My son took his first drink at 19

[momofteens05]

I just found this out : . He told me that a few months ago he just wanted to try it. We have alcoholics on both sides of the family. He did more than try it. He got drunk and threw up. My husband and I don't drink and we've always tried to be a good example. He is in college and is a good kid, so I don't think I'll have to worry about it too much. How did you guys handle this when you found out they drank?

[Hayes]

My family is full of drunks. my dad says alcholics go to meetings, drunks just drink.

I've been a little drunk twice in my life. I've been really drunk and thrown up once in my life.

I'm now 30, we, my dh and I, don't drink. It just isn't necessary. I would guess your son tried it, because he is in college and that's what everyone does. But now, he's tried it, and puked his guts up, why would you want to do it again?

[Irishmommy]

19 is the legal drinking age in Canada, so it wouldn't bother me. Even a 19yo in the US it wouldn't bother me. I'd be grateful he waited that long.

[srain]

What exactly are your concerns? Is he aware of them?

[mommaJ]

Honestly, when I saw the title to the thread I thought it was a *good* thing that he had waited until he was 19.

I will be thrilled if DD waits that long to have her first drink. Of course, even later would be even better. But I started drinking at 14/15, so I will be happy if she doesn't drink at all in high school!

Only time will tell...

I'm sure your DS has a good head on his shoulders (hey, he told you!!) and he'll make smart decisions. trust him

[darsmama]

I'd be more worried about him binge drinking. I'd discuss the responsible use of alcohol. Otherwise, he's an adult and you should trust him to make good decisions. Obviously, he was honest and told you about it, so perhaps he realized the errors of his ways.

Hth

[angelpie545]

I agree- I'd be glad he waited until he was 19. I had already been drunk many many times by the time I was 19. I'd share my concerns with him and made sure he understood them- at this point-that's the best thing you can do for him. Young adults at this age are still very sensitive to judgment- so make sure you are as non-judgmental as possible- and share with him the facts.

Unfortunately drinking is something we can't protect our kids from- and it's something they really have to experience to make good decisions about. Hopefully everything goes ok for him, and most of the time it does. I'd make sure he was aware of the family history as well, and that he knows that if he ever needs help he knows where he can go.

[fromscatteredtribe]

at least he TOLD you. and there is not a HUGE difference between 19 and 21. I had been living on my own for two years at age 19 and was married at age 21. didn't bother with alcohol until age 19 and never drank much or often since then. two or three parties and about six months of occasional drinking and there are more alcoholics than not in my family. it's good to keep the communication open with him and NOT really express that disappointment. It sounds like you are a really involved and thoughtful parent

[darkangel090260]

i would not worrie However the way i was raised i had wine with dinner and one special events at the age 10 yrs old and now i have never been what most would call drunk or had more then may be 3 glass a wine in one day. It just how people teach there children about it if its something bad or frobiden then ya there going to try it but with my family it was no big deal

[Ruthla]

My children had their first drinks when I handed them a cup (1oz) of wine at Synagogue!

I hope my children never "get drunk" but I wouldn't be surprised if they got drunk once or twice before deciding it wasn't a pleasant experience. As long as they do so responsibly (no drunk driving, no going home with strangers, etc) I'm OK with that.

[johub]

I pray my kids wait till they are 19 to get drunk for the first time.
THey all have (or will have) tried alcohol before then. We serve wine at special holiday dinners a few times a year, and children are welcome to their own glass. ( usually they take one sip and decide they'd rather have the martinellis though) I got "tipsy" for the first time at about 12 at home on Christmas eve. (finishing off everybodys wine glasses when clearing the table). Alcohol was never a taboo in my family and I never felt any strong pull towards it as a teenager, perhaps because I had already tried it and didnt like it. There was nothing to "sneak".
Joline

[UnschoolnMa]

The age of 19 doesn't seem to be that big of a deal to me really. I would be more concerned with the binge aspect of it (getting drunk). Did you discuss that with him to let him know your concerns? Did he say what the thought about it afterwards?

[irinam]

What does he say about it? How does he feel?

I totally understand the desire to try it and am very impressed by the fact he waited untill 19!

Do talk to him about it, but I would remember that it was his *first* time so there was no way he knew how it would feel, what effect it would have on his body, basically what his comfortable "dose" was. So I would not call it "binging" at this point. Those of us who do occasionally drink know that it can be hard to estimate the effects on the body - sometimes one does not feel drunk right away.

