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Advice on trama from unwanted natural birth.... - Page 2

post #21 of 56
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inca
My impression from reading your story is that you are not actually feeling trauma because you didn't get the epidural . The trauma is from people not taking your pain and situation seriously. Throughout your labor they continue to disrespect your wishes - like making you lie on a bed even though you ask to be able to move around. They use force to hold your arm and do an invasive IV. All the way through you are treated like a "birthmachine" - not a human being in pain. To do a natural birth and to be able to deal with the pain you need support and you need to feel respected and listened to. And the staff at the hospital where you had your birth certainly didn't. I am sure if someone had taken the time to sit down, look you in the eyes and say "you can do this - we believe in you" then you would not have this feeling of things going wrong. IT sounds like noone took the time to sit down and actually BE with you during your transition labor - and noone took you seriously even when you were begging for them to listen.
I am so sorry that you were treated this way and I would very much like to stress that it is not your fault. It seems to me that up until you were exposed to insensitive hospital staff you were managing your labor like a pro.
All my warmest thoughts to you..
Inca

ITA - I think you were caught in a situation where maybe it was too late to get an epi, and the staff should have offered you more support under the circumstances. But instead they just treated you like a machine, like Inca said. I know when my birth didn't turn out like I wanted, one thing that made it bearable was my Dr.'s support and respectful attitude. I'm sorry the staff didn't treat you more like a human being the way you deserved to be treated.
post #22 of 56
Mama, you ROCK! Look at everything you did....

You progressed to 7 cm while smiling, laughing, and having a good time with friends and family.

You instinctively knew you wanted to be up moving around and trying different positions during labor. YOU knew what to do and asserted your wishes... it was the ignorant and callous hospital staff that strapped you into that bed. Things started getting rough at this point because the staff defied your wishes and did not respect you as a human being, not because you did anything wrong!

At the worst moment... when you were told there was no way you could get an epidural, the baby would be arriving unexpectedly soon, and while you were still reeling form this shock, you had to endure being held down to have an IV forcibly inserted (an IV you really didn't need since the baby was almost there and you weren't getting an epi anyway!)... Yet, what did you do? You did not fall apart! YOU figured out how to calm yourself down and get the assistance you needed. YOU asked your support people to sing to you and YOU managed to bring yourself under control, focus and push that beautiful baby out! That is such a phenomenal accomplishment!

So, yes, get angry about the way you were treated and grieve that you did not get the birth experience you wanted and deserved... But also don't forget to feel PROUD of yourself for the awesome job you did!

I had an unexpectedly fast labor with my first. I had planned for a ncb all along, had my dh there questioning medical decisions, my doula helping to calm and talk sense into me when things started spinning out of control, a staff and dr that were respectful and treated me like a responsible adult, and I got to hold my baby immediately. But it was still intense and shocking! It doesn't take "bravery" to do what I did with all the help and support I received.

Pulling it together and singing your baby out after suffering shocks and being treated horribly.... now THAT's brave!

Congrats on your new baby!
post #23 of 56
You are amazing! You've given me the absolute confidence to know I can go through this birth (my third) at home with no epidural. Thank you so much.

My first two were hospital births, the first 5 hours and the second 2.5 hours, both with epidurals but with the second, the epidural didn't work so I know exactly what you went though, with those out of control pain feelings.

I am sorry you didn't receive the respect you so richly deserved (and earned) from the hospital staff. Maybe there is a way you could contact the hospital ombudsman and lodge a complaint? It may help others mamas in the future and will help you to feel empowered.
post #24 of 56
Quote:
Preparation might have been the missing factor for you
Hospitals should be more honest with their patients that the sacred epidural may not be available.

It was not your fault.

It is the fault of those you trusted and who betrayed you by not honoring your desires and needs.

