What to do about too many gifts? - Page 2

[kezia]

Okay, dh and I talked about it more, and he now says he wants to wait till after this Christmas to talk to them. He says they've already bought all their gifts for this year (they like to hit the after-Thanksgiving sales), so setting limits right now would mean they'd have to return things. So, he'd rather wait until January to have a talk with them, then have a whole year to "work" on them.

But, that still doesn't solve our problem of what to do this year. I like the idea someone brought up of letting the kids choose one or two gifts from each person to open, then bringing the rest home unopened. Unfortunately, the ILs (particularly SIL) won't go for that, I'm afraid. I am going to talk to dh about it anyway, and see if he will go along with it. I also LOVE the idea of the kids asking them for lessons, zoo/museum memberships, etc.--will definitely file that one away for next year!

But, if dh says no to the bringing gifts home unopened deal, that brings me back to my original question--how to handle too many gifts? I have already weeded out the playroom, and all that's left is really good toys that the kids love. I am loathe to get rid of some of their nice, wooden toys and things to make room for the junky, loud stuff that the ILs will give them, so I guess my choices are a) accept the toys and let the kids keep them, and just try to have them "disappear" as soon as possible, or b) talk to ds about donating some of the new toys to charity, or c) let ds choose which of his toys to "weed out", and curse the ILs under my breath if he chooses to keep their stuff and give away his "good" toys :

What would you choose? Any options I missed?

[Jilian]

My mother is the one who likes to innundate DS with junk plastic toys galore on Christmas. I've tried everything to get her to stop. The thing that worked best was "We don't have room for lots of toys so most of the things you buy DS will have to stay at your house" It worked pretty well. She despises the thought of having lots of toys with lots of plastic pieces laying around her house I've also told her that when DS has too many toys we go through them and donate a bunch, she doesn't like the thought of having her things donated so she eased up a bit.

She usually spends lots of $$ on DS and talked of getting him a portable DVD player this year (which we have ZERO use for) so I suggested a big gift that he would like - a wooden train set with a train table. She ended up getting it. It only took 2 years of "working on her" to get her to stop with the truckload of plastic toys. Seriously, one year my dad had to drive over our house with his pickup truck to bring all the Christmas gifts over, that is in addition to all the gifts I brought home in my car

I think it makes her feel like a better grandmother when she buys DS 100+ toys.

[CarenSwan]

My experience with kids and plastic toys is that they bore of them easily. What I would do for this year (if you can't take any home unopened) is just have them disappear slowly over the month of January, leaving anything your ds really loves. And good luck with the talk for next year!

[dharmamama]

Honestly, I think you should talk to your family members and just tell them that your ds is getting too much stuff! Last year, when my in-laws visited after Christmas, it took the kids well over an hour to open all the gifts they brought, from themselves and from dh's two sisters and from both sets of dh's grandparents and from dh's uncle. It was ridiculous, and Ramona actually said, "I don't want to open any more presents!" I was not very gracious and did not do a good job of hiding my displeasure at the absurdity of it all. We had always had a one-gift-per-family-unit rule in place to stem the tide of stuff (and even with that rule, we have gifts from all of dh's side, listed above, and from my two sets of parents, both my sisters, my grandmother, and my step-mother's parents), and this year we made a really big deal about sticking to it. I think my in-laws finally got it last year when they saw how overwhelmed the kids were and how disgusted I was. Because they feel the need to spend the same amount of money on each grandchild (they have five), they are going to get each of our kids one gift and give the rest in money. My side of the family has always been pretty good about honoring the one-gift rule.

Anyway, I think you should tell them. If you're not comfortable with that, however, I think it's fine to enlist your ds's cooperation in choosing some gifts to donate. I also think it's fine to tell him that for every gift (or every two gifts) he receives, he needs to pick an existing toy to donate. I think it's important to model moderation in accumulating belongings.

Namaste!

[dharmamama]

Ok, since I see that this year it's still going to be an issue, I would do one of two things: after everything has been opened and brought home, let your kids decide which of their toys (new and old) to keep, and live with their decisions (or, if they choose to get rid of the nice toys, keep them in the garage for a few months to see whether they can be reintroduced after the kids tire of the junk) or follow CarenSwan's advice and just gradually disappear the junk.

Namaste!

[Greenie]

Upon talking to SO about it, we've come to an agreement.

We're going to open an account for the baby boy, and we're putting money in every time we can for his college and getting him a car when he is responsible enough to drive. We will request that family members limit 'junk toys' to one per year. They're allowed to get clothes, books, board games, music, whatever (I love the memberships/lessons idea!! ). We will encourage them to deposit in the account, though.

He needs a college education A LOT more than a hotwheels racing ramp.

Plan B-The junk will dissappear, and it will never be seen again.

[Greenie]

Kezia, honestly, I would just put the most offensive toys away in a closet or something. If he asks for it, then give it to him, but if a week or two has passed, and he has forgotten all about the loud, plastic, annoying toys, just take them to Goodwill.. Take one or two at a time until they're all gone..

