'Secondary' infertility issues & questions (long) UPDATED

[BCmamaof6]

DEC 5 update I'M PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah...I know it could still be ectopic...but I am obviously not infertile!!! Stupid Doctor!
I feel bad even posting this here because I know some of you have yet to conceive your first baby...and here I am with 5 already...but...I feel so depressed I need to unload somewhere...

scroll down- I updated after my first apt.

My husband and I had always wanted to have 7 children. (I come from a large family also). Although we have lost 2 babies along the way, we managed to 'get' the 5 we have with relative ease. We had wanted our last few to be close together as I really enjoyed tandem nursing & have found that our closest 2 (in age) are also the closest relationship-wise.

We were trying to conceive from when our (now 35 month old) was 10 months old. Although there have been a few months in the last 2 years that we haven't 'tried'...most of that time has been spent 'trying'...and I mean really trying...charting, timing, expensive OPKs, saliva-testing, herbal & vitamin, etc.
And I still cannot seem to get pregnant. We have had several months where I've thought FOR SURE it would happen...timing, everything was PERFECT, but just a BFN!

I have had pain on my right side (the same side as a previous ectopic pregnancy & multiple ovarian cysts) for years...it used to be just with ovulation...but now it's pretty much constant.
A year & a half ago I was also hospitalized with severe pain...they did a laprascopy (sp?) & said that there was inflamation, an infection & multiple cysts. They did tests & said that they had no idea what could have caused the infection...(everything came back negative)...although I wondered if the 'Keeper' (tampon/pad alternative) could have been a factor...?

I had always assumed that we would have more babies & had dreams of a baby boy for years... 'he' has a name, a face & is as real to me as our other children (I'm sorry if that sounds stupid). Ocean William (as he would be called) has boxes (literally) of clothes, enough cloth diaper stuff to diaper twins or even triplets, the best baby carriers, etc. Most of it I bought over the last few years...a little at a time while trying to conceive...I'm ashamed to admit that I've spent $$$ on the 'perfect stash', ocean-themed baby clothes, etc. all the while believing that any day I would get pregnant & we'd have 'him'. (I must add that we'd be thrilled with another daughter, too...but I really believed that we were meant to have a : next)

My husband is convinced that for whatever reason I'm now infertile...and is okay with that. He feels that whatever will be will be. And that if we are destined to have another baby then that baby will come 'naturally' & that we won't have to do anything to interfere with 'nature'. (I could kill him for that)
He has insisted that I get rid of all of the baby 'stuff' that we have that we'll "probably never get to use".

I know I should be content with the 5 beautiful children that I have...but I can't help feeling like there is a little person missing from our life...
Maybe I'm greiving the 2 babies that we lost...?

I have an appointment this week to go & get tests done to see if we can determine what the problem is...but my husband is 100% unwilling for us to try anything like clomid, IVF, etc. no matter what they tests say.

(And in my heart I know that there is indeed something wrong...I just don't know what)

I can't even put into words how sad and empty I feel...and I know I shouldn't feel so selfish...that there are so many people who would give anything for just one baby...and here I am crying about wanting a 6th...

Sorry that was so long...thanks for letting me unload...

[vermonttaylors]

to you mama. There is no need to apologize. Not being able to conceive sucks no matter when it happens or how many kids you have! I understand completely. Finding out what is wrong will help because you will have all the information. Then you can discuss realities with your dh, not just fears. Information is power and once you know what the deal is, you will be able to make a plan.

If it is the worst case scenario, then you will have to think long and hard about what you want to do. Grieving is natural, normal and healthy if this happens. Let yourself feel your sadness fully. It will help you to move beyond the dissapointment.

Let us know what happens and know that we are here for you. This board is for people with infertility issues of all colors, not just for those who have never had children.

Good Luck!

[BCmamaof6]

Had my first (of many) appointments today...
My family doctor seems to think that I am infertile.
We will be starting with a Pap smear, pelvic exam, ultrasound...
then moving onto the OB with a recommendation of exploratory surgery, and a long name (basically dye injected into the womb & followed by x-ray, if I understand it correctly)

Anyone know what kind of tests would be beneficial?
What they do to determine if one is truly infertile?
What kinds of fertility treatments are available? (My DR thinks the problem may be severe scarring & blockage due to a previous ectopic pregnancy, surgery, ovarian cysts, & an ovarian/tubal infection)

I'd like to be armed with some good information for my next appointment...

[vermonttaylors]

The test with the dye is called a hysterosalpinogram (sp?) and it is standard procedure in determining what is causing your fertility issues. Start there and then see what happens.

By the way, take some Motrin before you have it. Mine was painful. Although after giving birth 5 times, you probably won't even notice the exam.

Good Luck mama!

Cheers!

[mumm]

First, I'm sorry. It just sucks, no two ways about it. Doesn't matter how many children you have if your family feels incomplete. I know I feel better in cycle when I am "doing something" about it.

Originally Posted by BCmamaof5

What they do to determine if one is truly infertile?

I don't think they can ever truly determine this. I know a woman who had IVF 10 times without luck,was told she would never be able to have children, only to end up Pg by accident, twice!

Good luck on hysterosalpingogram. Keep us up-to date on how the battle goes.