They simply went on with the necessary procedures and treated you like a piece of meat. You were not prepared for the sensations you experienced and they were not willing to deal with you.
post #25 of 56
Quote:
Originally Posted by applejuice
Hospitals should be more honest with their patients that the sacred epidural may not be available.
I definitely agree here, and with Inca's post as well. Two of my friends planned anesthesia during labor. The first opted for a saddle block (this was ~15 years ago, more commonly done then) and it was FOUR times before it finally took. She ended up with a C-sxn anyway. The other was my best friend who knew from the beginning she would have an epidural. She made absolutely no preparations for the possibility of her managed birth not being quite so managed. She presented to the hospital on her induction day already in labor, so they whacked her up with pitocin anyway. : Her epidural failed FIVE times and only partially took literally when she was pushing her baby out. She was terrified, in completely unknown territory with an ass (in this case her DH) in the labor room with her, and had no coping mechanism in place to deal with the force of what was occurring. She started bleeding out heavily at the end and her BP went down into low double digits. She said that she actually felt herself leave her body and was watching from above, and that what brought her back was her DH screaming, "What about the baby?! What about the baby?!" She said she was so mad at him for not giving a flip about her that she had to "come back" to tell him off. She swore off the possibility of having any more children after that experience--she is simply too scared and traumatized to go through that again.


I had an unmedicated VBAC in 2004 and it was tough, no question! But I had a midwife right down in my face with me calmly speaking words of encouragement and empowerment the whole time I was in transition. Your doc was doing the exact opposite of encouraging and empowering you, rather he was stripping away your resolve, dignity and faith in yourself to make it through. The comment about calling you cute after the stitch would have found me swinging my unepiduraled feet towards his crotch. : What a jerk!
post #26 of 56
Oh, and the icing on the cake was him questioning your specific medical requests right then and there in such a dismissive manner. It is YOUR right as a mother to decide the medical procedures for your children, not his to claim that you're questioning the "whole medical establishment." Not that you had a lot of faith in them anyway after your experience.
post #27 of 56
Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkHorseMama
Her epidural failed FIVE times and only partially took literally when she was pushing her baby out.
In Down Came The Rain, by Brooke Shields, she complained repeatedly that her epidural was not doing its job and communicating with her anesthesiologist was next to impossible since he had a thick accent and kept telling her the epidural was in properly and working properly.

Later, someone else checked on it and asked her how much pain she felt 0-10, and I 'think' she said 7, and another anesthesiologist put it in properly since it was not in properly and could not do its job.

She finally got relief...I am going to assume this happens alot without many mothers complaining about it.

There is so much to do when you go home with the baby that you either get busy with the work or collapse under its weight. Few women take the time to complain about the terrible way they are treated during labor. Life tends to go on.

FRankly I would write a letter to the hospital, to the doctor, and maybe to your local papers and medical regulating board. It will make you feel better, if nothing else.
post #28 of 56
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamajama
The process of giving birth felt, to me like walking a thin veil, for a while between life and death.
The 'valley of death', as it is called by some....

A friend of mine, whose baby was born stillborn, described the experience as birth/life/death all in one moment and she felt as though time stood still for a long time as she held her beautiful, but lifeless, child in her arms.

She said the Universe just stood still for her.
post #29 of 56
OMG! I thought I was the only one! I actually planned a natural birth with #3. My first baby, I read constantly, but unfourtunatley only mainstream stuff so I thought I was prepared. Back then I was very young and on medicade and they refused me the epi, just gave demerol in the IV, they broke my water very early and without my consent, they hooked me up to about five diffrent monitors tying me to the bed and on top of it all I had the flu and I was strapped down so I vomitted onto the floor as best I could lean over (after telling them I had to and being told to wait) and had diareah all over myself. It was horrible. Healing from the episiotomy was worse than the birth.

