Making OUR house a cool place to hang out

[mumm]

My son is only 5, but already some friends have better houses to play at than others. And our house is not going to be one of the cool places because it is not full of junk food, we don't have video games, the tv is in the cold, damp basement, etc. I don't want to change those things, but I do want to have the kids want to come to our house to just hang. Even if I am the non-judgemental mother (which is really a stretch for me, lol), and I don't get uptight about mud in the house, I don't think I can "compete" with the junk food/video game stuff.

How have you worked this out with your family? Is your house the 'cool' place to be? Do you have secret stash of chips-ahoy that you pull out for friends? How do I make my house inviting to my son's friends without compromising my values? Thanks!!!

[Caroline248]

I am working on this with my ten year old. We have special snacks etc that we have when friends come over. I always have those break and bake cookies in the house to throw in...I also do a movie/pizza night once a month with his friends. The kids are getting an air hockey table for Christmas this year. My DH also does bonfires fairly frequently where he lets the kids roast hot dogs and marshmellows.....

My six year old just started inviting froends to the bonfires and we are hosting a "Girls only Movie night" after the holidays.


I think just treating the kids like people helps. When the boys are here for movie night, we usually hang out with them and talk with them, and they love that. I think a lot of houses the parents just let them be, and the kids really do want the interaction.

Also, I let them be kids. Some people around here STRESS about the kids having friends over..like the moon has to be aligned correctly and the house has to be in perfect shape and even then the kids can only hang out in one room....WE just hang. DO whatever. Sometimes we have projects, sometimes we do yard work.You would be amazed at the kids helping out, they would NEVER do that at their house!!

~C~

[Autumnschild]

My place has evolved into a cool kid-friendly place. Yet it's still inviting and comfortable for adult company. I have young children, but all of my 3yo's friends want to hang out here. We have baskets here and there with blocks and games. There is a folding puppet theatre and a box of puppets that sets up easily. We have a dress up box that they love, and stuff like that. As far as snacks, I haven't had any complaints about apples and peanut butter, etc. The tv in the back room is for kids use (with permission) but it is only a tv with vcr and I have personally picked every movie there. We rotate activities, so the kids don't get bored.

In better weather, we have a swingset with a slide, a playhouse, a kids garden and lots of room to ride bikes or run around safely. Our kitchen has kid-sized table and chairs and so does the garden. Other moms love to bring their kids over for playdates because they stay entertained while we get to hang out.

I can't wait...I want to build an outdoor theater for dancing and playacting. My next summer project.

[wannabe]

Originally Posted by Autumnschild

I can't wait...I want to build an outdoor theater for dancing and playacting. My next summer project.

cool! can i play at your house?

[monkaha]

:

[AngelBee]

Originally Posted by wannabe

cool! can i play at your house?

Me too...

[Lucky Charm]

I am one of those "cool moms" and the house that for the most part, kids want to visit and stay at.

And yes, I have the TV in the family room, and my son does have XBox and PS2, and too many games to count (and he has the Blockbuster monthly game pass). I have soda in the fridge in the garage.

But here's the thing.....My kids eat great and spend plenty of time outside, so there really is balance. My son might have 2 mountain dews with his buddies, but he also drinks gallons of milk, eats wonderful dinners I make, and eats a healthy snack when he gets home from school, so to me, its not an issue.

The little guy I monitor more closely, and he drinks flavored bottled water, the ones with no sugar, just flavored with strawberry or orange, and has no Nutrasweet. His little friends (they are all around 7) have no problem with this.

And during the summer I make sure I have plenty of Popsicles.

Other than my bedroom, there is no part of the house thats off limits. My kids have played hockey on the basement, bounced basketballs, you name it. Just no hide and seek, because I am to afraid with all the stairs in my house, and I am too paranoid my little one will hide in the furnace room and rediscover the pilot light...again *sigh*.

They build forts with the couch cushions, play basket ball with a tiny door hoop and have a blast.

My house is nice, but its not a museum, not because I cant afford nice things (and I have some) but because my house is to be lived in.

One time I have 8 boys in the house for a total of 11 kids. It was great!


