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SAHM's, do you think it is reasonable to expect your SO to stay home from work - Page 2

post #21 of 58
I agree that it depends on the nature of the ilness and the day that you are working.
I was on bedrest for the last three weeks of my pregnancy with my second son... ds1 was newly 2. I have no help outside our home... no family nearby. But my partner had to keep working up to the end for money reasons.
It is awful when you have the flu and have to keep busy young ones entertained somehow. My partner has been known to take a day off here or there for those times. As well as when both kids are sick... or after one of those nights where we are at the hospital multiple times. We can also tell when my one son is ready for his bad day of full on asthma. I don't drive, and the hospital is a 20 min drive away. I have had to find my way to the hospital with my two boys (and take care of my 2 year old while trying to stay at my 4 year olds bedside) That was awful. Or if we have been admitted, my partner will take the next day off to keep the other child with him. He has taken quite a handful of days of previously for this. We don't have any help... and I could probably do it myself... but It takes so much stress off of me to have my partner there.
post #22 of 58
My dh has stayed home before when I was sick & it makes me feel guilty. In all the years I've known him he's stayed home only once himself.
post #23 of 58
I think they should if they can. Having been the bread winner for a while, I have been in the situation where there was a very important meeting or project due. You kind of cross your fingers and hope for the best, hoping what you choose will benefit the ones you love. And you won't get fired, or lose the end-of-year bonus that pays off your credit card.

I would hope to trust my partner enough to be able to discern whether missing work would impact our lives in a stressful way.

When i was working I tried very hard to understand which was which.

I think my dh does the same. That said-- I have no reason to distrust his motives. He's always tried his best to care for us when i was not working. (and i did the same when he was not).

This is a tough one. Sometimes bosses suck really bad, and often companies do not care that there are actual humans involved in crazy working hours.

It comes down to whether I believe my partner cares for me, and/or our kids. Can he come home early? Can he check in with us at lunch? Can he go in a bit later? Will he call a relative to pick up some groceries for me?

If i believe he cares wherher i can manage, I would prob cut him slack. If, perhaps, my experiences have shown me he disrespects my needs , I would not cut him any slack at all. It simply depends on his basic character as a human being.

Only a partner can answer that. Does he want to help me get through a tought time, or does he want me to suffer?
post #24 of 58
It is nice to want them home but this isn't always financially possible.
post #25 of 58
I only ask my dh to stay home if *I* am sick and that means at least partially incapacitated and unable to care for my brood. (Such as when I have a raging fever and body aches or that time I had mastitis so bad I couldn't even get out of bed)
post #26 of 58
DH has stayed home from work once but the truth is I rarely get sick and when I do it's never been so bad that I couldn't care for my kids. I have in the past asked my MIL to take DS1 for me. We can't afford it if he had to take a day off. Thats a lot of money to lose but if he had sick leave then I wouldn't see that the big deal would be.
post #27 of 58
If I'm puking repeatedly or have a migraine (both very incapacitating for me), it's not so much that I ask dh to stay home as that I make him responsible for ds' care. His work has a respite care program that ds can spend the day at on short notice, and our gym often has last-minute slots if there's an important meeting he needs to go in for, and we have friends that can help out in a true emergency (like when I went to the ER with a suspected ectopic).

So. I dump the problem in his lap, go into the bedroom, and close the door (or I'm at the hospital). Usually he chooses to stay home, since he can do work while ds sleeps and plays and he is comfortable with ds' care routine (it wasn't always that way, he had to learn while I was busy puking). I feel no iota of guilt about this. SAHMing is a full-time job and I deserve sick days too.
post #28 of 58
Mine insists...he has generous sick pay though that can be used if any family member is sick or goes to a dr. appt...

