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Is this really it? *This* is my life?

2K views 43 replies 41 participants last post by  Raynbow 
#1 ·
I think the reality of recent developments is setting in....all I do is clean up, cook, wipe butts, clean some more, do some laundry, clean, cook again...wipe more butts...oh wait, I forgot to make the beds, And now they've messed up the newly vacuumed carpet in the living room.


What the hell? Is this all I am now? My friend came over for dinner tonight and our kids had a great time....tearing up the house!
She's fabulous, she gently guided them to clean up the playroom, etc. But I'm sitting at the top of the stairs thinking "This is it. This is me forever." I am stressed because I don't get a break from the kids..................and then it dawns on me............I'll *never* get a break from them. He's left us. He's really gone. There is no team anymore. It's only me. So when I've been up all night, trying to figure out what the hell I'm supposed to do, and then one, two, or all three of the kids wakes up....who's going to get up with them? ME! And then, when one wakes up at 4am, who gets to get up? Me, of course. And when they make a mess, and dump lotion all over the floor I just mopped because I had the gall to leave them alone for five stupid minutes to fold a load of laundry....who gets to clean it up.......again? Me. Me. Me. That's all they have now. Me. And I'm stretched so thin right now, I'm some days, not functioning well. And I hate that. And I hate that I'm failing them, and at the same time, I just wish I could run away.....

I'm just so sad tonight. I want my fantasy back. I want my life back. I want him. And yet, I don't. I am so very angry with him, so hurt and betrayed. And then I want to just sit down and sob. I MISS HIM. My heart is broken. I miss him so much. I miss the man I know and love. I miss him. And I don't want to do this alone....I never signed up for this. *This* was not a part of the "love and honor as long as we both shall live" This is a really, really, really bad nightmare that I'm going to wake up from.........until I wake up and I"m still alone.
 
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#2 ·
I'm so sorry you are having a rough time. I don't know what it's like to be a single mom...heck-I don't even know what it's like to be a mom in the first place. But I do know that single moms have to be the strongest women on earth.


Do you have any family around that could help? Friends? It sounds like you need some YOU time. Do something nice for yourself. Realize how wonderful and strong you really are. You can do this. You do not have to do it alone. Ask for help. I would help you if I could.

Stay strong
 
#3 ·
Wow, you are living my worst nightmare!

I have been following a little of your story and I am so sorry all this is happening to you. You seem like a great lady, a wonderful mom...I don't know what to say.

My DH and I have been having some problems lately...we've decided to work really hard on our marriage, seeing therapy together and separately...But the fear that we are over still lingers in the back of my mind...

I just couldn't imagine...

I know you can do this...I hope you have some good support and some family near you?

I wish I could help you out somehow...
 
#6 ·
Dealing with heartbreak while having to parent on your own is devastating.
I understand your pain. You mentioned a friend...It's good that you have someone to lean on at least. Emotional support is crucial right now.

I wish we lived close by. You and your situation has really touched me.
I'm sending you positive energy and wishing you...

Many Blessings,
Liz
 
#8 ·
Oh girl, I hear you. Lately I feel like my life is nothing but


I'm married and we are "happy" tho most of the time it feels just like we are just 2 people working together surviving the insanity of life. If it makes you feel any better I sometimes envy my girlfriend who is a single mom. She had a hard time for a long time and we spent many a late night on the phone while she sobbed.....but now she's in love with a sweet guy and has a job she loves. Her youngest is five and on the weekends her ex takes the kids while she gets to go have a romantic weekend with new guy. She doesn't even want to get married as she is now sure that domestic partnerships destroy romance. Anyway, I'm not trying to diminish your pain just tell you that there is hope!

Sending you love and taking a deep breath for you.......
 
#11 ·
Please don't guilt yourself. Be angry, be sad, be lonely... but STAY AWAY FROM THE GUILT. I have found from personal experience that the guilt itself is more damaging and backstepping than any other emotion you can experience.

Do whatever it takes to get rid of the guilt. Seriously. Some people do a lot of positive mantras, some people try to really stay present with their thoughts and recognize the guilt as it sets in and then let it go.... try something, anything, to release that harmful emotion.

I don't know what you believe in (probably nothin' much right now, and I don't blame you
), but for me, it was very helpful to tell myself that the brightest lights are always at the end of the darkest tunnels. BABY STEPS. Baby steps. Each and every day, you will get stronger. Each and every day, you will find more of a rhythm and more of a balance to you and your kids' lives. It doesn't matter if laundry piles for a week, or if the floor is vacuumed regularly. If you manage to get through a day showing your children how much you love them, to get through a day feeding them and dressing them and keeping them clean, that is far, far more than most of the children in this world have.

You don't need to be superwoman. You don't need to be supermom. Take a deep breath. Take several! If you manage to babystep your way through each day, and stay away from the guilt that you are not the be-all-everywoman that you think you should be, things will be looking up in no time.

Take care.

 
#12 ·
I'm sorry you are hurting.

I don't know if this will make you feel better or if it will hurt more, but I have been a single mom coming up on 3 years now and it is tough at times, but only at times.

You are also going to be the ONLY ONE they go to when they need a hug, kiss or to talk. You will be the only one that they will share their secrets with, giggle with and play. The only one who sits at the kitchen table to eat with them and talk to them and learn about their day. The only one to cuddle up in bed with them and tell stories, read a book or have a picnic. You are going to be THEIR ONLY ONE
They will remember you with love and admiration for what you do for them ... daily
 
#13 ·
Oh Mama, i have been reading your posts about what is happening in your life and I am so sorry it is hard right now. You are doing great. Just remember, the kids are in this phase right now, reacting to what is happening now. This will change though and it will get easier for you. Take it easy on yourself and remember to pat yourself on the back.

This isn't all that your life is or will be forever. It might be your moment right now, but it won't be all your tomorrows.

I am sending much love and peace, ND
 
#22 ·
This was your life *today*. Right now. It will not be your life tomorrow, a year from now, 10 years from now. Keep looking foward to better things. ((HUGS))
 
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