I also have a basket ball net outside which the teenage boys especially love. And my daughter who just graduated high school last spring....well we had "Pasta night" every Wednesday. It was an open house and I made up to 4 pounds of linguine at a time, and would buy 4 loaves of Italian bread (boys can eat!). Anyone could come, but I did need some sort of head count by no later than 4pm that day. The kids would come over, eat, have fun, my husband and I enjoyed them tremendously and they played terrific with the 7 yr old.

[Caroline248]

Sweetbaby3--that is where we would like to be in the next year or so! MY oldest is going to turn 11, so he is ready for the "older" hang out. His friends are into skateboarding though, so we are going to do some sort of ramp thingy.

And I totally agree about the food, but when my children were younger I would have said no way. But my son totally gets that there are things we have with company and things that are not for all the time. I eat the same way, so why wouldn't my kids! When my girlfriends come over, we don't sit around sipping herbal tea and eating tofu...we have coffee and JUNKFOOD.

Now that your kids are older, did you ever have any problems with the kids wanting to have alcohol at your house? That is my one worry...when I was in high school the "cool" house allowed underage drinking. Obviously that isn't an option here..but did you ever come across that?

~C~

[Lucky Charm]

Originally Posted by Caroline248

Now that your kids are older, did you ever have any problems with the kids wanting to have alcohol at your house? That is my one worry...when I was in high school the "cool" house allowed underage drinking. Obviously that isn't an option here..but did you ever come across that?

~C~

No, I have not. I would never allow underage drinking in the house.....too much liability and I am against it. maybe thats why its never come up?

But, I do have a "call me and I will come get you, no questions asked" rule. And my daughter did, once. And as hard as it was not to throttle her, I did it without questions. But the next morning we did discuss accepting responsibilty for ones actions and alot about accountability.

[EnviroBecca]

I think the best approach to the food issue is to have ingredients on hand for food kids can make or help make. Examples:
cookies (even choc chip are healthier than Chips Ahoy!)
pizza or pita pizza
burritos
bread in shapes of their choice
popsicles made from yogurt, grapes, and banana chunks frozen in a paper cup w/plastic spoon for handle
banana bread, cranberry bread, etc.
healthy bread in the form of cupcakes they can decorate w/frosting & sprinkles
instant pudding (at least it has calcium)
cinnamon apples (recipe on this page)
mix nut butter, powdered milk, and honey; roll in balls; roll in chopped nuts, coconut, or chocolate sprinkles
veggies and dip

They'll be willing to try healthier things if they've made them themselves! Also, if you think your kids can be responsible about cleaning up afterward, turn them loose to invent a recipe from whatever you have on hand.

My only other suggestion is to allow the kids to build forts by draping blankets over the chairs, etc. My mom was popular for tolerating this whereas most moms in our suburb would not!

[StillForest]

I've been working on making our house a cool place to hang out for the past couple years. I have a 4-year-old DD and a 14-year-old DSD who lives with us during the school year. Things that have helped:

* Great games! We have several shelves of fun games for all ages.
DSD has game nights here at least a couple times a month. DH and I play with them and we all have a blast.

* Crafts and cooking stuff. The teenage girls love to hang out and bead and make friendship bracelets etc... We also do make your own pizza/cookie/root beer float nights.


* Regular movie and popcorn nights.

I'm hoping that a really fun, inclusive and delicious atmosphere will be more important than stuff. I really want our home to reflect our values. Seems to be working so far.

[fek&fuzz]

When I was younger the thing that seemed to make a cool house was a basement.
Ours had a jumping bed, lots of room, a woodworking shop.
My friends had a pooltable, bead curtains and her mom's fancy glasses that we used to play "bar" with.
My other friend's basement had her mom's old clothes for dress up, and lolly columns (those red poles that hold up the house) that we would dance around to "Daddy Please Don't" and pretend to kiss.

I think the key to all of them was having a place separate from the grownups where you didn't have to worry about messing things up or being loud. None of them involved videogames or tv.

[Caroline248]

Originally Posted by fek&fuzz

"

I think the key to all of them was having a place separate from the grownups where you didn't have to worry about messing things up or being loud. None of them involved videogames or tv.

Hmm, now that is funny. My sons friends like to hang out here and one of the reasons is they get to hang with us too. They all say they like being "part of the family". I thought it was because at their house they are sent to a "room" to be away from the adults.

