Breastfeeding mama - NOT holding baby? - Page 2

[Past_VNE]

The helmets you're talking about are orthotic bands. The misshapen skull is called "positional plagiocephaly." It can be from laying them on their backs too much, like you discuss here, or from poor in-utero placement, from being premature and having a VERY soft skull, from being a multiple birth and being 'squished' and from being in station too long (I met a woman whose baby dropped at 28 weeks and had to wear a band.), among other reasons. Sadly, the most common reason is for just laying them down too much, exacerbated by the SIDS "back to sleep" campaign. http://www.cappskids.org/PlagioFAQ.htm

Another reason for helmets, craniosynostosis. My son was born with this. It's the inutero fusion of one of the growth joints (sutures) in the skull, causing the skull to grow abnormally. This can be cosmetic only, or can lead to a host of other problems including the eyes, jaw, and brain. www.craniosynostosis.net

There are lots of other reasons for helmets: seizures, abnormally large soft spots, various skull/brain surgeries, hydrocephaly, et al.

Just butting in to elaborate on what the helmets are for and as a public service announcement...."Don't judge the mama whose baby has a helmet until you know why!" Sadly, I get judged all the time and am a little touchy about it.

(Not that you mamas were doing any judging!)

[mammafish78]

i am verrrry familiar with helmets for seizures....very.

i was unaware of a helmet/band for the 'back to sleep' babies.

thanks for the information on this!

but ill save all this for a different post ive already gotten off subject here, dont want to steal the thread!

[Gidget]

I wonder too if she has ppd maybe. Now, I am in no way saying that every mom who won't hold her child is depressed. Some really are just crappy selfish parents. But I know that as a person who sufferes from depression, there are really low points in my life where it has taken too much energy and strength to hold and cuddle my kids. There were times when I literally wanted to shove them out of my lap because I just could not take any kind of neediness. And I do love my kids with all my heart and really enjoy cuddling and kissing them and inhaling thier sweetness. But on my very low days(weeks, months) I can barely stand having them near me. It also affects my parenting in all areas and there are times I literally have to force myself up to get ready for work. Recently I have started treatment and things are looking better for us all.

[velcromom]

Babies born early can also end up with positional plagiocephaly very easily because their little skulls are even softer and more malleable than full term babies.

I can't fathom how a mom can resist the instinct to carry and snuggle her babe (barring ppd or any other kind of depression, that I know can derail things), the urge to be near my ds was so strong I had no desire to be apart from him for the first year... it makes me wonder if the maternal instinct is simply lacking in some women? I know this is the case with some animals. There are some that just don't seem as invested or interested in their offspring as others.

[quaz]

A flat spot on the head where it isn't severe enough for the child to need a helmet can also happen for a variety of reasons... B/c of All the time dd spent nestled in my arm b/c she wanted to be held in a certain position, she ended up with a flat spot.

[Devaskyla]

There are lots of other reasons for helmets: seizures, abnormally large soft spots, various skull/brain surgeries, hydrocephaly, et al.

Ds1 had a huge soft spot, so much the ob made a pedi look at it. I'm not sure what a helmet would have done for it, but nothing was ever suggested.

t makes me wonder if the maternal instinct is simply lacking in some women? I know this is the case with some animals. There are some that just don't seem as invested or interested in their offspring as others.

If I'm remembering rightly, animals who weren't parented and those who were badly parented had no idea how to parent. With all of the CIO/spoiling crap a lot of us were subjected to as babies, it's hardly a surprise that there are a lot of bad parents out there. I know parenting/being attached doesn't come at all naturally to me (I was adopted and spent my first 6 weeks in a hospital because of IUGR). I really have to deliberately work at paying attention to my kids. I think I could have so easily been one of those bucket moms, but I've deliberately chosen a different path. Most people don't put that much thought into their parenting, imo.

[desertpenguin]

My sil's dd has a square shaped head from being a bucket baby. Even during the brief period when sil was bfing, she only held her dd long enough to nurse her and that was about it. She's never payed much attention to any of her kids, but for some reason her other two dc didn't end up with plagiocephaly while her dd did, even though she's supposedly held more often cuz she's the girl? Weird. Anyways, a lot of her detachment from her dc I think has to do with past emotional/verbal/sexual abuse that she's only recently started receiving any counseling for.

[hunnybumm]

It's so sad when I see mommas leaving their babies in the buckets. But we have to remember that breastfeeding doesn't mean AP. A lot of woman BF but don't practice any sort of attachment parenting. Odviously this mom is being told she will spoil her child by holding it too much, so she is probably feeling pressure to not hold the baby. AND she may even feel judged if she holds the baby in public thinking that everyone is thinking "Oh, look at her spoiling that baby."

[frowningfrog]

Thats so sad ...I cant even imagine not holding my baby for that long..
geez I still nag at my 9 yr old DD to come snuggle with me and I am always after my 16 mo old DD to hug and kiss her ......I guess some people cannot be bothered....very sad for that baby

[Jane]

I like the removeable infant car seats, AKA "baby buckets" - they are really useful for carrying a sleeping baby in for a quick errand and back to the car w/o waking the baby. It's also a nice clean portable environment for the baby instead of the restaurant bench seat or the supermarket basket.

I hate to see adults kicking the seat to rock it though, trying to settle the baby with motion, but not paying attention.

[mammafish78]

Originally Posted by Apricot

they are really useful for carrying a sleeping baby in for a quick errand and back to the car w/o waking the baby.

[liberal_chick]

Originally Posted by Apricot

I hate to see adults kicking the seat to rock it though, trying to settle the baby with motion, but not paying attention.

I'm guilty of doing the whole kick to calm thing, but I'm always paying attention. He always seems to get upset at the post office, so that's usually where I do it. But I'm singing and talking to him the whole time that I'm rocking the seat.

M.

[AngelBee]

So sad...

[rmzbm]

I actually knew someone who left the child, not only in the seat - but in the CAR!! She's go out periodically & see if he was still sleeping. Winter, too.

[hunnybumm]

Originally Posted by rmzbm

I actually knew someone who left the child, not only in the seat - but in the CAR!! She's go out periodically & see if he was still sleeping. Winter, too.

Umm.. can we say CPS? That is way way way not ok. It's one thing to leave a child in the car to run in and grab something from the house (I have done this many times), but geeze! And besides that a child can go from sleeping to freaking out in 0.2 seconds. One time I tried to bring in grocery's from the car while DS (he was about 18 months) was in the car, I didn't want to wake him up before I emptied out the car. I brought one load in and when I came back he was crying hystericaly.

[artgoddess]

Okay so now I get it when someone says the buckets are bad. I never understood before why it would be a bad thing to easily be able to carry a sleeping baby from the car to the houser without waking them.

[BabyDakota]

Hey ladies. Let's stop beating around the bush with these types of moms. I am taking a vow, right now, to tell em off! I can be sweet and gentle, but I have no problem telling someone like it is. If it is someone I know I would of course be gentle at first, but if it kept up... With a stranger, well we will see what happens when the situation might arise... Luckily, right now, all the moms I know rock!!