An embarrassing question

[boovert]

Okay here it goes, (though my face is really red to ask this). When going through the pap smear and all those other niffty tests. My doctor and midwife have to use small tools on me.( but I don't have problems using tampons, or even having sex with my husband or the usage of toys ) My midwife say's that this will be fixed after I have my first child. (and she and her apprentice started laughing-which I'm not to happy about but oh well). ANYWAY, does this mean that I'm going to be in really, really bad pain and may even tear a lot? Since I'm having a water birth will this help on the pain? I'm kind of scared to ask my midwife. Don't want her to laugh at me again.

[thismama]

Before I gave birth I had the exact same worry. I worried that I was too small and either I wouldn't be able to birth vaginally, or I would tear badly.

I'm happy to report that I birthed vaginally, drug free, and found that crowning didn't even hurt for me. I had a small tear which got stitched and healed with very little pain.

They're not kidding when they say you will stretch!

[USAmma]

I had the same concern, and I too needed the small speculum for exams. I did some stretching exercises before both births. I am not sure how much they helped, but I never had a problem with having my babies. My dd1 was fully crowned and the OB said he didn't think I showed any signs of tearing, but I had to get cut b/c her hb remained very low for several minutes and they were worried about her. Not sure it was really necessary but anyway, I was doing fine and probably would not have torn. My scar healed tightly and even then, I only tore a tiny bit with dd2. Did not require stitches.

[AngelBee]

Not at all.

I even had trouble putting tampons in. I still have issues during intercourse once in a while. Baby number 3 was birthed with no medication or interventions. No tears at all!

Ds1 I tore due to hospital staff error. It was not any more painful for me during the delivery. It was just a more uncomfortable recovery.

Do not worry.....it will work out fine

I am sorry that your midwife laughed at you. I am sure she laughed because you were timid asking and it was cute! I'm sure she has heard the question many times before.

[wildflowermama]

I'm apalled that your midwife laughed at you. If it happens again and you are uncomfortable, perhaps you should mention that it hurts your feelings for her to laugh at you.

[sevenkids]

I've had seven babies, the smallest of which was 8 pounds and the biggest was 10 1/2, no tears, and they still use the small speculum on me. Some women are naturally small, some have an intact hymenal ring which breaks during birth (no, it's not any more painful during the birth or recovery, and it doesn't need repairing if it happens), and some have tight muscles. Water will be very helpful in reminded you keep your bottom loose and soft, and it'll help your skin stretch nicely, just like it's supposed to. Don't think Buns Of Steel, think Buns Of Marshmallow!


And it was inappropriate for your midwife to laugh at you. It's a very valid question which deserved an informational response.

[because]

I think it is Ina May Gaskin who writes and lectures about this...

Think about the change that male parts go through: very little (esp when cold) to very big. There is no reason that female parts can't do the same magic trick: very little (esp when stressed like during a medical procedure) to very big.

Your body will be perfect for your baby and your birth.

[Guest*]

I had the same concern. I'm very petite, but gave birth to my dd with no problems. Only a small 1st degree and the only reason I got that was because I had an accidentally unassisted birth, so no midwife was there to tell me to slow down and let everything stretch. I'm sure that I wouldn't have torn if I'd have slowed down.

[valeria_vi]

I am small. I didn't have troubles with tampons, but it hurt to have sex. sometimes to the point that I would cry unvolontarily.
my dd was on a small side, but I gave birth to her without and tears and it definitely was not pain I was dying from.
water birth might help. because it will provide constant and even support for all the tissues.
as for your mw - i hope pp is right when she said "I am sure she laughed because you were timid asking and it was cute!". if this happens again, though, I would talk it over with the mw.

[LeosMama]

I am also small. The dr always have to use a small speculum and be very gentle during the hand-inside part or I get hurt. My dh has to be gentle if we've been without sex for a while (week or two) until I stretch. I have been with guys who are too big and it's painful. And everyone looks at me like I'm this tiny little person, I can't tell you how many people told me I'd have to have a c/sec b/c the baby wouldn't be able to come out. But I had a great vaginal birth. 13 hours from timing to birth (9 in the hospital) and only a small little tear (skidmark, but I hate that term, it's vulgar).

You'll be fine.

And I think your MW was terribly rude to laugh. You really need to mention it to her. She's a medical professional and is supposed to be a midwife. This word means 'with woman'. Remind her of that and to not be so insensitive and rude.
And no, it won't be 'fixed' (as if it's broken!) after birth. After you heal and are able to make love again, you may find that you are the same size that you were before.