Maybe when they get older they will want less adult interaction.

~C~

[Caroline248]

Originally Posted by EnviroBecca

I think the best approach to the food issue is to have ingredients on hand for food kids can make or help make.

In theory, this sounds like a great idea. In practice, not when you have 8 or more kids at various ages. Then it is a nightmare. At least when we tried it, I thought I was going to have a breakdown, and I am NOT very picky about messes. And pre-teen boys are NOT into the whole cooking thing!!

My daughters age friends (first grade) love helping in the kitchen, and I have made cookies with two or three of them at a time. Boys just want to be gross and crazy..so we let them!! (But not in the kitchen)

~C~

[Caroline248]

Originally Posted by sweetbaby3

No, I have not. I would never allow underage drinking in the house.....too much liability and I am against it. maybe thats why its never come up?

But, I do have a "call me and I will come get you, no questions asked" rule. And my daughter did, once. And as hard as it was not to throttle her, I did it without questions. But the next morning we did discuss accepting responsibilty for ones actions and alot about accountability.

That is what we would like to institute. I am very scared about teenage drinking...seems to be my biggest fear. I am glad to see it does work for some people! I am guessing you have laid a groundwork of trust, we are working on that now with our almost 11 year old. It is hard though, I want to make all his decisions for him and the letting go is way more difficult than I thought it would be!



~C~

[AngelaB]

We have a kids play room and thats where they like to hang out. We have tv but only movies and its in the living room and they have to settle down to be in there so they come and go!

So my kids are almost 6 and almost 4. There playroom has a queen size mattress on the floor. Lots of couch cushions. A backseat from a van that we use as a kid couch and the cool part is 2 lofts on 2 opposite walls. There is a rope swing over the mattress and lots of shelves and tubs to store toys without being anal about it! We want to put a slide in someday, but havent gotten to it yet. They can be wild and crazy in there and climb and the fun thing to do is jump off a loft onto a stack of couch cushions on top of the mattress.
The kids that come over to visit think its the greatest and we built it from stuff we already had around.

We cosleep so we dont have their beds in there yet.

[jkpmomtoboys]

I don't know if we have a "cool" house yet, but my 5yo's friends sure like to come and play here.

What has worked for us is being really flexible--with time, space, etc... If my son and his friend say they want to have a playdate tomorrow, tomorrow it is (assuming no other obligations). They know they can come and play here anytime.

Also, I let them do things that they might not get to do at another house, like use all our family room sofa cushions for a fort. That probably won't have the same sort of appeal when they get older, but for now, it does the trick.

What I have found is that the kids I want him to be friends with have parents who have similar values to us, so the houses are pretty compatible. He has a few friends who watch what I consider are inappropriate movies and spend a lot of time (at 5!) playing video games. When those kids come over, they frequently say they're bored b/c it's not as cool at their house. My response? "Tough. Find something to do." I don't necessarily encourage those relationships, though, so I'm not bothered about it.

I remember growing up how the friends with the coolest houses didn't necessarily have the most stuff, but had the most serenity, the most flexible parents. That's what I'm trying to recreate, little by little.

[mumm]

So I there is no easy cookie cutter answer! (I guess I knew that!) I need to just find the balance that works for us. Perhaps because our income level is not even close to average within my community I am always too self aware of our lack of "stuff." Making cookies with the kids is a treat ($ wise, not time or sugar necessarily) and I don't always want to share that experience with a kid to whom it is no big deal. kwim? ("My housekeeper always adds double chips." said with just the right attitude almost drove me over the edge one day!)

My house is nice, but its not a museum, not because I cant afford nice things (and I have some) but because my house is to be lived in.

I'm taking the advice to be flexible with space and time, and also to be with the kids. I've been trying to disappear when my 5 year olds friends are over, but I think when they eat, I'll also sit at the table.

Just yesterday a kid was over and they were working with paper and markers "spelling" things. Simple things like their names, happy, pop, top, etc. when the friend kept spelling "pop" with and extra "o". Normally I would have not said a thing, but I told him what it really spelt, and we had a great time laughing about happy poop that pops. Trying to go with the flow.

sorry to

thanks mamas for all your input, I'm still figuring out what it all means.