[meowee]

This might give you some hope... I also wanted a large family, always did. I conceived #1 and #2 easily, too easily actually as one was conceived while trying to avoid. Then I desperately wanted #3. I had baby hunger really, really, really bad. I just didn't conceive. I charted, used herbs, timed BD, everything. It was coming up on 2 years and I was going nuts. We were just starting to look into infertility treatments when I conceived. I started bleeding heavily at exactly 12 weeks of that pregnancy but it was not a miscarriage-- it was a subchorionic hemhorage (sp). My baby was born full term weighing 6 pounds (my other were all 8.5+). I have no idea to this day why it took so long to conceive and why the pregnancy was troubled and why she was born small.

So anyway, I figured, I was not that fertile anymore, since it took 2 years to conceive #3, so when my periods resumed we didn't use birth control. I conceived #4 in one cycle. I had the same mindset when period resumed again. But same thing-- I conceived #5 in one cycle.

So it is possible to have a temporary dip in fertility only to have it come back with a vengeance. I don't want to give you false hope, but that is my story.

BTW I think your DH should support you no matter what, even if you want to go all out with treatments. It's a cruel thing to deny a woman a child she desperately wants, no matter how many kids you have.

[mykdsmomy]

OP, I could have written your post.... We're doing the clomid thing right now....(havent done the hsg yet because our insurance wont cover it). good luck and I know how difficult this is!!!!

[OTMomma]

I just started seeing an OB for secondary infertility issues. We are starting with blood work to check my hormone levels, as that seems to be my problem (though heaven only knows). I have one healthy little girl who keeps asking for a little brother or sister, she's 3. We've been ttc for about 16 months now.

Doesnt it just seem wrong to be labled "infertile" when you've already given birth? And it seems wrong some how to complain, when like you said, there are those struggleing to concieve just one. I'm not scolding you at all, just saying I understand and feel that way too.

If you are a spiritual person, I recommend prayer as a way to help find peace. I know its helped me a lot. Praying for a baby hasn't worked, but praying for the strength to deal with not having a baby has helped me a lot. Did that make sense?

I hope all your tests and doctor's visits go well and that you have good informitive doctors who answer all your questions.

peace,
Laura

[monocyte]

Originally Posted by BCmamaof5

then moving onto the OB with a recommendation of exploratory surgery, and a long name (basically dye injected into the womb & followed by x-ray, if I understand it correctly)

Anyone know what kind of tests would be beneficial?
What they do to determine if one is truly infertile?
What kinds of fertility treatments are available? (My DR thinks the problem may be severe scarring & blockage due to a previous ectopic pregnancy, surgery, ovarian cysts, & an ovarian/tubal infection)

.

I had an hsg after tcc for at least a year and a half -quite frankly, it was the worst pain I could ever imagine. They didnt find a blockage per say, but, the doc thinks that there might have been some mucus or something blocking that was pushed out by the dye. I did get pregnant the same month !!

But, even on 2 valium (which they gave me on the morning of), I was still there, feeling everything! I know some say that you can get crampy and all, but, it was horrible! I was scared to death to labor after that - but, a natural labor was a piece of cake compare to this! I ended up with a fever, horrible cramping that didnt come and go, it was non stop, vomiting, etc. I think I just had a bad reaction to the dye. My RE also gave me an antibiotic to take since I was so sick, he was afraid I was getting some sort of infection (something about putting a metal tube into your cervix (through your vagina, none the less) while inserting a dye doesnt sound sanitary to me.)

So, in my unprofessional opinion, HSG is a worth wild test, but, I dont know for sure if I'd do it again. Not without an epidural, LOL.

Please dont let me scare you away (gosh, I made it seem like death...) Most women have mild cramping and are fine within a few hours. I think I was just an extreme.

If I was in your shoes, I might be willing to undergo the exploratory surgery, but only after an hsg shows a blockage/abnormality. Ectopic pregnancys can cause scarring, so that might be what is wrong. Hopefully that is something that can be reversed.

I wish you the best mama. It is such a lonely feeling...we are going through it again...it is ok to want more kids. I know what you mean...
to you mama!

[Pookietooth]

Infertility hurts, no matter when it occurs. Oh, and an HSG hurts literally! I took a valium too, and it hurt me anyway, too. One thing I've heard is that some women spontaneously become pg after an HSG -- it sort of clears things out (didn't happen for me). I went ahead with fertility tx even though dh was opposed, and I think sometimes he still resents that, because he never really wanted kids. That's a whole other story though...

[BCmamaof6]

I have to wait until the middle of December for my next appointment. It'll be weeks after that before they can even get me in for an ultrasound.

[monocyte]

It is frustrating. Tick toc, tick toc.

Hang in there mama!

[~*~Carrie~*~]

Hey guys, thanks for answering all my questions even though I didn't ask any. I am also going for a HSG sometime at the end of this week, waiting for receptionist to call me with the appt time. I am nervous as heck. My doctor also said that it can sometimes aid in a woman getting pregnant after the test. I am hoping that it will for me.

[monocyte]

Originally Posted by ~*~Carrie~*~

Hey guys, thanks for answering all my questions even though I didn't ask any. I am also going for a HSG sometime at the end of this week, waiting for receptionist to call me with the appt time. I am nervous as heck. My doctor also said that it can sometimes aid in a woman getting pregnant after the test. I am hoping that it will for me.

It did work for me!!

[Cherub-lori]

It does indeed hurt when you long deeply for a baby no matter how many you have and then to grieve deeply over lost babies can almost cause you to give up hope. BUT your baby is in the hands of God , and we shall all pray for a healthy happy baby to be born into your hands.