So disappointed in my mom....

[bobandjess99]

At Thanksgiving, my sis and i are talking, and reminiscing about when my little brother was a baby.....and my sister was recounting an embarrassing tale of how he would struggle and strain and pass hard poo pellets...he was always constipated....well, I made the comment (not knowing my mom could hear, D'oh!!) that it was probably the formula....
Well, my mom hears, and goes off yelling "oh, I was such a horrible mother... !" I hastily apologized, saying it wasn't her fault, she just didn't know any better... (note: This is what I have always honestly believed!!!) and she totally shatters my world by responding with " Oh, I knew..I just wasn't into it..I didn't want some kid hanging off my boob..i was young, I wanted to be able to have a life..... "



I am just ...without words......I am so conflicted....if it were anyone else, I would think they were a horrible person for putting their own desires above their babies need for nutritious food and not have any problems just disregarding their existence......but she's my mom..I love her....but these words that only a horrible, selfish person would say were coming out of her mouth..... :

Honestly, how can i still respect her, knowing she deliberately put my health in danger so she could "have a life"...????
I was diabetic by age 22....but if you ask her, the fact that I was fed formula with rice cereal in it from birth has NOTHING whatsoever to do with that, despite actualy medical studies which have shown a link......Now, I'm not blaming her....I made poor food choices as a teen/young adult, did not exercise as much as I should have....but ..geez!!

I guess it's just that I have become so ....well, I guess "militant" isn't too strong a word about BF.....and for me, to here someone say they deliberately chose not to BF simply for "lifestyle" reasons, literally makes me ill...I think it's child abuse. for me, It's like hearing someone say they like to torture puppies. And my mom was saying it.......

I am just having a hard time reconciling this in my mind/heart......

[MelanieMC]

[mamachandi]

Oh I am so sorry!
But I have heard this very comment from my own sister! And others as well. We can't even talk about bf in my extended familys houses because all hell will break loose! Everyone has an opinion opposite of mine and my other sister bf for 6 weeks then switched to ff and she brags (yes brags) to everyone that she breastfed.. : (for no other reason then that she needed her body back!)
There are alot of people in the world who think like your mother it is a sad sign of the times.
((((hugs mama))))))

[ferretfan]

i'm sure if she thought she was "..putting your life in danger" she would have bfed. my mother didnt bf any of her three children and, from what i can gather, for more or less the same reasons i.e. convenience/vanity/restrictive social life. but she wasnt as informed as i am of the benefits.

a large part of my childhood consisted of one ear infection after another, and every cold in the book. i joke that she didnt love me enough to bf me, but that's my twisted humour to a tee.

please dont feel bad

[velcromom]

So sorry you had to hear a comment like that from your own mom! ... I would have felt shattered by such a comment too.

[wannabe]

It's hard to come to terms with your mother not being the be all and end all you wish she would have been.

[mymaybaby05]

Your Thanksgiving sounds a bit like mine. Sometimes family get togethers are more like a Springer show, not the Walton's.LOL!!!

[Mamapits]

Hi,
From what I have learned here on MDC is that there was a time when women were fighting for equal rights and the whole feminist thing was going strong. Many women who thought they were being progressive were fighting for this kind of independance. And they were getting alot accomplished in some areas but this is one area we are paying for now.

It would have been better if these women were promoting NIP and tax breaks for companies who support a working mother's choice to breastfeed and all of the other breastfeeding issues we are working on today.

It was confining to breastfeed back in the day because nursing was done in the home.

My first thought when reading your post is that mom was just going with the vibe of her time. Maybe she thought it was empowering to have more independance.

She says she knew.... But I doubt she really did know. She and all of the other mothers of her time were very heavily supported in thier choice to FF. She may never REALLY know, because it might be hard for her to admit your health could have been better if she has breastfed.

I don't believe your mom really said to herself formula can hurt my baby but I am going to do it anyway. I would bet that her thinking was more along the lines of what women tell themselves today who choose to FF and that is - Breast is best but formula is an adequate food for my baby.

[njeb]

Mamapits made a lot of good points, so I'll just add one.
Maybe it will help you if you can remember the good things about her mothering. For instance, maybe she enjoyed reading to you, or maybe she enjoyed taking you and your siblings to new, exciting places. Maybe she taught you things. I don't know if any of this applies or not, but most mothers are a mixture of good and bad.
I hope you can come to terms with this.

[Ruthla]

I still see it as "she didn't know the true risks of not BFing." Yeah, she'd heard of BF but she didn't truly understand the implications.

[Plummeting]

You know, I don't think your mother really was aware of the risks of FF. The fact that she insists FF couldn't have contributed to your health problems proves that, really. If she had been truly aware, she would have known (and therefore would not currently be in denial) about the fact that FF increases the risk of diabetes. Honestly, I think she doesn't want to appear ignorant, so she says that she knew - either that or she is unaware that she was ignorant, you know? She was ignorant of her ignorance.

[JoyofBirth]

Maybe she didn't really know. She might have just said that so she didn't look stupid. My mom always says I don't feel like I missed out on anything. Like the only reason to nurse is for the mom to feel bonded to her baby. When I tell her about antibodies and how the milk changes to meet Emma's needs, she's amazed. It's hard for a mom to think she may have made the wrong choice, so give her a little grace.