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Breastfeeding mama - NOT holding baby?  

post #1 of 37
11/23/05 at 11:45am
Thread Starter 
I just don't get some women...

There is a mom on my ds's soccer team who just had a baby (3 weeks ago). Before the birth we talked about how wonderful it was to nurse a baby and how great it is , blah, blah, blah....Well, I see her at the last soccer game and the entire time the baby is in her little bucket. She was crying and fussing and I say something like "Ohh...I think I hear someone who's hungry" And she says "No, I just fed her but she doesn't like it when I'm not holding her - I don't want to spoil her - so she's just going to have to get used to it." I respond to somthing like "Well, you know, instinctually she feels unsafe when she isn't being held. For all she knows, instinct is telling her that there is a bear around the corner. Not to mention nature made our arms the perfect length to hold a baby - so really, for her, it's going against everything she knows to be in a bucket" (followed by a giggle and a smile to lighten the message...)

Then last night when we were at the end of the yr. soccer party and she had the baby in her bucket the ENTIRE time! (a good 2+ hours) AND she feeds the baby a botle without picking her up AND without even looking at her! THe poor baby sat there for FIVE minutes with the nipple half out of her mouth because mom wasn't looking to see what was going on. Two times I said "Oops! It fell out of her mouth again"

GRRRR.....Why have a baby if you don't want to look at her or hold her?!?!? I don't know, I guess I just thought that a breastfeeding mom would be more "in touch" with her baby.....
post #2 of 37
11/23/05 at 11:48am
That is really weird. I doubt she'll be bf long.
post #3 of 37
11/23/05 at 11:59am
So sad. Sometimes I think those little buckets were the worst inventions. Both my kids hated them--smart little ones!
post #4 of 37
11/23/05 at 12:12pm
Some people just can't get out of the mainstream mindset. For me all of that stuff just didn't seem right deep down. But her baby is young. Who knows maybe she is feeling pressure from family members or what. Maybe in a few weeks you will see her in a sling Or maybe you could buy her one.
post #5 of 37
11/23/05 at 12:56pm
Excuse my ignorance .. but what's a baby bucket? Is it like a regular bucket, or what?

I've never seen/heard of one before. Whatever it is, it's seems sad that poor baby would be away from momma like that ...
post #6 of 37
11/23/05 at 1:05pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by snowbunny
Excuse my ignorance .. but what's a baby bucket? Is it like a regular bucket, or what?

I've never seen/heard of one before. Whatever it is, it's seems sad that poor baby would be away from momma like that ...
Usually when people refer to the baby bucket they are talking about the carseat I think that is what the OP was referring to.
post #7 of 37
11/23/05 at 1:46pm
How sad.

I admit to leaving my ds in his bucket seat if he was asleep, but he got picked up the second he woke up.

Poor little baby...
post #8 of 37
11/23/05 at 1:46pm
And heavy, awkward, clunky, annoying things they are too. Especially if you want to pay attention to a baby you're holding in one. All the babies in the family come to events in them (and are taken out immediately or as soon as they wake up). I don't know how their parents can stand the hassle.
post #9 of 37
11/23/05 at 1:48pm
a "bucket style" infant carseat. The kind with the handle.
post #10 of 37
11/23/05 at 2:25pm
That's just so sad! I understand there are lots of reasons mamas feed their babies via bottle, but why not hold your baby? I don't object to those "baby buckets" existing- they can be very useful if your baby fell asleep in the carseat and you don't want to wake him/er, or if you need a safe place to put baby down while attending to another child. It's just so sad when they're overused.
post #11 of 37
11/23/05 at 2:31pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan
And heavy, awkward, clunky, annoying things they are too. Especially if you want to pay attention to a baby you're holding in one. All the babies in the family come to events in them (and are taken out immediately or as soon as they wake up). I don't know how their parents can stand the hassle.
Yes they are clunky and awkward but I loved mine in the winter. It gets REALLY cold here and we have a detached garage. I could leave baby in regular clothing (bulky winter clothing is not safe in a car seat) and put a nice elasticized blanket over the car seat to keep baby warm (blankets that go inside the car seat also are not safe). I could walk outside and just clip baby into the car. Then when we got to our destination I could take the car seat inside, and take baby out and not have to worry about all the bulky winter clothing. I really thought it was great.

