When do you let your DC stay the night somewhere else?

[Free Thinker]

Okay, my parents are ticked at me, I can tell, and I know that this is what they are ticked about... My baby was sick Thanksgiving, so we didn't go to family dinner on my Dad's side (my parents weren't going either, but they wanted us to go to show off the kids) They did go to my mom's family TG on Friday, though, 3 hours away from me. They wanted me to send my 2.5 YO w/ my brother (single 23 YO guy) to the event, so that everyone could see her. My mom tried to get me to let them take her and asked like EVERY time I talked to her last week. The answer is NO, my DD is too young to travel that far w/o me, and she isn't old enough to spend the night, either. Now that baby is sick, and has been sick since last Wendesday, they keep saying things like "I'd come and get her if she can stay the night" "SHe'd have alto of fun if you'd just let her go places" "She needs time away from you"

Today my mom was saying how she'd come and get DD if I"d let her stay the night (they live 1 hour from me). I said (AGAIN) "No, she's too young to stay the night" (politely). My mom came back, telling me I was irrational... ???WHAT??? She goes on to explain about some mom she was on TV who didn't let her kids more than 15 feet from their home, and how that was irrational. I got kinda ticked, and told her that DD doesn't stay the night w/ ANYONE b/c she is too young. I went on to tell her that if she spent the night w/ anyone it would be my MIL who lives less than a mile away, not an hour away, and that I probably wouldn't let her spend the night w/ anyone until she was about 5 anyway! She told me that was completely irrational, and that I needed to get away from my kids more often. THey left me w/ my grandparents when I was 3 months old, overnight, and I had such a close relationship w/ them b/c of it. Now, I am close to my g-ma, but I don't htink it's just b/c I got to spend the night w/ them at a young age. I let my DD stay w/ her when I go shopping, but I hate leaving them for more than about 3 hours, and I want to be called whenever the baby cries, and I do call every hour or so just to check up on them when I do leave them. I told mom it has nothing at all to do w/ who she is staying with (either them or my MIL, MIL doesn't keep them that long either), it's just that I am the mother, and I like them to be close to me.

So... am I irrational, or is 2.5 too young to stay the night?

[TiredX2]

DD was almost 3.5 when she spent the night with the InLaws. Her choice.

DS was younger, but also... his choice.

Neither are ready (at almost 7 and 4) to spend the night anywhere else, though they have spent two nights in a row now with the Inlaws.

[Sharlla]

It varies for everyone. My DS1 started staying at Nana's house when he was 10 months old (we had been living with them before that) and I wouldn't be opposed to them taking DS2 now if they wanted him overnight or I had plans like a party or something. My SIL and MIL are the only people that I would be comfortable caring for my kids overnight though.

[messy mama]

No, you are not being irrational. She is the one being irrational, IMO. She can't take no for an answer.

As far as being too young, if you feel she is then she is. She's your baby and you know what's best.

[3 Little Monkeys]

I let dd2 stay the night with the in laws (actually it was 3 days 2 nights) when she was 2 months shy of her 2nd birthday. She had her older sister with her though. dh and I went out of town for our anniversary - 9 months later we had dd3.

It all depends on your comfort level. If you aren't comfortable sending her then she shouldn't go. Period.

[Ruthla]

It depends on the 2.5yo in question and how well he or she knows the caregiver. In general, I'd hesitate to leave a child overnight before age 4 or 5, but there are some exceptions.

Grandma who lives a mile away and she sees every week? Maybe. Grandma who lives 3 hours away and she sees 4X a year? No way!

If the Thanksgiving dinner was a few miles away, asking a single 23yo uncle to bring her would have been reasonable. A several hour car ride away (and an overnight away from Mom n Dad) is another thing altogether.

[sarahrose]

I think it depends on what you and your child are comfortable with. There's nothing wrong with waiting longer or doing it now. Are you worried she won't get good care? or are you worried she's not ready and she'll be scared? or are you just not ready? I think all of these are vaild reasons to wait and think very carefully about it. Frankly I'd be pissed if my mom or my mil got mad at me if I said no. I'd be less likely to let them stay.

My boys have been staying for the weekend with my MIL since they were both about 18 months. (they are now 2 and almost 5) They love her and I know that they'll be loved and taken care of very well. My dh and I get a well needed break and the kids have a blast doing all sorts of things that we probably wouldn't do on our busy weekends. In january we'll be leaving them with my Mom for 4 days while we go to Vegas. They will have so much fun with my neice and with their grandparents that they probably won't even notice that we're gone. But these are my kids and I know it'll be fine.

But again, it's all up to you and your comfort level. She's your child and you need to do what you think is right for your child. You aren't being irrational at all.

[Momtwice]

Originally Posted by messy mama

No, you are not being irrational. She is the one being irrational, IMO. She can't take no for an answer.

As far as being too young, if you feel she is then she is. She's your baby and you know what's best.

: : :

If you don't want her staying over until she's 18 it is YOUR CHOICE. You are the mama, not her,

and if she called me names it would just make me say NO louder and longer.

You are the mom.

Your choice.

[JesiLynne]

I've sent my kids to my parents ( except 10 month old ds2) lots of times
But they are AP and cosleep with them so they dont get lonely
Or dd ( 7 y/o) will cosleep with one of my sisters
First time ds1 spent the night with them he was 17 months old and I was in labor with ds2
He was fine with it

[**guest**]

My son (who will be 3 in dec) has never spent a night away from me. If I have anything to do with it, he will not spend a night away until he's at least 5 AND agrees to it.
Of course, if his father gets a court order to be able to have my ds overnight before that, then I'd be devastated and EXTREMELY angry.