Fastforward 11 years and I had my second, I got the epi but made sure she broke the water herself. I had done some better research this time and I used some good coping skills early on, upright position, rocking, etc. but she had meconium staining. I had been promised no episiotomy unless necesary burt was given one again, without my consent or even knowledge. I healed better and faster, I think the cut wasnt as deep. I also suffered horribly from the aftercontractions, they took the epi away immediatly after birth and left the pitocin drip for hours. (They also left me alone all bloody and weak, thank god I had my family there). I asked my doc, next time can we skip the pitocin? He said no, standard procedure, everyone gets one. I really didnt want the pitocin. I watched the video, she was so limp and lifeless and they suctioned her forevery. My reserach, which I finally did in great deapth, told me that babies who arent suctioned actually have BETTER outcomes! And I found that the epi was probally responsible for the staining and for dd not wanted to nurse for weeks after birth.

So there I was with #3 and a midwife. Did I prepare? No, I thought well hell the pain didnt get bad, bad until right before the eip and it was only an hour or so after that that I had her so I can deal. I mean, I had the first with just demerol and that really didnt seem to do much for the pain, I can handle it.

I couldnt. And my midwives and dh were wonderful. I wouldnt let them break my water, thanks to my experiances with #1 so for an hour he tried to come down and couldnt, once I let them do AROM, he came within minutes. So the worst hour was avoidable, but live and learn, right? With my first they did the local before the episiotomy and with the second I had an epi so I never felt the actual birth. It is like being ripped in half. Once he was out, I just wanted to be left alone, I felt like a wounded animal. I kept waiting for that rush of endorphins I keep reading about. No. I was in shock, I took him and nursed him because I was suppose to, but I had no feelings beyond great relief that it was over and wanting to be left alone. The endorphin rush, the high feeling never came. I felt violated, I felt like great violence had been done, I felt betrayed that it wasnt this wonderful experiance that I keep reading about from others. I just knew I couldnt do it again. Yet I did heal amazingly quickly and easily. The baby was alert, healthy. I knew it was better. He was 10'6 and barely fit out, I have no doubt that in a hospital he would have been a csection becasue when I said "I cant" my midwives said "you can" but a hospital would have said "epidural" and at that point, I would have taken it and if he barely fit out when I was on all fours, no way he was coming out flat on my back. So I know it was better. But still I said "I cant do it again, I cant" to the point where I thought I didnt want that fourth child we had planned afterall.

I looked everywhere for someone who felt the same and could not find them. Everyone who had birth trauma had it from interventions and everyone who had natural loved it. So then I wondered what the heck was wrong with ME? I had ppd for the first time.

He is ten months old now and I just now think ok, yeah, I could have another baby, but Im still not sure I want to go through that pain then I feel guilty because I know its whats best for the baby. And really for me. I mean you trade that pain for a much easier and faster recovery time as well as an active alert baby. Also my sil just had a baby and talking to her reminds me of stuff, like her baby has jaundice and of course he had the vit k shot. My third was the only one of mine who had no shot and no jaundice. Coincidence? I think not.

But long story just to say God, I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL!! And to say, it does pass, you really do need time to process. I just now am starting to really feel good about it. Or at least not bad.

But there is light at the end of the tunnel. I think you did an amazing job under the circumstances and you need to hear that, and believe it!
post #30 of 56
I was induced at 36 weeks with my second child about a month ago. My first born was born via c-section, but I did have 9 hours of labor with him. I heard inductions cause harder labors, but my first child's labor was worse in my opinion. We had planned on a vbac and everything was going smoothly. I was dilating quickly and the pain suddenly got very intense.

Only 4 hours into the labor I begged for an epidural (I had planned on using meds like you). The nurse checked me and told me I was about 8cms and that the epi would take 45 minutes to get there! Needless to say, the baby came before the epidural and he was born naturally. I was shocked that I did it and felt excellent. Compared to my c-section, this was a brreze. I feel great for doing it, almost like Superwoman!
post #31 of 56
Hug

Congrats on your healthy new baby!

