Well, it's a very long and complicated story, but the gist is this:
I became acquaintances with a girl the same age as me with the same kind of life and history about seven years ago... we both met and married older men, had our first and second kids around the same time, etc. etc. We got pretty close in these last few years.
Problem is, tho... she's veeerry judgemental, and when she is having a hard time in her life, she takes it out on me. I'm not a good enough friend, I don't call her enough, I don't have her over enough... when she's down, I'm the root of all her evil and ills. Her two kids, who are the same age as mine, manipulate her very well... they'll cry and claim my son hit one of her daughters (even tho I was standing there the whole time and nothing like that happened), whine and lie to get their way when we do playdates, that sort of thing.
I finally confronted this "friend" and told her that if she did not open her eyes and see how she took out all her problems on me, we would have to have a strictly professional relationship (I'm a teacher at her dd's preschool.)
She retorted that I was cold, callous, and unfeeling, and that we would, indeed, have a strictly professional relationship from that point forward.
My dh was over the moon about this, as she almost broke up our marriage twice and her one dd he considered a "bad" influence on our dd. But now she's trying to sneak back in to our lives... she's trying to set playdates and that sort of thing. DH and I aren't into this... at all.
DH and I agreed that her kids were lovely when she wasn't around, and that we have no problem having her kids over to play, SANS mother. But the problem is..... how do you tell another mother this? No matter which way I cut it, the message will sound like: you are a bad mom and your kids are only welcome when you are not around.
So she's probably getting angry that I'm blowing her off... but at the same time, I cannot be truthful because she is very defensive and has always played the "poor me, innocent victim" role... she's never in her life taken responsibility for her words and actions, which is why we are no longer friends.
She's upset and angered so many people that most have alienated her.... and she still doesn't understand why, even tho every one of us have tried to explain it to her as nicely and compassionately as possible.
WWYD?
I became acquaintances with a girl the same age as me with the same kind of life and history about seven years ago... we both met and married older men, had our first and second kids around the same time, etc. etc. We got pretty close in these last few years.
Problem is, tho... she's veeerry judgemental, and when she is having a hard time in her life, she takes it out on me. I'm not a good enough friend, I don't call her enough, I don't have her over enough... when she's down, I'm the root of all her evil and ills. Her two kids, who are the same age as mine, manipulate her very well... they'll cry and claim my son hit one of her daughters (even tho I was standing there the whole time and nothing like that happened), whine and lie to get their way when we do playdates, that sort of thing.
I finally confronted this "friend" and told her that if she did not open her eyes and see how she took out all her problems on me, we would have to have a strictly professional relationship (I'm a teacher at her dd's preschool.)
She retorted that I was cold, callous, and unfeeling, and that we would, indeed, have a strictly professional relationship from that point forward.
My dh was over the moon about this, as she almost broke up our marriage twice and her one dd he considered a "bad" influence on our dd. But now she's trying to sneak back in to our lives... she's trying to set playdates and that sort of thing. DH and I aren't into this... at all.
DH and I agreed that her kids were lovely when she wasn't around, and that we have no problem having her kids over to play, SANS mother. But the problem is..... how do you tell another mother this? No matter which way I cut it, the message will sound like: you are a bad mom and your kids are only welcome when you are not around.
So she's probably getting angry that I'm blowing her off... but at the same time, I cannot be truthful because she is very defensive and has always played the "poor me, innocent victim" role... she's never in her life taken responsibility for her words and actions, which is why we are no longer friends.
She's upset and angered so many people that most have alienated her.... and she still doesn't understand why, even tho every one of us have tried to explain it to her as nicely and compassionately as possible.
WWYD?
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