Making an appointment for meds....

[mamamoo]

So I don't know if I have the energy to tell the "whole story", but hopefully I will get most of it out.
I have suffered with depression(or something like it) since I hit puberty. I am coming to the realization it is a hormonal thing that runs in my family. My sister and aunt suffer severly(as do I), my other aunt, a female cousin, and my grandmother have suffered on and off. It seems to become worse after giving birth. After my 2nd child I started having panic attacks(I didn't know that's what they were until reading posts from here). I can hardley be in a store, or around people without feeling like I'm going to pass out(it's like I'm detatched from my body), sweating heavily, woozy.

I have been trying herbal tinctures made for this hormonal imbalance, they work for a while then it's just as bad.
I know my weight and lack of activity has a lot to do with it, but I can't get "it" together enough to even think of grocery shopping, or cleaning my kitchen to cook a decent meal.

I don't want to be on meds, but at this point am afraid for myself if I don't start taking something.

I have been on meds before(about 5-6 different ones and combinations), and feel as though they helped a little, but didn't like the side effects. I think I posted a little more about this in another ppd thread.

Right now I am willing to try anything. I woryy though about my newborn. The thoughgt of any drugs getting into his system kills me. What makes this worse is I work for a non-profit environmental organization that is adamant about toxins and children(it's called people for environmental action and children's health). I know that my job is not a good reason to not get on the meds, but they are like my family, and are a huge part of my support, and I would feel like a lyer by not telling them, but would not want them to know. (I'm sure this makes no sense to anyone...why should I care what they think? I just do..it's hard to explain).

Also because I believe that drs for the most part are full of crap I have a hard time believing that any given drug is safe(look at vaccinations...among other things).
So I guess I'm wondering what drugs have been tested the longest, have been tested on nursing moms, and what everyon's general opinion is.

I think I'm just looking for support.:

Sorry this got so long!!
Thanks for "listening~Debi

[Elphaba]

honey, i'll support you!
i, too, have struggled with that black cloud of doom my whole life, and there is a definite family link for me, too.
i take paxil, only 10 mg, but it makes a hug difference in my life. i can actually have one, KWIM?
i took it throughout my pregnancy, and am still taking it while nursing these past 15 months.
i figure it's better for my baby to be exposed to a minute amount of a drug than for her to have a mother who is totally unable to function and care for her.
you don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to. it's none of their damn business. it's not like each employee is required to announce what supplements and medications they took in the last 24 hours every time they report to work, right?
i didn't tell anyone for a long time, because i felt ashamed that i was depressed, and ashamed that i needed help. now i tell people "I take Paxil!" hell, maybe some other person will go and get help because i was honest enough to admit i take drugs to cope with my "mental illness."
i hope you can find a drug you can take that helps you and doesn't cripple you with side effects. i feel lucky to have hit the right drug the first try, with no side effects.

[shematrix]

Hang in there! I have battled depression my entire life. There is a definite family link. Just about everyone is on some type of treatment or needs to be on one on my mom's side of the family. The thing is, no one knew until just recently about everyone elese. We all thought we were alone and something must be the matter with us. I know there is still a stigma attached to depression but I am glad to see that it isn't as strong as it was in the past. Seems like more people are talking about it now.

I wish you luck on your continued search for the right treatment. I didn't want to go the med route at first either. But, I feel so much better since I have. I wished I had done it years ago. I'm still not one hundred percent at peace with myself for having to take a medication, but I am getting there.

Please keep us updated and post when you need to. We're all here in the same boat.

Brenda

[pegmom]

actually, there are studies that show that infants of depressed mothers tend to have developmental problems. also, the small amount of the drug that passes into your bm is better than formula where you are certainly exposing your baby to toxins. that said, i too struggle with the drug bf issue. it has added greatly to my anxiety level. this is an illness, however, and needs to be treated the same way as any other health problem. if the most effective thing is an ad, so be it. this is between you and your family and you have to do what it takes to hold your life together. also, what has helped me is to take it day to day rather than thinking that i am destined to be depressed and taking meds my whole life. work on the issues at hand right now and worry about the rest as it comes. also, find a good therapist that is experienced with ppd and panic disorders. shop around. hope this helps. hang in there, mama.