I'm sorry you had such a traumatic time in the hospital. It doesn't sound like you were respected or supported while you were in there. I can't even imagine what it must have been like to be forced into bed in late labor, and not be free to walk around or get into the most comfortable position!
post #32 of 56
this is such a beautiful birth story, sorry it wasn't what you planned- as for birthing with more grace, I am not sure that is always possible, it seems that you did resolve yourself in time to go with the flow and you knew what you wanted-- I sang with #2 he was born in 1 hr- 1/2 hr was spent in the car driving to the hospital-- singing really helped me- but trying to get people to pay attention or listen to me at the hospital was really stressful- when I buzzed and said the baby is coming they told me no , contractions weren't strong enough but someone did come in and decided I was right but did not just stop and help me there on that table they moved me to a gurney- which was really scary, and then to the table another scary moment where I though the baby would end up falling onto the floor -- everything became a scary blur and I did not like that. the burning helps you slow down so you wouldn't tear.
how I processed my first 2 hospital births was to have contact with other women and talk about my birth experience and the other thing I did was learn alot more about birth
I would also say that some of what you experienced would be called transition where the last bit of cervix goes away and the uterus changes gears to pushing contractions-- in many births this is can be the most disorienting and stressful time where women feel really out of control- sometimes a shower or getting into a birth tub can really help-- some sort of soothing change .
post #33 of 56
Quote:
Originally Posted by Benji'sMom
ITA - I think you were caught in a situation where maybe it was too late to get an epi, and the staff should have offered you more support under the circumstances. But instead they just treated you like a machine, like Inca said. I know when my birth didn't turn out like I wanted, one thing that made it bearable was my Dr.'s support and respectful attitude. I'm sorry the staff didn't treat you more like a human being the way you deserved to be treated.
I have to agree. instead of just ignoring you, they could have prepared you for it, or offered you other options! Regardless, I agree with PP who said you can include yourself now as one BRAVE mama! So proud of you!
post #34 of 56
I am so sorry that you were treated that way. I think the whole thing was out of control & you must be reeling from ALL of it, I would be. But...yay for your DH for saying that!! Um, yeah, they could be all wrong, and in this case...well, they were WRONG on alot of levels!!
post #35 of 56

I'm sorry it didn't go the way you planned.

My only thought would be to give yourself some space to imagine the other possibilities. As you well know, getting the epidural doesn't fix everything, perhaps if you reimagined her birth in a way where your needs were met, you would see some things that are the same in both stories and get comfort from that.

-- You go girl - no antibiotics, hepB, or VitK! You are a strong mama, especially since you gave birth in a military hospital.
post #36 of 56
Quote:
Originally Posted by assenavadnama
I feel great for doing it, almost like Superwoman!
I always felt like for a couple of days after birth at home!!
post #37 of 56
I had an unwanted sort of natural birth as well (the anesthesiologist purposely screwed up the epi so it worked for about 20 minutes and then nothing and refused to check it or top it up) and I was mad about why it was "natural" (really I should say "without pain medication" but yeah) not so much that it was. After awhile, I was fine with it, and now I'm completely fine with it. I think you just need some time to absorb it all.
post #38 of 56
I was very disappointed in my first birth, mainly because of the way the staff treated me. I finally wrote a strongly worded letter and sent it to the hospital. I never heard from them - but writing the letter gave me my "power" back, so to speak, and I felt so much better from that point on. Even if you write a letter and end up tearing it into bits, it might help you feel better about this.
post #39 of 56
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anglyn
OMG! I thought I was the only one! I actually planned a natural birth with #3. My first baby, I read constantly, but unfourtunatley only mainstream stuff so I thought I was prepared. Back then I was very young and on medicade and they refused me the epi, just gave demerol in the IV, they broke my water very early and without my consent, they hooked me up to about five diffrent monitors tying me to the bed and on top of it all I had the flu and I was strapped down so I vomitted onto the floor as best I could lean over (after telling them I had to and being told to wait) and had diareah all over myself. It was horrible. Healing from the episiotomy was worse than the birth.