Not that it's always totally 100 percent helpful, but he wants to be here if I really need the help. Dizzy, Lightheaded feelings and carrying a baby don't mix, so he'd encourage me to stay in bed!
post #29 of 58
i think it's entirely reasonable if you are so sick you can't care for the kids properly especially if your dh can get the time off. i'd love to know what it's like to be sick and have someone help around the house myself :
post #30 of 58
My DH used to think I was soooo lucky to stay at home. And, although I know it's a privledge, it gets very hard on days. I told him I wanted to go back to school, get my career, so he could stay home with the kids. I did this only for a short time and he was waving the surrender flag at me. Honestly, I think it's harder to stay home than to work. I only did it because I knew it was best for our family.
post #31 of 58
Originally Posted by charmarty
so it can be a little more clear...what constitutes as a major illness in your oponion? I am asking everyone.
It depends on who is sick in our house, as to how major it is. If dh has a sniffle, watch out....the whole house turns upside down to cater to him.
post #32 of 58
I can't think of a time dh has stayed home from work because I was sick. Then again he's never missed work because he was sick either. I tease him that I never have any sick days, I can't call in. I think if I was really ill and could not function enough to take care of my children then I would make him stay home and take care of me and the babies.

I do remember a time when I only had one child, she was abount 6 months and I had terrible food poisoning. She spent most of the day in a play yard, I felt horrible about it later but I was so freaking sick.

I think if dh's are able to take a day off if needed it would really help out sick sahm's. But we all know that doesn't always happen
post #33 of 58
You're allowed to get sick? Moms can't get sick!

My DH has NEVER stayed home from work, but then like a PP said, he'd just make it all the more stressful and more work for me anyways.

With that said, I hardly ever get sick. I haven't been sick since the babe was born *knock on wood*, and before that when I did get sick I'd just loosen up a bit and let the kids veg in front of the tv. :
post #34 of 58
My DH's job wont allow him to stay home even if he is deathly ill. He had food poisening last week and dragged himself to work. It hasnt come up yet, but I highly doubt they would let him stay home if I was sick, because there is no one to fill in for him at work. If I was really sick I would probably just make it a stay on the couch and watch TV day.
post #35 of 58
When I worked in an office, I almost never stayed home from work sick -- there were always projects requiring less mental acuity that I could work on when I was feeling under the weather. Even though I've been sick more often since becoming a mom, there was only one occasion when I felt so sick that I couldn't take care of my daughter in at least a minimal way. On that occasion, my husband offered to take the afternoon off from work, and it was a lifesaver. His work is very flexible, so it's not a problem for them. I just don't like to ask him to do it unless it's really important.
post #36 of 58
my hubby usually can plan ahead if i need him but last minute things are rough because he might have meetings, trips, and such already lined up and people counting on him. I have learned to rely on friends to take my kids who arent sick so i can have extra cuddle time with the sick one. and when everyone is sick my MOMS Club jumps in and provides meals. i know my husband would rather stay home even with sick kids rather then have to go to work, so i dont blame him. thats just life!
post #37 of 58
I don't expect DH to stay home unless I'm really sick, like barely able to drag myself out of bed. On those few times, he hasn't been able to stay home so I've had to call my mom to come help.
post #38 of 58
As we speak, DH is at home b/c I am so sick and so pregnant that I couldn't take one more session of "jump on mummy" with my toddler. I get more upset than he does about staying home. Especially with the new one coming and a limited muber of sick/vacation days.
I figure it is better to have him stay home and keep me from getting so bogged down that I can't keep up for the next week...let alone this week.
Kust my $.02.
post #39 of 58
Yes, I think it's reasonable for dh to stay home if I'm sick. I have to be unable to function sick though.
I've also called him home in the middle of the day when I was very sick and couldn't handle ds anymore alone.
post #40 of 58
It's reasonable, and I don't have to be at death's door either. Nor do I have to "ask" -- he cares about me enough to notice I'm unwell and to initiate conversation about how *we* are going to take care of things, not just how he is going to "help out." We currently have the financial freedom to make this unstressful, but even when we didn't we approached it this way. We have also worked hard to put ourselves in a situation where we don't have to take infections to the workplace and expose others to them -- that's how too many people get sick in the first place, being exposed to the ill who refuse to stay home.

I like how UUMom put it (as usual).
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