4 years into this journey...

[Leslie in Chicago]

Hi all,

I was just reading old posts and was shocked to find one of mine from September '04. I love the resources and support on this site, so I figured I'd check in...

I've written intermittently about my experiences with Clomid cycles and Chinese herbs; both seemed to be working at the time but no prize. As a last-ditch effort to explain my "unexplained" infertility before trying IVF I saw another endocrinologist. She ran all sorts of tests that no one else had, and found that I am extremely insulin resistant (part of the constellation of PCOS issues).

So now I'm on Fortamet (a kind of metformin or glucophage) and daily baby aspirin. I was also switched off of Armour (natural) thyroid and on to Synthroid. Doc says it's more effective with insulin resistance.

The good news is that I've learned more about my health and will be able to avoid diabetes. But we're still not pregnant and frankly I'm having a really tough time finding optimism. DH is ready to begin adoption process.

I've really appreciated all the great info everyone has shared on treatment and diet/nutrition. I wish I could be helpful to all of you. But I guess the truth is that today I'm writing to humbly request a bit of support.

How do you stay optimistic over months and years? I charted for 30 months and I just can't bear to even look at a thermometer anymore. Am I a big wuss because I'm afraid to do IVF? How do you find courage and peace? I'd really love to find a positive mind-set because I know that is supposed to help. Anybody know where I can find one?

hanging on, sort of,
Leslie

[vermonttaylors]

Bless your heart! You have been through sooooo much! How to stay positive? It sounds to me that you are already doing a pretty great job of that merely by hanging in there and not giving up.

You will notice from my sig that we chose the adoption route. We only did one cycle of IVF/ICSI. We were lucky in that our infertility was obvious and there was only one solution to it, ICSI, so we spent no time trying clomid and other stuff. That actually turned out to be a blessing for our sanity. I am always so in awe of those of you brave mamas and mamas-to-be who bravely face tests and different treatments without really knowing if this time it will be the one that works.

Only you know when you will be ready to put this to rest. For us the goal was parenting not pregnancy and we really didn't have our hearts in the ICSI process. I have a dear, dear friend who is recovering from cervical cancer and had to have a hysterectomy (at age 28) and who is also a doula. For her the thought of pregnancy was the magical part and she never thought much beyond that. She is, understandably, profoundly grieved to not be able to get pregnant, but she is ready to put that grief aside and move on. She is even back at work as a doula again. Every woman is different, some need the pregnancy, some don't. However you feel about it is OK.

I never push adoption on people, however, if you are interested in our story please feel free to check out our website It follows the story of both our kids' adoption.

I admire your bravery mama and I wish you and your dh peace and joy in the decisions you have ahead of you.

[celesterra]

HI Leslie,

I would invite you to join us on the Trying To Conceive board, 30+ ttc thread. There are many women who have formed a tight bond around the process of ttc, and it sounds like you'll fit right in.

My story: I have pcos, too, though not with the insulin resistance component. I have been ttc with DH#2 for 5 years now. We have had one ectopic in 2004, then began seeing an RE. We did one medicated cycle (clomid) in 2004, and 4 in spring 2005. None of those worked. Oh, and i have been on metformin since Sept 2004. In July of this year we switched to injectable meds: gonalF and ovidrel with IUI. We got pregnant on that cycle but lost the baby at 9 weeks. We took 2 cycles off and now are using the same protocol.

SO many of us have experienced the pain and frustration of what you are enduring. I hope you will consider joining us. We have a great group, and there are others who have pcos, too.

Feel free to pm me if you just want to talk!

[Pookietooth]

I have PCOS as well. I was on metformin for quite a while, and while it did give me a regular period, I didn't conceive on just the met. I used injectible fertility meds (repronex plus HCG), and an IUI to conceive, but was also on met. Just wanted to mention that met/gluc depletes your B vitamins pretty bad, including folic acid and B12, so make sure you supplement.
I actually got into infertility treatments because I wanted to get on metformin to regulate my periods, and they just assumed I wanted to get pregnant (and I guess deep down I did, but didn't want to push for it since DH wasn't all that hip to it). I am still dealing with it, by the way, even with one child. It doesn't stop! I still hate being infertile and am sick of hearing about women on their third pregnancies since my ds was born!

[Leslie in Chicago]

thank you, Pookietooth, Celesterra & Vermonttaylors

Your notes are so thoughtful and supportive--and useful. I really appreciate the info on folic/B-vitamins and will be sure to supplement regularly. Vermont: my husband's cousin and his wife are waiting to adopt from Kazakhstan--what a small world. Your website is beautiful!

I'm very curious about your experiences with injectibles. That would be our next step in treatment. How bad/good was it? Of course I hate needles (who doesn't) but I'm even more concerned about side effects. It's marvelous that you got preggers, Pookietooth. And I'm hoping for the same for you, Celesterra.

I'll check out the 30+ thread, too.

Sooooooo very glad to know I'm not alone in this struggle. thanks so much for taking the time/effort to respond. I really appreciate it!!

Leslie

[Ary99]

Hi Leslie,

I'm seconding the invite to the ttc board 30 (although I don't know how old you are, it doesn't matter, you sound like one of us)+ttc over a year.

We are unexplained, and I wonder if I shouldn't have visited an endo at some point. Everything though, seems to be in working order except it is extremely EXTREMELY difficult for us to get-and stay-pregnant.

After 3 1/2 years of Clomid, IUIs, and a failed ICSI/IVF, we got pg on our own and have our son. Last October we got pg again, but lost the baby.

IVF is not fun, but things have changed since we did it four years ago. The needles aren't quite as huge from what I understand and the process is a little smoother. It's a big undertaking, the appointments, the medications, BUT it does work for some people very well. I have several friends who are pg now from IVF. If it's not something you feel like you can do, it's ok so say you've had enough. It really is.

After 88 cycles of ttc, and one beautiful son, we are back to doing IUIs. I just turned 35 and realize time is not on my side. I have no control over the outcome, but am in a place where I want to try as much as I can before stepping away from all this.

Good luck!