Unexplained Fear of the whole birthing process

[boovert]

Hi, I'm just wondering if I'm normal or just plain weird. I'm due in April with my first but have this really bad fear. (I plan on having a water birth.) I mean if I think about what the labor is going to be like I feel like I'm going to faint. IT'S HOLDING ME BACK from enjoying this whole baby process. Did anybody else experience this? or???

[AngelaB]

You are not weird! I think every first timer feels this way. I would suggest taking a childbirth class that teaches you what your body will go through in labor. I took a Bradley class. Also look into Ina May Gaskin(spelling) books. I really liked "spiritual midwivery" Lots of cool birth stories.
You are on the right message board to ask questions and make friends!
I read a quote today that I have found quite useful for my pregnancy fears...
"Worry is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere."

Try and relax and live in the present! Congrats by the way!

[Guest*]

You are not weird. In fact, some fear, especially with your first, is healthy. You have not experience labor and birth before, so there should be lots of emotions associated with your thoughts about this, including fear.

To work past your fears, READ READ READ. Birthing From Within by Pam England is good for this. So is Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth.

So, pick up some books, read some birth stories, and relax! Your body was meant to do this whether your mind wants to or not!

[LeosMama]

I think reading birth stories is what really helped me deal with my fear. The more stories I read about medical interventions, though the better I felt. This is because I would then read about these interventions and learn about why they are used and when they are inappropriate. This way I felt like I was in control of my birth, even if I had to have a c/s (I didn't) b/c I would know that if it was done, it was for a reason that I understood and consented to, not just b/c the dr says so and has an early tee-time (golf). This was very empowering, to understand the problems of childbirth, to understand that these problems are infrequent in homebirthing women but are often caused by hospital interventions - and how to understand when I should consent to them and when to tell the doc to take a flying f*ck (which I did )

Hope that helps.

[AugustineM]

I had a lot of fear when I was about 7-8 months pregnant with my first. I would worry so much about the pain, the possibility that I "couldn't do it" (whatever that means...) and often I never told anyone because I felt silly. But it was very real fear.

I would highly second the recommendations for reading Ina May Gaskin's books. Those I think are what eased my fears the most. The books are so positive and have such empowering birth stories. Also, I tried to stay away from shows that made birth scary on TV. Those just made things worse for me. I also talked to women who were positive about birth, like my mother, my childbirth teacher, my midwives. That helped, as did telling my midwives that I was scared. It was hard to say but they were so supportive. And then, when I actually went into labor, honestly I was not scared at all! I thought it was so strange because I'd been so scared and apprehensive about it. And you know what? I had a labor with very, very little pain. I had expected SO much more! The best I can say is to really, truly practice relaxation techniques like every day. Best of wishes to you.

[Seie]

I had my first baby in the hospital - I had hoped for a natural birth but choose to go to hospital for several reasons. Most important reason was that I just liked the idea to go there and arrive- somehow I felt that would be a physical manifestation of labor and that would make my labor "something else" than just another day at home - that was the main reason I didn't choose a homebirth the first time. But there was another reason too - I simply liked the idea that the painrelief options were at hand in case I would need them. It being my first baby I had no idea what to expect painwise.

Looking back my choice to go to hospital was a bad one. I eventually ended up actually needing the epidural after 44 hours in labor - 4 of those transition. And yes I actually did need it. My contractions were unbearably painful for hours and hours and I had not slept for around 52 hours. But my point is I think the reason that they ever got so bad was that I was at hospital. I stalled at 8cms and stayed there for hours and hours - and I am sure that if I had been at home I would have just had the baby within a couple of hours.

My point is that when you plan a homebirth you are also planning a med-free birth. But you are also planning a much less complicated birth in most cases. By staying home you will give yourself the best possible chances of not actually ever needing drugs. You are in a safe environment with supportive people around you and that is what matters the most. In order to be able to have a good experience with your natural birth you need to feel safe.

I agree with everyone that it is a very good idea to read lots of good birthstories. It can really boost your wish to give birth..

Inca

[JanetF]

Your fear is simply a reflection of the current birthing climate of western culture. When I look at births on the tv I'm scared! But birth with loving support and evidence based practice is not the on your back, stuffed to the gills with drugs, ticket for caesarean that hospital birth is now. As other posters have said, read read read! Then read some more! I found freebirthing stories fantastic to read when I was pg because they are so empowering and such a tribute to what birth can be - if we let it! Remember, you're designed to do this but not designed to do it in a brightly lit room crammed with strangers who stick their hand in your vagina every hour to test your capacity to birth to a timetable. Wise choice of careprovider and a nurturing environment go a long way towards supporting your gentle birth and the reading you do will only enhance this. Get yourself some birth dvds as well preferably home and freebirthing although hospy ones are good to remind yourself why you've made the wise choice to stay home!

[Aka mommy]

:

Also read home birth stories. I think you will be surprised to find out how little pain there is in them!

[mhsa2mom]

I, too, highly recommend "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth". The second half of the book made me excited to go through labor! It's so empowering - I think it should be required reading.

There is no way to truly prepare yourself for labor - it's something you've never gone through before, and the unknown is often scary. But, know that it will be one of the most incredible days in your life. And you are going to LOVE being in the water! My second son was born in the water (10lb 9oz) and it was amazing.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

[aisraeltax]

go to the dec 05 ddc and look at our recent conversation om this topic. then look at the thread re: affirmations.
rach

[Thmom]

read read read... information is your friend!
I highly recommend Childbirth without Fear and Birth without violence (both old books but great) Birthing from within, Spiritual Midwives, Pregnancy, Birth and the Newborn.
Get all the info you can, the more knowledge you have the more prepared and in control you will feel.