[Jish]

I don't like the idea of taking a medication so that I can function like a normal person, but it became clear that is what I need for the time being. My diagnosis took nearly a year from the onset of symptoms and was miserable, so I was diagnosed with clinical depression rather than PPD, but I think it began as late onset ppd around my son's first birthday. He was two weeks away from his second birthday when I went into the hospital. I was put on Lexapro and 1mg of Lorazapam (Ativan -- for anxiety.) At that point I was so sick that I was told not to nurse, plus I was taking the ativan which is questionable for breastfeeding. It seemed like a good point to wean and get myself healthy again. My weight was way down and I was pretty sick, physically at that point.

It was a really tough decision to make, but it was best for my body at the time. I didn't want to wean, and knowing what I know now, and feeling like I do now, I wouldn't wean again. Too late now, and he is no worse for the wear. I am already investigating for my next pregnancy and breastfeeding. I certainly don't want to do anything to harm my child. I think, as it was said before, that it is much worse for the child to live with a depressed mom than it is for the babe to get trace amounts of the med.

AM mom, if you are reading, will you please repeat your numbers from the bfing and AD study you took part in. They were very reassuring.

A healthy babe needs a healthy mom.

[Foobar]

I am on celexa (30mg) I am not sure about the safety in terms of BF (I formula feed), but I am aware a small amount does get through.



Express your concerns with your doctor. See if you can research some of these drugs before taking them.


As for your coworkers, is there one person you feel you can trust? Maybe you could tell this one person and judge from their reaction if you should share this. People don't always understand PPD, so it might be best not to say much.

[KimberMama]

I understand how you feel. I had to choose medication over bf, and it took some time to come to terms with. My doctor actually had to sit down with me and straight out tell me that a formula fed baby with a living mother is better off than a bf one whose mother commits suicide. She was right, of course; baby needs mommy far more than baby needs breast milk. I still ache when I think of what we didn't have.

Depression also runs strongly through my family; I believe that is is transmitted both genetically and through learned behaviors. I can't prevent my sons from receiving whatever it is that makes them genetically wired for depression, but I can faithfully take my meds and participate in talk therapy so that they don't grow up with a depressed mother "showing them the ropes" so to speak.

Kimberly

[Envision]

mamamoo

After reading your post I hear two things:
1) You don't feel you have any natural alternatives
2) You really don't want to take medication but don't see any other alternatives...

All I can say is to follow your heart and your intuition.
I know that there are many who have dealt with this problem with natural remedies and many times combinations of natural remedies. Many times it requires the person to be drastic and aggressive...this can be a huge committment.

And you are right that doctors may not tell you all there is to know about these medications and you have the right to know all the risks involved.
You might find helpful information about these drugs on
www.drugawareness.com
I am also on their list on yahoo groups.

Our bodies were designed to heal themselves and we have to be searchers for what works for us. Each of us are going to be different in what works and what doesn't.

Those pro-med please don't attack me...I just wanted to support her feelings of not wanting to take medications.

Envision

[mamamoo]

I want to thank everyone for their replies! I had an appointment today to get a referal but had to cancel because everyone is fighting a stomache virus. My appointment is for Tuesday now. Then it could be three weeks before I get into the "mental" appointment. I just wonder what people do that are even more on the edge than I am. I don't feel like I can wait three more weeks to be seen then another 3-4 weeks for the meds to kick in. I don't want to get so bad that I can not function at all.

It is already bad enough. The kids have watched so many movies this week, I don't even feel like I've talked to them at all.(part of it was because everyone was sick, but still)

I was wondering if mood swings and anger are a part of depression? Sometimes I feel rageful(is this a word)about every little thing, but other times I feel like playing and laughing and having fun, then other times all I want to do is sleep, I can't get out of bed. What are average depression symptoms?

To answer questions about co-workers: I feel very close to all of them, I think that is the problem. There are only three of us. Both of the other women are very natural, whole organic foods, very healthy, don't use traditional medicins(sp?). I don't think I'll be judged, but I know there views on the safety of drugs, and I think they will worry about me and the baby. I kind of feel like hippocrite(sp?) working where I work(people have cured their own cancer here with natural remedies and cleansings), and being on ads.

I guess this is just one of my other "things", "what will everyone think?". At this point I am going to keep it to myself for a while, and if/when I feel comfortable about it I will confide.

I do feel like this is my only choice right now because I really don't have the energy or focus to do what it takes to do things naturally. I can't even go grocery shopping, or clean up, I can't even think of doing a cleanse, or going all whole foods(there is too much cooking and preparation involved for me right now, even though I know it would help)

Okay, this is too long again, so thanks for your support everyone!

[Foobar]

Mamamoo-

I hope everyone feels better soon!

