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a nice way to say "I don't want you there?"?? - Page 2

post #21 of 29
I know that it is your dh's baby that is being born, but he/she is coming out of your body. You have the ultimate authority on who is there and who gets told when. How would he like it if he had major abdominal surgery and then people arrived straight after, while he had his privates hanging out? I would be tempted to tell my dh that if he doesn't back me up, he doesn't get to be there himself. That's a bit harsh though.
post #22 of 29
Just say it!

When I pregnant, I'm blunt. Okay, I'm usually blunt LOL.

Really... I didn't mind all the people, BUT I didn't have abdominal surgery either!

The other suggestions are wonderful.

Plan an open house for a few days after the baby is born and let your mom and MIL take care of the food etc... would that make them feel better?

I'm having a homebirth and will only have dh, my mom and dd there (and the midwife of course). My mom is there to watch dd and take her to MIL's house if she doesn't do well with the noises etc. Because my house is so small, my MIL's house will be the 'waiting room' for my dad, grandma and brother. LOL

Thankfully, people stopped in little by little and didn't stay long so it wasn't bad. An open house with specified hours would prevent that.

Let us know what you decide!
post #23 of 29
Ask your mother honestly how she would feel if you didn't call her for a week and you had everyone else over to see the baby. Maybe someone took lots of pictures of the baby and came to show them to her, but she hadn't yet got to meet the new baby? Might she feel jealous and left out? I would feel that way myself.
I think lots of women that have c-sections feel like that happened to them with their own baby because someone else had the baby in arms while mom was recovering.
If you can get through to your unwanted visitors, maybe you can soften the blow by telling them that everyone will get called at once. There won't be any favorite playing, but you do need time to yourself.
-Respectfully
post #24 of 29
I only read the original post in its entirety, and scanned the responses, so I may be double here.

But:

WTF???!!!!! What are these people thinking?????

It's YOUR baby. They had their babies, and their chances to have a circus in the delivery room (bet they didn't like it either ). I would just tell them, matter of factly and in a way that makes clear that there's no sense arguing, that they will all be welcome after the 24 hours (or whatever) that they UNDOUBTEDLY understand are necessary for family bonding. And if they don't understand that, they need to grow up already.

And I hope your dh will come to understand that this is HIS baby too, and that HE and not his family gets to decide what happens. Maybe you can make him see that being born is a big enough transition as it is, and that seeing 15 strange faces makes it that much harder for the baby to identify the most important ones, namely those of parents and siblings???

good luck. And enjoy your birth!!
post #25 of 29
I can so symathize with your feelings! I had a sister who wanted to be a part of everything. She even wanted to examine me while I was pregnant! (no health care background) I found that it exhausted me to try and repetedly explain my wishes to people. I finally decided not to discuss it or just say "we'll have to see what happens". All the while we planned not to call those we didn't want until after it was all over and we were all rested. It worked pretty well. I also just told my other two sisters during my labor they had to leave the room. I found their chatter distracted me and irritated me. By that time I think they realized that I was the one who needed my environment controlled. anyway, good luck!
-wolfmom
post #26 of 29
I already floated it out there that it's not a spectator sport. Hinting that we won't be receiving guests.

I think my inlaws are pretty respectful, they're pretty shy about imposing, anyway.

I'd make your dh swear that he won't call anyone until after the baby has arrived - then just say it happened to fast or something. He was distracted helping you to call... He should understand your feelings. No none needs to observe a birth if they aren't the birthing partners. If you want it quiet, you deserve to have it that way. I always get confused why there's tons of people on A Baby Story, laughing like it's a cocktail party. To each their own, but if it's not your gig, you deserve the space you need.

post #27 of 29
This is YOUR birth!
I think what everyone else has said is good, but wanted to add one thing -- if you can get your point across nicely, that's all well and good, but if your inlaws and even your dh just won't get it, go ahead and BE A B*TCH! They can blame it on the hormones if they like, and I've found that when I finally loose it and really put my foot down, people become quickly and unexpectedly meek. But honestly, if they think you're being unreasonable, so what? Be unreasonable. It's totally within your rights, and maybe if you allow them to see (um, or hear, loudly) how passionately you feel about it, they will have some more respect for you.
I know that's how I deal with my in-laws, they think I'm crazy, but they hear me when I talk. KWIM?

-Jenna
post #28 of 29
We're not even TTC yet and already MIL is trying to get me to promise to let her be present for the birth, and getting all hurt about my lack of commitment on the matter. :
post #29 of 29
with ds2 I made the mistake of calling my mother and sister on the way to the hospital. My mother barged in while I was in labor and them again while I was bf'ing ds for the first time which was not something I wanted to share with her. I had sent ds1(13yo then) out to let them know he was born and my sister snatched the video camera out of his hand and watched the birth!!! And she let my 10yo nephew see it too! My inlaws waited till after they knew he was born to come up.
I don't even mind the visitors right after the birth but it did feel like an invasion when my mother walked in on me twice.
With # 3 I will have no choice but to tell them as I will need someone to watch ds2 and ofcourse bring him up to see his new sibling. But I think I will use the birthing center this time and get outa there a.s.a.p.
Get home~ 50 miles away where no-one ever comes to see us.
Good luck. I hope it works out the way you want it to.
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