Or, let them keep the toys at their house. This is what my Dad has agreed to do.. Any toys that I don't want him to have here he can have at Grandpa's.

[WuWei]

Ok, I come from the pov that the gifts are not the parent's gifts to make decisions about. The gifts are given to the children, and unless they are morally opposed to the gift as some dangerous item, I don't see how the parent can decide for the child. I certainly wouldn't like dh saying 'well, you've received enough chocolate already this year, I think we need to take some of that Godiva back to the store.' Or, 'what about these pruning shears, its not like you need those, I think I will give them to the neighbor who works in their garden.' Or, 'what? another cook book, you don't have any place to store all of those, I'll put some of them away and if you really need it, ask and I'll see if I haven't given it away to Salvation Army.' 'Those specialty plates are just too impractical, we don't need those anyway. We don't have room for more plates. We'll just box them up and eventually get rid of them.'

I agree with suggesting that the family contribute to a long term gift (529 college fund, for instance), or that they even send some to charity, IF the gift giver chooses to do so. And discussing the space issue with the children regarding rotating and perhaps choosing to contribute to charity with old or new toys. Maybe get their help boxing some things up for temporary storage and taking it along to grandma's for when they visit there, or for temporary storage there, if space is a real issue. Or suggest sharing with a known friend who has less, but they would still get to play with the stuff. Suggest selling it on e-bay so that they can get the funds for more specific desires, saving for an important bigger item, or whatever the child decides to do with the procedes of *their* gifts. Consider freecycle for large things the child would like to share with others.

And I would buy less stuff for them for Christmas even, or buy throughout the year instead. And discuss being able to purchase more of the toys they actually want later in the year if they make room for new stuff later. Include the child in the decision about how they wish to work with you regarding the space needs. I certainly wouldn't judge the gift of another as necessary or worthless. The child may enjoy much more value and fun with a temporary plastic item that they later decide isn't worth keeping than knowing mom and dad weren't their advocate for what was important to them. The greatest gift is respect for their own opinion. Not many kids get that from their parents. And it is worth more than any other gift we can buy. Not saying this isn't important to you, just mentioning how important it is to them.

Pat

[Periwinkle]

I put about two-thirds of their Christmas or birthday gifts in the attic and bring them out over the course of the year. We also take a big box every so often and fill it with unused/unloved toys and donate them to charity. Really helps keep clutter down and I think it's good for everyone involved too.

[Hera]

Originally Posted by kezia

What would you choose? Any options I missed?

Here's what I would do (a little late now )

First, I would keep in mind that the proper starting postion is to assume that no one is giving you anything, and that all gifts are a surprise. Sounds like you've done this, with you gentle approaches, but if you come at people with the "you can give us stuff, but only the things we say you can give us" attitude, their feelings will be hurt and they will be mad at you. It would be a social blunder.

So, the thing to do this year is to appeal to your dc. Talk about all of the museum memberships, event tickets, lessons, and books that could be purchased with the value of the gifts. Point out that the grandparents are being loving and generous in their way, but that people are allowed to exchange gifts for things that they will truly enjoy. Perhaps your dc will see the wisdom in this approach, treat the toys gently when they are first opened, and then go home and sell them on ebay if they can't figure out where to exchange them. If there are a couple of toys that hit the spot, make sure to talk them up in the thank-you letters. It sounds like these will run to multiple pages, just to list everything! Maybe you could make that work for you somehow...

For next year, make a "dear santa" letter with your kids, and show it to your inlaws at thanksgiving with an "aw, isn't this cute? Look what they did aren't they precious" attitude.

[octobermom]

We rotate toys that way DD doesn't hve so many out at once and I get to "give her new toys" at appropiate times through the year as we see how she plays we give away toys shes seems to ingnore or outgrow (somone will use them) or ones we deem inappropiate. She got 11 gifts this year
2 will be put away and used during her homeschool studies because of the excess parts and the messiness [play doh set and counting game]
another will be used just with us at least untill she understands how to use it better [storybook player]
from the 7 remainding
3 will probably become perment toys untill she out grows them [play food and kitchen pots pans and dishes]
the remaining 4 will rotate with her current ones we kept for her. ones she really likes stays out longer. so far this has worked very well for us.
Deanna

[meowmix]

I moved away from battery operated toys and was trying for a more "waldorf inspired" house. I had no problem sending my parents websites for toys, suggesting what the children would want/need. I did this with my inlaws, too. Both sides also know my kids LOOOVE books and if they want to buy lots of something, make it books! And they have known for years that we don't want them giving tons of gifts on holidays/birthdays.

They have always been very understanding about it (and we have been understanding of them, too). Last year my MIL asked specifically what she should get the kids and this year my mom did too (she has been the most resistent to battery free/old fashioned type toys for her grandkids- she looves the bells and whistles and Disney, etc!). My sister even bought the kids a wooden zoo animals set instead of like last year where she bought the noisiest toy of all for my son.

As far as I know, they appreciated the communication. I know they would not like knowing their gifts were donated or returned. They spent the time and put thought and money into buying them and I know they would want to buy something that was appreciated by everyone. Just my thoughts on it.