I put this is parenting because I am sure both SAHMs and WOHM/WAHMs can possibly relate.
I am having one of those days where I fell like my only role is as a "convenience factor", meaning all I am good for is a car ride, a meal or whatever. I cleaned the kitchen and my teenage daughter came down to heat pizza. I am sure I will find the plate in the sink. I will do dishes many many times over the course of the day. I will pick up my husbands prescription, be home for him at lunch, and volunteer at the school for lunch and playground, then possibly squeeze in a nap before I pick up the boys and make an early dinner as I have to go to work at 7pm tonight, one of the busiest n nights in the ER (no its not Friday!).
I "have" to take my daughter on an errand as we took her car away because of her behavior and basic irresponsibility. She is incredibly moody, and always has been. Today and yesterday, for instance, its been minute by minute. And my DH is no different, although he would disagree. In fact, as I was putting the boxes and bags that we put our Xmas ornaments in (we put the tree up last night), I realized....she is just like him! I have always felt that nothing I did was good enough, and that if i was 50 IQ point less, my husband might like me better. No matter that I clean the house, do laundry, and work outside the home. In fact, many times I feel my stress is self imposed because technically I don't have to work (my husband does well, but only in the last 3 years, please know that for the most part we have always needed me to do something because he is commission based). So now the unspoken thing is "I make close to 6 figures, you don't have to work, therefore I no longer have to do anything". In fact, I'll take it a step further and blurt that the other unspoken thing is... "you can do anything you want as long as you do everything else". Its no wonder my daughter is the way she is, she sees her dad. And my boys are different, especially my middle one who is deeply sensitive and kind and giving, unlike his sister who i feel is selfish. And my husband? well, I am thinking he is selfish too. Yes he works 60 hours a week, and yes all of our money is pooled, nothing like some of the horror stories you have read....but i feel that as a wife I am a profound disappointment. That because I am not Suzy homemaker (even though if you saw me go through my day you might think i was!), I disappoint him.
I am not comparing myself, but for dinner tonight I am making chicken and mushrooms, for a meal I wont even eat. And tomorrow? Pan seared baby sirloins with a creamy port wine sauce and roasted asparagus.
I feel like crying today, in fact i am holding them in as I type. Am I wrong to feel this way? Is it me? I am not a sensitive person, meaning my feelings aren't easily hurt. My husband will tell you i am "low maintenance". Yet, my heart aches, and I am feeling let down by the whole deal.
I could go on and on. And I know myself, i will feel better tomorrow and then count my lucky stars. And possibly even post in a "a wonderful life" thread, because many days I feel that I do. But more and more, i am feeling exhausted by my relationships.
If you have made it this far and haven't gagged, thanks.
Lisa
I am having one of those days where I fell like my only role is as a "convenience factor", meaning all I am good for is a car ride, a meal or whatever. I cleaned the kitchen and my teenage daughter came down to heat pizza. I am sure I will find the plate in the sink. I will do dishes many many times over the course of the day. I will pick up my husbands prescription, be home for him at lunch, and volunteer at the school for lunch and playground, then possibly squeeze in a nap before I pick up the boys and make an early dinner as I have to go to work at 7pm tonight, one of the busiest n nights in the ER (no its not Friday!).
I "have" to take my daughter on an errand as we took her car away because of her behavior and basic irresponsibility. She is incredibly moody, and always has been. Today and yesterday, for instance, its been minute by minute. And my DH is no different, although he would disagree. In fact, as I was putting the boxes and bags that we put our Xmas ornaments in (we put the tree up last night), I realized....she is just like him! I have always felt that nothing I did was good enough, and that if i was 50 IQ point less, my husband might like me better. No matter that I clean the house, do laundry, and work outside the home. In fact, many times I feel my stress is self imposed because technically I don't have to work (my husband does well, but only in the last 3 years, please know that for the most part we have always needed me to do something because he is commission based). So now the unspoken thing is "I make close to 6 figures, you don't have to work, therefore I no longer have to do anything". In fact, I'll take it a step further and blurt that the other unspoken thing is... "you can do anything you want as long as you do everything else". Its no wonder my daughter is the way she is, she sees her dad. And my boys are different, especially my middle one who is deeply sensitive and kind and giving, unlike his sister who i feel is selfish. And my husband? well, I am thinking he is selfish too. Yes he works 60 hours a week, and yes all of our money is pooled, nothing like some of the horror stories you have read....but i feel that as a wife I am a profound disappointment. That because I am not Suzy homemaker (even though if you saw me go through my day you might think i was!), I disappoint him.
I am not comparing myself, but for dinner tonight I am making chicken and mushrooms, for a meal I wont even eat. And tomorrow? Pan seared baby sirloins with a creamy port wine sauce and roasted asparagus.
I feel like crying today, in fact i am holding them in as I type. Am I wrong to feel this way? Is it me? I am not a sensitive person, meaning my feelings aren't easily hurt. My husband will tell you i am "low maintenance". Yet, my heart aches, and I am feeling let down by the whole deal.
I could go on and on. And I know myself, i will feel better tomorrow and then count my lucky stars. And possibly even post in a "a wonderful life" thread, because many days I feel that I do. But more and more, i am feeling exhausted by my relationships.
If you have made it this far and haven't gagged, thanks.
Lisa
They should be more aware of how lucky they are to have you!!!
But here's what I've done, and it usually works: "I know dishes aren't usually your job, but I just washed a whole bunch and would like to enjoy the cleanliness for a while. When you finish your pizza, could you please wash that one plate?"
:
I don't have a lot of posts, but I always notice yours and you are always nice, helpful, thoughtful. It is obvious you are a sincere and kind person. It sounds like you do a LOT for your family, your dinners sound very yummy! It is hard to be a helper and cheerleader for everyone else and get squat back. You need praise and hugs and someone to lighten your load at times too! While I think it's great to pamper yourself, it's still not the same as receiving this kind of thing from your loved ones. It is absolutely fair to expect them to nurture you on a regular basis - no matter who works how many hours... you need nurturance from your clan. I don't know how to get this to happen though.