Oh, and just to put your minds at ease about what I am saying - it took me a few times to find *my* limit. You know what it is? 1/2 wine gets me "tipsy". Full glass of wine gets me drunk

PS. My son had his first "experience" at 17, and he also told me about it. We talked, I did not make a super big deal out of it, but did not take it lightly. He is 18 now and did not have a second "experience" yet.

[granolamom]

Originally Posted by Irishmommy

19 is the legal drinking age in Canada, so it wouldn't bother me. Even a 19yo in the US it wouldn't bother me. I'd be grateful he waited that long.

It has only been the past 20+years that the legal drinking age was 21, not 18. When I turned 18 I could drink in most states in the South.

[SunRayeMomi]

i think you should be proud he waited so long. Of course he threw up- I threw up the first time I drank alcohol too. You don't know your limits, or what to expect

[nonconformnmom]

I agree with pp who said you should be proud he went that long. My dd tried alcohol the first time when she was 11 or 12 years old. She and a friend were at an adult party with her mom and rum and vodka were out on the kitchen table. They snuck in there and poured some and drank it. My dd hated it and never wanted to try it again (she's 18 now and she rarely drinks alcohol); but her friend got a little too much and felt sick for the rest of the day.

My dd told me about it right after it happened and I just thought it was funny.

[amydidit]

I wouldn't worry about it... in fact, like PP, I'd be glad he waited that long. My family has a long history of alcoholism (and drugs too) on both sides. I started drinking when I was 17... I knew I couldn't talk to my mom about it because she'd flip... I was raised to think that drinking was bad, period. So I hid it. I drank pretty heavily until I was 19, then tapered off a bit. By the time I was 21 I rarely drank at all. In fact, since I turned 21 ten years ago, I've only been drunk maybe 3 times. So obviously I didn't fall into the pattern my mom was scared of.

I do wish I'd been able to talk to her about it though. Probably wouldn't have drank anywhere near as much as I did when I was a teen. But it was so taboo that it appealed to me.

[be11ydancer]

I would be worried about how constantly he drinks and then if he's binge drinking. Some people are able to be satisfied and stop after a couple of drinks and this is fine. But others, depending on their maturity and their mind set, will try and get so drunk that they throw up. Talk about it to him. Let him know your concerns. Make sure he never thinks it's o.k. to drive after any drink. And remind him that it's still illegal at his age. I can understand that you would be worried about him. We have addicts on both sides of the family too, and I had a problem in high school, so if our children got drunk when they're teens, we would be worried.

It would be silly to think that just because he threw up, this would be enough to deter him from ever drinking again. There are some people who actually enjoy doing that and will seek out opportunities to binge drink. It just depends on the person.

[CarrieMF]

It would be silly to think that just because he threw up, this would be enough to deter him from ever drinking again.

I agree, especially before he knows his limit and it can take a while to figure that out. Limits change too. When I was 16 I mixed myself drinks that were 90% alcohol and 10% mix and never got drunk, now 1-2glasses of wine and I'm tipsy or drunk depending on the day and how long it's been since I last drank.

I wouldn't necessarily be proud that he waited until he was 19 to get drunk, it's not something you'd write home about or put in the Xmas letter you know.lol I'd be happy he waited.

Getting drunk does not mean a person is binging either.

I'd talk to him about the reason he drank. Was is because his friends were drinking or is it the stresses of college. The answer would make a huge difference between whether I took it further or left it alone. At 19 you can't do anything, but if the stress of college is what caused him to drink then with a history of alcoholism he's on a slippery slope and you could help him find ways to deal with it other thank drinking.

[MillingNome]

I may be a little different than some in my thinking. Dh and I both have alcholics in our families but maybe the real issue is addictive leanings in gereneral. We both agree on the philosophy of learning how to drink responsibly. Our dd, age 12, has had wine with her meal a couple of times. She knows the taste of beer and wine coolers. She watches us and sees how we drink. The point is to her it is nothing to go crazy over. There is no curiousity over what it taste like. She has never seen anyone drunk nor does she think it a good idea. Your son should be told, IMO, to be very careful of binge drinking but maybe it's ok to have a, as in ONE or TWO, beers with his friends. Once you get to the point of puking, you're edging towards alcohol poisining. Your body is saying HELP! Here in Minnesota there are cases every year of some college kid wandering off and either freezing to death of drowning because they had such impaired judgement due to drinking. I just think he needs to understand that some stupid stuff can happen from binge drinking...