Have faith in your body. You are perfect.

[staceyshoe]

Before preg, I was fitted for a diaphragm. I needed the smallest one availabe (there is a huge difference between the smallest and largest!). I was worried about the positioning, but the mw said, "If it's in there, it's in the right place. You're so compact that there's nowhere else for it to be." I had a great labor. The pushing was hard, mostly because I was tired and worried about tearing. I had very minor tearing that didn't even need stitches.

Post-preg, I don't notice that I've stretched at all as far as sex goes. I have noticed that it's easier to get "air" in there. I probably just need to do kegels. TMI, I know, but as long as we're telling it like it is . . .

[SunRayeMomi]

I didn't read all posts.

This just reminded me of when I was in labor. My boyfriend and I were having A LOT of sex up to the time of delivery because those pg hormones got me super horny I had a friend who was due at the exact same time as me, and she had broken up with the baby's father and wasn't having any sex. My mom delivered hers (which was out in 5 hours - lucky brat!) and then mine which took over 14! During my labor, my mother and the assistant midwife kept commenting on how "tight" I was : that the baby was bearing down but couldn't fit, and I heard the assistant whisper knowingly this comment during my labor: "It's because they're not having sex" I just wanted to laugh because that was so not the case Ah well. Oh and the good part: I had one torn labia, but of course I didn't feel that. MY perineum was fully intact though! They made sure I was well-oiled while pushing... That's important!!!

[CalebsMama05]

Originally Posted by boovert

Okay here it goes, (though my face is really red to ask this). When going through the pap smear and all those other niffty tests. My doctor and midwife have to use small tools on me.( but I don't have problems using tampons, or even having sex with my husband or the usage of toys ) My midwife say's that this will be fixed after I have my first child. (and she and her apprentice started laughing-which I'm not to happy about but oh well). ANYWAY, does this mean that I'm going to be in really, really bad pain and may even tear a lot? Since I'm having a water birth will this help on the pain? I'm kind of scared to ask my midwife. Don't want her to laugh at me again.

i had to have the *smallest* as well and my dr said it was because i was a private person and *tensed* when he did things like that. he said it wasnt a big thing. I had my pap 7w pp (large baby) and still had to use the smallest.

I did need an episiotomy but my son had a 14" head and weighed nearly 10 lbs.

HTH's

[Charmie981]

I'm really disturbed by the fact that your midwife made you uncomfortable talking about this with her. It's definitely something that should be addressed before you have your baby, and it's something you should bring up with her, in addition to the fact that you're uncomfortable talking about it because of her comment. To her, it was probably an off handed remark that meant nothing (and I'm sure as midwife I've done something equally stupid), but to you it brought up a really scary idea of what your birth would be like, and you need to let her know that. I would also bring it up to gauge her "compassion level." If she's unable to put you at ease and unwilling to apologize for how her comment made you feel, then you might want to find a different hcp.

As far as the birth...well, MOST women feel nearly unbearable pain during crowning. It's called the ring of fire, and it happens when your nerve-filled vaginal tissues stretch to let baby come out. But if you're feeling it, that's good because it means that your tissue is still intact and stretching like it's supposed to. And it is bearbale because many of us have done it and lived to tell. Comparing a vaginal exam to birth is like comparing it to sex. With sex, there are hormones and love and attraction at play. You're okay with it because your body wants it. The birth will be similar. Your body will be releasing all kinds of hormones and over the course of your labor you'll come to love your baby more and more. And at the end, when things are most intense, all someone will need to do is remind you that you are only 1 (or 2 or 3) pushes away from having your baby and being done with it! (Usually after that, I have to encourage moms to slow down a little bit and allow the tissue time to stretch rather than tear!)

You will do absolutely perfectly and I'm sure that you'll stretch beautifully to accomodate your baby .

[boovert]

Thanks everyone

Thank you everyone who replied back to me. I was really scared about this but from reading what you all posted has helped me a great deal. I feel more up to this new challenge in my life.

[mirandahope]

Thanks, boovert for asking this question! I've wondered the same thing too...

[3ncountin]

I had the same problem before I had my babies I think some women are just naturally smaller than others. Anyway I didnt even have any real real pain with either of my first two when they were crowning ( they were both almost 9 lbs each ) I only felt pain with my last becuase she was so big her shoulders got stuck after her head was out that was way worse than crowning. I think it helps to remember that if you keep your jaw dropped and loose it is almost impossible to remain tense down there if you do this. As for having babies "fixing "the situation, I am just as small as i was before i ever had children .