Mood swings and anger ARE a part of depression. The way I think of it is that we are suppressing some feelings and they come out in anger. I don't have that side of it, but I have the panic attacks in addition to the "why am I on this planet?" side.

I understand your need to tell your co-workers. Maybe sit down and explain it to them. Maybe they know of an alternative that could help you until your appointment. Make it clear if you want this information to stay with them. It is hard to admit this to other people. It is YOUR choice to tell people.

Envision: No attack. Just understand that in some cases medicines ARE needed and our bodies can't always heal themselves. I hope Mamamoo gets the help she needs, whether it be via pharmacuticals or herbal methods.

HUGS to all

[MamaKoala]

I hear you

I just started taking AD 2 weeks ago. I am bfing my 6 mos old and understand from reading alot on the net that most ssri's are ok.

good luck to you. the ad's effect might be felt for you sooner than 3-4 weeks--that was my fear too--that I would get referred to a mental health specialist. But my internist just prescribed the AD to me. I told her I was aloready seeing a therapist, so I guess that helped.

good luck and keep us posted

[Eosine]

Hi! I just wanted to say that if one med doesn't work, you can try others until you find one that makes you feel good, and still "feel". I tried zoloft (got sweaty and unmotivated) and celexa (turned into a zombie and gained weight) until I tried wellbutrin (was happy and motivated, got exercise, learned to relax).

You may find yourself on a similar journey and settle on celexa or prozac. Everyone is different!

Just don't get discouraged if the first one you try isn't great!

I was on wellbutrin just over a year, and now I'm feeling better than I have ever felt in my life!! I'm off now to nurse, but I've used things I learned to relax and such to get me through winter and baby's first months...I haven't gotten too bad, not like before!


Let us know how it goes!

[mamamoo]

Actually, that is one of the reasons I have been putting off going to get the meds. When I was on them before I was trying so many different ones. At one point I was actually more hopeless because I thought I would never find something that worked.

I never did find one that made me feel completely like myself...maybe I don't know what that is?!

My appt is tomorrow to get the referal.

I will post about it then.
Thanks for the support and kind words!

[cameronsmom]

I am kind of out of place here, but feel like I need to contribute. I have struggled with depression of some sort since I was a teen-ager. I am 24 almost 25 now. I had my first child in December of 1999 and by the first of January knew that I needed help. The father of my son was driving me crazy, I was a new mom, too much for me to deal with. I was put on 20 mg of Paxil and immediately began seeing a difference. It's not that things didn't bother me, but the meds helped me to put them in perspective. I have since had to go up to 40 mg. I am now pregnant with #2, my husband has gone off the deep end, and I am now in the middle of a divorce. I'm alright though. They did change my meds over to Paxil CR, which actually I like better, and it doesn't pass to baby. I honestly believe had it not been for a good counselor and the medicine I would not be here today. I am all for being able to find an alternative, but, when necessary medicine is there for a reason.

[mama2girls]

((((HEATHER))))

That sounds awful, no wonder you are struggling. I am glad to hear that you are making the best decision for yourself and you children, even if it means going it alone.

T I'm on Paxil and was thinking about asking for CR. Do you have any other thoughts on the two?

T again, Eosine--you have a beautiful family!! Your little one must be quite little.

[Eosine]

Hey heather, what do you mean by went off the deep end? I really feel for you - going through a divorce while pg. I can't imagine

Thank you AM Mom! The one with me and my dh and 2 sons is actually a 3 year old pic...only one I have of me...and the other pics are more current of my younges ds and my new dd-who is 4 mos now-when she was just born.

[cameronsmom]

AM Mom>> I like the Paxil CR much better. Because of where it is time released, you don't get the whole feeling of bottoming out in the evening. It is a steady release for almost the entire 24 hours. I had found with regular Paxil, if I was off in taking it even by a couple of hours that I would get woozy and light headed. I don't have that with the CR.

Eosine>> Unfortunately, by going off the deep end, I mean that he started beating the crap out of my little boy (who isn't his), sleeping with his ex-wife, you name it. I have known this man for 15 years, this was very unexpected. We had been "together" for a year, but only married for four months. I have gone through all of the emotions, mad, sad, everything.. all I want now is for it to be final so that I can try and enjoy this pregnancy.

[Jish]

What an awful situation! We are all here for you. I hope everything works out for the best. I hope your little boy is okay too. How sad.

[Eosine]

OMG! At least you know when enough is enough and got the divorce. Sounds like you've been through a lot! I hope you can get it over with quickly and have some time to relax and enjoy your children