I feel that it is completely up to the mommy to decide.
Peace,
Liz

[~Nikki~]

So... am I irrational, or is 2.5 too young to stay the night?

In that situation, I'd tend to agree with you. I have no issue with letting my 2.5 year old stay over at my in-law's house. But they live 5 minutes from us, so if anything were to happen (ie:her panicking and wanting mommy) we can be there almost instantly. My parents have been asking to take her for a week during the holidays, and as much as I trust them, and know that DD would have a great time with them, I just can't say yes. They live 3 hours away, so if something happened, it'd take much longer to get to her (not to mention, it may be impossible with DH's work hours, to even get ahold of him so we could go pick her up).

It's all about what you're comfortable with. We've left DD overnight a total of 4 times in her lifetime, for emergency situations and during the 2 days I was in the hospital having her brother. I'd never consider leaving her with anyone but my in-laws, though. Not at this age.

[celrae]

Originally Posted by messy mama

No, you are not being irrational. She is the one being irrational, IMO. She can't take no for an answer.

As far as being too young, if you feel she is then she is. She's your baby and you know what's best.

I agree with this and then I want to yell (please, let go and trust someone else). There was another thread on this and I was one of the only mom's to think that it was ok to let a young child spend the night. My girls started sleeping over at mom and step-dad's house when they were 1.5 and now at 3.5 they spend 1 night a week at grandma's. They love the different environment and look forward to it. So, I am probably the freak but, I think it can be positive for everyone.

[MsMoMpls]

Originally Posted by celrae

I agree with this and then I want to yell (please, let go and trust someone else).

I have to agree. Of course a mother has the "right" to say no but that doesn't mean it is always best for babies or mothers. It can be wonderful to have a child who has deep relationships with other people. And there are certainly some mothers who are holding a bit too tightly to their children. My two spent a night away this past month for the first time and my little one is still nursing but he had a great time and slept better than he ever has at home.

[ebethmom]

My Mom wishes that I would do things differently (wean my kids at a "normal" age) so they could stay overnight. But she does respect my authority as the parent, so she doesn't push it. For that I'm grateful!

My ds is 4 1/2, and hasn't spent the night away from us yet. I've been away overnight twice, and we've been away without dh. But he has always had one of us there. That was one of our factors in deciding to have a homebirth with dd.

If we lived closer to my Mom, we would probably let ds try an overnight. But we live an hour and a half away.

Dd is only 16 months old, and it will be a long, long time before she is ready for an overnight.

[Attila the Honey]

My dd just turned 2yo and I can't envision a sleep over happening anytime soon. At the very least she'd have to be old enough to tell me she WANTS to sleep over somewhere and actually understand what that means.

My bil and sil started leaving their dd overnight with G+G right when she got the go ahead to resume intercourse - 8wks postpartum and they got a jacuzzi suite at a local hotel. Somehow they've managed to make the inlaws believe these nights without their child are vitally important to ensure a happy marriage, and they do this every 4-8 weeks. So, thanks to them I have to deal with MIL and FIL on my back about leaving dd over at their house.

(and the weird thing is, bil and sil don't even co-sleep. so, I really don't understand why they have to leave the house and send their dd to G+G's house to have sex. )

[Dragonfly]

Originally Posted by Free Thinker

THey left me w/ my grandparents when I was 3 months old, overnight, and I had such a close relationship w/ them b/c of it.

Oh, good grief. People are so silly sometimes.

My mother and my son are best buddies. He's spent the night with her once in 5 years and it wasn't until he was 4. They're best buddies because she spends a ton of time with him - usually a few hours a week, at least.

Of course you're not being irrational. They're being completely illogical and trying to guilt you into making a decision you know is not the right one. Follow your child's lead and trust your gut. Tune everyone else out.

[KarenEMT]

This is totally your decision!!! You are the one who knows your kids best.

My son just stayed over for the first time at my parents' house. He is almost 4. They also live right across the street He sees them every day but was just ready now to sleep overnight (with his big brother or he probably wouldn't have stayed).

At 2.5, my son was nursing so much that he simply would not have been happy sleeping anywhere other than near me.

[Live~Laugh~Love]

NOPE, my DS didn't stay all night with anyone an hour away at that age, I would be "irrational" too. I know haow moms can be though, they know what best, well they raised you didn't they? I am on your side mama,I wouldn't let her take them overnight either.

: : :

[charmcitymama]

I don't see the big deal about dd (28 months) staying over at Grandmas house. She loves it there and I get a break.

[nonnymoose]

My son's stayed over at my parents' since he was weaned, which was (unfortunately) at less than a year old. I am perfectly willing to let them have him whenever they want him now, but they only live about six miles away - I don't know how I'd feel if they were that far away. My dad is absolutely tickled by him...he started calling him "Fa" months ago, when he doesn't call his grandmother anything, unlike the other four grandkids. That alone makes it worth letting him stay over there. Besides, he's the sort of kid who'll walk up to someone he met five minutes ago, drop a book in his/her lap, and ask to be read to, so he's not too hung up on being around his parents. If he were more anxious about it, I'd be less willing to let him sleep over.