Fastforward 11 years and I had my second, I got the epi but made sure she broke the water herself. I had done some better research this time and I used some good coping skills early on, upright position, rocking, etc. but she had meconium staining. I had been promised no episiotomy unless necesary burt was given one again, without my consent or even knowledge. I healed better and faster, I think the cut wasnt as deep. I also suffered horribly from the aftercontractions, they took the epi away immediatly after birth and left the pitocin drip for hours. (They also left me alone all bloody and weak, thank god I had my family there). I asked my doc, next time can we skip the pitocin? He said no, standard procedure, everyone gets one. I really didnt want the pitocin. I watched the video, she was so limp and lifeless and they suctioned her forevery. My reserach, which I finally did in great deapth, told me that babies who arent suctioned actually have BETTER outcomes! And I found that the epi was probally responsible for the staining and for dd not wanted to nurse for weeks after birth.

So there I was with #3 and a midwife. Did I prepare? No, I thought well hell the pain didnt get bad, bad until right before the eip and it was only an hour or so after that that I had her so I can deal. I mean, I had the first with just demerol and that really didnt seem to do much for the pain, I can handle it.

I couldnt. And my midwives and dh were wonderful. I wouldnt let them break my water, thanks to my experiances with #1 so for an hour he tried to come down and couldnt, once I let them do AROM, he came within minutes. So the worst hour was avoidable, but live and learn, right? With my first they did the local before the episiotomy and with the second I had an epi so I never felt the actual birth. It is like being ripped in half. Once he was out, I just wanted to be left alone, I felt like a wounded animal. I kept waiting for that rush of endorphins I keep reading about. No. I was in shock, I took him and nursed him because I was suppose to, but I had no feelings beyond great relief that it was over and wanting to be left alone. The endorphin rush, the high feeling never came. I felt violated, I felt like great violence had been done, I felt betrayed that it wasnt this wonderful experiance that I keep reading about from others. I just knew I couldnt do it again. Yet I did heal amazingly quickly and easily. The baby was alert, healthy. I knew it was better. He was 10'6 and barely fit out, I have no doubt that in a hospital he would have been a csection becasue when I said "I cant" my midwives said "you can" but a hospital would have said "epidural" and at that point, I would have taken it and if he barely fit out when I was on all fours, no way he was coming out flat on my back. So I know it was better. But still I said "I cant do it again, I cant" to the point where I thought I didnt want that fourth child we had planned afterall.

I looked everywhere for someone who felt the same and could not find them. Everyone who had birth trauma had it from interventions and everyone who had natural loved it. So then I wondered what the heck was wrong with ME? I had ppd for the first time.

He is ten months old now and I just now think ok, yeah, I could have another baby, but Im still not sure I want to go through that pain then I feel guilty because I know its whats best for the baby. And really for me. I mean you trade that pain for a much easier and faster recovery time as well as an active alert baby. Also my sil just had a baby and talking to her reminds me of stuff, like her baby has jaundice and of course he had the vit k shot. My third was the only one of mine who had no shot and no jaundice. Coincidence? I think not.

But long story just to say God, I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL!! And to say, it does pass, you really do need time to process. I just now am starting to really feel good about it. Or at least not bad.

But there is light at the end of the tunnel. I think you did an amazing job under the circumstances and you need to hear that, and believe it!

My third birth was a homebirth without interventions and I too was traumatized. It took me days to recover. I didn't get the endorphin high with that birth either. It was just so fast, I felt like I had been hit by a truck by the time the baby came out. It was horrible. I don't regret having him at home because at the hospital there wouldn't have been time for an epidural anyway, the labor was just an hour, and who knows what they could have possibly done to us at the hospital with the way DS's heart rate took a dive and never recovered between contractions toward the end. But that birth was sooooo different than my other ones. It was terrifying and terribly painful and I was totally out of control. With my other births, especially my other homebirth, I felt so calm and in control. And so wonderful afterwards. With this last one I felt horrible. I was stunned. It was nothing like I had expected.
post #40 of 56
Oh, but what I originally wanted to say was to the OP, I think your feelings are totally understandable. And if I were to take a guess, I think the feelings you have are way more because of how you were treated by the medical staff. I would feel totally defeated after an experience like that. You did so well considering those circumstances, you should be so proud of yourself!
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