We tried a regular car seat for awhile but DD was just too tiny for it and it was so difficult to make her comfortable in it. It would have also made for more fumbling around inside a cold vehicle in the winter.

If DD was sleeping I could leave her in until she woke up if she needed the sleep. I NEVER left her in it awake (except of course while driving in the vehicle!). I always preferred holding her because she kept me warm.
post #12 of 37
11/23/05 at 2:33pm
ITA w/Ruthla
post #13 of 37
11/23/05 at 2:35pm
And she's probably going to have put one of those helmets on her kid b/c his head is going to get flat from being stuck on his back too long...

God, people, hold your baby. It was inside you for nine months, don't you think he wants to be close to you now????
post #14 of 37
11/23/05 at 2:53pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by CountryMom2e
And she's probably going to have put one of those helmets on her kid b/c his head is going to get flat from being stuck on his back too long...

God, people, hold your baby. It was inside you for nine months, don't you think he wants to be close to you now????
:
post #15 of 37
11/23/05 at 2:54pm
Ugh! I have a friend like this. She just had her 2nd eight weeks ago and she does breastfeed but is so detached!! Even as I left the hospital visiting her after she gave birth I was holding the babe and said ok who wants him when I had to go. Both her and her hubby were there and she said oh just put him the bassinet. My heart broke right there. Her first does have a totally flat head because he lived in his bouncy seat and bucket. We go to church together and she leaves him in the bucket. A couple times I asked to hold him and she said no he will start crying, he likes to be alone. I was like WHAT???
post #16 of 37
11/23/05 at 3:16pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by CountryMom2e
And she's probably going to have put one of those helmets on her kid b/c his head is going to get flat from being stuck on his back too long...

God, people, hold your baby. It was inside you for nine months, don't you think he wants to be close to you now????

A HELMET?

they make helmets for kids with flat heads?

my neighbors son has a flat head but its crooked at the same time. it worries me that he will get picked on.

do they make helmets to *fix* a crooked flat head?
post #17 of 37
11/23/05 at 3:20pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by mammafish78
A HELMET?

they make helmets for kids with flat heads?

my neighbors son has a flat head but its crooked at the same time. it worries me that he will get picked on.

do they make helmets to *fix* a crooked flat head?
Yep! A lot of kids have flat heads these days because not only are they in a crib all night, but then they're in their carseat/carrier all day.
post #18 of 37
11/23/05 at 3:20pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthla
That's just so sad! I understand there are lots of reasons mamas feed their babies via bottle, but why not hold your baby? I don't object to those "baby buckets" existing- they can be very useful if your baby fell asleep in the carseat and you don't want to wake him/er, or if you need a safe place to put baby down while attending to another child. It's just so sad when they're overused.
Exactly what I was thinking.


Does she show any signs of PPD? Sometimes I wonder about that when I see new moms who appear detached from their tiny babies.
post #19 of 37
11/23/05 at 3:25pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by wendy1221
Yep! A lot of kids have flat heads these days because not only are they in a crib all night, but then they're in their carseat/carrier all day.
what do these helmets look like? ive never heard about this before!

very intresting!
post #20 of 37
11/23/05 at 3:35pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by mammafish78
what do these helmets look like? ive never heard about this before!

very intresting!
Most babies who need these helmets have congenital irregularities- usually if the baby gets a flat head from lying down too much they can fix it with more tummy time/it may go away on its own when the baby gets mobile.

http://www.cranialtherapies.com/
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Mothering › Forums › Breastfeeding › Lactivism › Breastfeeding mama - NOT holding baby?