you'll find someone fabulous real soon!

[JayGee]

Oh Max, how awful . Have you thought about looking for a Family Practice doc rather than an OB? I'm 37 and my FP has not recommended a single test. He just presents it as an option and then asks if I want it or not. I'm also having another VBAC (fingers crossed), and he has been 100% cool with every single thing I want, right down to getting to the hospital after laboring at home a good long time, no CFM, and no IV. You may have better luck with a family doc. Just an idea.

[~*max*~]

Originally Posted by peypeymama

I haven't checked in for a couple days... but I'm so sad to see that you've been having such bad luck finding a decent caregiver. There has to be SOME one who is not about all those tests.

I know you'll keep us posted, and I'm : that you'll find someone fabulous real soon!

Thanks for asking peypeymama. The saga continues. So far, I have found the only midwife who delivers at my hospital. She is part of my current OB's practice. However, she only works w/them 2 days a week and is not on-call for births. So if you go into labor when she is not working, you get whoever is on-call. I am going to meet w/her anyway to talk about it. At the rate I am going now, at least I would get good, supportive prenatal care. My last labor was really quick, and I spent most of it at home. This is baby #4, so I am hoping this one will be quick too & I won't need the OB much. I am also going to call the osteopath OB and try to meet w/her. I will keep you all updated.

[flowmom]

Hey max,

That's a tough position. It would be really important to me to know who would be at the birth. In your cases I would be looking into illegally practicing homebirth midwives or unassisted, but that's such an individual choice and I totally get that some mamas wouldn't be in their comfort zone outside of a hospital.